That will be a hard one to crack.
In a bid to mix music, religion and youth, the United nations has started a new initiative to involve young churchgoers from different countries to sing hymns promoting peace and better for mankind.
This program is aimed to be conducted fortnightly, and is tentatively named Choir-UN-Teen.
My daughter had to wire an essay about her hobby, which is softball. Her opener:
Pitcher this, you’re standing on a mound.
I was overwhelmed, and more proud than ever. She threw in some other puns too, it was an excellent essay, she’s giving me a run for my money, I batter watch out.
Edit: thank you u/PsychicGnome for the reminder that my kids are better parents than I am
I've become a master baiter
President Bush has bombed the Canary Islands. Turkey is next!
You could say it's my maison d'être.
They have no more room for extra terrestrials.
The devil invented smoking, because it makes you inhale
A dad joke.
How did I do?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback
I've got a ton of sick beets.
That was refreshing to sea.
He will re-curse it.
You'll know I've succeeded if Germany loses world war II and Wednesday comes after Tuesday.
When his superior congratulated him for the arrest, he asked “Why did you scream Mickey Mouse?” And the secret serviceman said “I was trying to say Donald Duck!”
in Heinz sight, it was a bad idea.
Thought I'd plaster it all over the Internet.
always seemed to crash in Bern.
A navy SEAL sniper was dispatched from a submarine on the coast of Africa with the mission of traveling inland to quietly take out a warlord. His only link to his superiors on the submarine was cellular messaging device. He arrived and had to lay in cover for days. A pride of lions eventually settled around him, making him very nervous. Circumstances then necessitated immediate action so the commander sent the SEAL messages ordering him to clear the area before the strike. Being in the midst of the pride the soldier couldn't move to check his phone. He then perished in the attack.
However, this is not the first person to miss the subtext because they couldn't read between the lions.
A weightlifter walks into a bar
I screamed, "Lego of me!"
which is why you never hear about Buffalo Uno or Buffalo Dos
It was breaking noose
Lucky for him, everyone inside was unarmed.
They're all right now.
We were looking at a Facebook post on bees that had lost their home and taken to a bit of chocolate on the road. The pictures showed the bees then all rushing into a basket a beekeeper had brought containing a honeycomb.
When my wife commented on how they all were so quickly attracted to it, I could not stop myself as I blurted out "Well yeah, they were looking for another place to bee"
Don't think she had ever rolled her eyes so hard.
You know why deer get hit by cars
Because their horns dont work
I was at a pub restaurant and we had just finished our drinks. The waitress comes over to the table and says,
"Let me just take your glasses away for you!"
I then hand her my vision-correcting glasses and said "Don't know why you want these but sure here you go".
My table wasn't happy with me.
Girlfriend: Does depression come in waves?
Me: Actually I think it comes between them.
Her: ... Alright that was kinda funny.
Boyfriend: Antarctic stations are pretty much the closest thing you can get to being in a space station. But minus the whole gravity thing.
Me: Don't you mean ADD the gravity, because it's on Earth, not space?!
Boyfriend rolls eyes
We buy from wholesalers from a specific number: 144. So I said, "I'm beginning to hate the number 144, it's gross"
She always wants lucky charms before school. I'll give her lucky charms
Brother: I'm just heading to hang out with my homeboys.
Dad: Yeah, they call themselves the homeboys because they're always home in time for dinner.
For whenever I end up mentioning that my (currently pregnant) wife and I just had a baby:
"We just had a baby. Well, my wife did most of the work; I just had a small part in it."