In an attempt to deter computer hackers I've changed all my passwords to 'Brazil Nut'

That will be a hard one to crack.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18
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After months of unsuccessful attempts to deliberate talks between warring nations, the United Nations is now seeking additional help.

In a bid to mix music, religion and youth, the United nations has started a new initiative to involve young churchgoers from different countries to sing hymns promoting peace and better for mankind.

This program is aimed to be conducted fortnightly, and is tentatively named Choir-UN-Teen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fly2807
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
🚨︎ report
In the spirit of sharing our kids attempts at dad jokes,

My daughter had to wire an essay about her hobby, which is softball. Her opener:

Pitcher this, you’re standing on a mound.

I was overwhelmed, and more proud than ever. She threw in some other puns too, it was an excellent essay, she’s giving me a run for my money, I batter watch out.

Edit: thank you u/PsychicGnome for the reminder that my kids are better parents than I am

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OnionShanty
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15
🚨︎ report
After 10 years of attempt to lure wemon

I've become a master baiter

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
🚨︎ report
One of my favourite dad jokes from the early 00’s: In an attempt to stop the spread of bird flu

President Bush has bombed the Canary Islands. Turkey is next!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ May 13
🚨︎ report
First attempt
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisk114
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
My first attempt at drawing a silly pun
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CassandraEntendre
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
🚨︎ report
Being cooped up in the house for so long has led me to attempt new hobbies. As an example, I'm currently studying how to adapt French phrases to describe the situation.

You could say it's my maison d'Γͺtre.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 30
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In SETI's recent attempt to communicate with aliens via radar, it was discovered that aliens have been abducting people for years and years, but have now stopped. The reason?...

They have no more room for extra terrestrials.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Myusernameisfish
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15
🚨︎ report
My first attempt at a dad joke

The devil invented smoking, because it makes you inhale

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HuggaThug
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My first attempt at writing a dad joke. Please take it easy on me.

A dad joke.

How did I do?

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πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?

Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback

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πŸ‘€︎ u/abdic8
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
After my failed attempt at growing vegetables this year, I've decided to become a music producer.

I've got a ton of sick beets.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
β€œCake Day” karma grab attempt: there are 2 kinds of people in the world: those that can extrapolate from incomplete data...
πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hoosierdaddiesx
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I was trying to look at a picture of the ocean but kept having to reload the page, it finally worked after 5 attempts.

That was refreshing to sea.

πŸ‘︎ 144
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iam_aGoldenGod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Second attempt posting because, well, mods.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AYoinkedUsername
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What does a coder do when a recursion program fails to compile after several attempts?

He will re-curse it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i_am_thatman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
🚨︎ report
ATTENTION: This afternoon I will attempt to travel back in time and change history.

You'll know I've succeeded if Germany loses world war II and Wednesday comes after Tuesday.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Last week, a freshman secret service officer stopped an assassination attempt on the president of the United States by screaming β€œMickey Mouse”!

When his superior congratulated him for the arrest, he asked β€œWhy did you scream Mickey Mouse?” And the secret serviceman said β€œI was trying to say Donald Duck!”

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GPyleFan11
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
🚨︎ report
My attempt at juggling 3 cans of beans resulted in a messy kitchen,

in Heinz sight, it was a bad idea.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/adc2502
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
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I attempt to throw my empty Pepsi can into the nearest bin reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ort0810
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
A first attempt to make my posts less derivative
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JukeboxSommelier
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
🚨︎ report
My first attempt at sculpting was a bust.

Thought I'd plaster it all over the Internet.

πŸ‘︎ 308
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thereisonlyoneme
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2017
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The early attempts at flying to Switzerland

always seemed to crash in Bern.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/4Ublue
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Warlord assassination attempt gone terribly wrong.

A navy SEAL sniper was dispatched from a submarine on the coast of Africa with the mission of traveling inland to quietly take out a warlord. His only link to his superiors on the submarine was cellular messaging device. He arrived and had to lay in cover for days. A pride of lions eventually settled around him, making him very nervous. Circumstances then necessitated immediate action so the commander sent the SEAL messages ordering him to clear the area before the strike. Being in the midst of the pride the soldier couldn't move to check his phone. He then perished in the attack.

However, this is not the first person to miss the subtext because they couldn't read between the lions.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/possferatu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2018
🚨︎ report
My Bad Attempt At A Pun

A weightlifter walks into a bar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotStalin25
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2018
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Local punster attempts motivating significant other with puns
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2017
🚨︎ report
When I told my ex girlfriend that I wanted to break up, she tried gifting me a mini plastic figurine of myself in an attempt to salvage our relationship.

I screamed, "Lego of me!"

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Apostjustforthis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2017
🚨︎ report
Fun whiskey fact: when creating Buffalo Trace bourbon, the first couple of attempts were complete failures. They even went so far as to destroy all records of the early products

which is why you never hear about Buffalo Uno or Buffalo Dos

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/confibulator
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2017
🚨︎ report
Umm... China bans wordplay in attempt at pun control theguardian.com/world/201…
πŸ‘︎ 115
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stainlessteal
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2014
🚨︎ report
My failed suicide attempt was on tv

It was breaking noose

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Counterswift
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2017
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a prosthetic store and attempts to rob it.

Lucky for him, everyone inside was unarmed.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_wilson3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2016
🚨︎ report
I guess there have been safety concerns regarding NASCAR's track designs; specifically with the turns. In an attempt to address them, the courses were reversed.

They're all right now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thewilltosucceed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2017
🚨︎ report
Looks good... [{x-post /r/pokemon} One of my first attempts modeling out of chocolate - Pikachu]
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hellABunk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2017
🚨︎ report
My nerdy attempt to fit in at festivals
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Assvertisements
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2012
🚨︎ report
Dad ruins my attempt to be a Sheryl Crow-badass wanna be. imgur.com/I3GXpqK
πŸ‘︎ 116
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πŸ‘€︎ u/giftedgothic
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2013
🚨︎ report
My wife and I have recently taken to trying for a baby, and I think this last attempt may have succeeded. I just dad-joked hard.

We were looking at a Facebook post on bees that had lost their home and taken to a bit of chocolate on the road. The pictures showed the bees then all rushing into a basket a beekeeper had brought containing a honeycomb.

When my wife commented on how they all were so quickly attracted to it, I could not stop myself as I blurted out "Well yeah, they were looking for another place to bee"

Don't think she had ever rolled her eyes so hard.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/G2geo94
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2017
🚨︎ report
Math textbook attempts a joke
πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frisbeemaniac95
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2013
🚨︎ report
My italian/american dad who doesnt speak very good english, his attempt

You know why deer get hit by cars

Because their horns dont work

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beastaholic187
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2013
🚨︎ report
Poor attempt at dadjoking a waitress

I was at a pub restaurant and we had just finished our drinks. The waitress comes over to the table and says,

"Let me just take your glasses away for you!"
I then hand her my vision-correcting glasses and said "Don't know why you want these but sure here you go".

My table wasn't happy with me.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/junkersuk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2014
🚨︎ report
Bit serious but it was an attempt to lighten the mood.

Girlfriend: Does depression come in waves?

Me: Actually I think it comes between them.

Her: ... Alright that was kinda funny.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Retbull
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2015
🚨︎ report
My boyfriend rolls his eyes a lot at my attempt at comedy...

Boyfriend: Antarctic stations are pretty much the closest thing you can get to being in a space station. But minus the whole gravity thing.

Me: Don't you mean ADD the gravity, because it's on Earth, not space?!

Boyfriend rolls eyes

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Miss_Sith
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2015
🚨︎ report
Fail attempt at work

We buy from wholesalers from a specific number: 144. So I said, "I'm beginning to hate the number 144, it's gross"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/evohans
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2015
🚨︎ report
My first attempt at April fools with my daughter.

She always wants lucky charms before school. I'll give her lucky charms

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Knowakennedy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2015
🚨︎ report
Dad foils my brother's attempts to sound tough

Brother: I'm just heading to hang out with my homeboys.

Dad: Yeah, they call themselves the homeboys because they're always home in time for dinner.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/supersmileys
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2013
🚨︎ report
Planning awful dad joke responses to common scenarios. Here's my first attempt...

For whenever I end up mentioning that my (currently pregnant) wife and I just had a baby:

"We just had a baby. Well, my wife did most of the work; I just had a small part in it."

concerned look

"Average part..."

embarrassed/lying look

"...above...average."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Klopfenpop
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2014
🚨︎ report

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