In an attempt to bring great pleasure to myself, I'll post controversial topics in white supremacist groups in the attempt to get funny reactions out of them.

I'm mass-turd-baiting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Klratz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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After my failed attempt at growing vegetables this year, I've decided to become a music producer.

I've got a ton of sick beets.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
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Joke attempt from my daughter: what do you call an Aquarium that hurts fish?

An Owquarium!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skilldan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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A lame attempt ... but here it is :)
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πŸ‘€︎ u/golubeerji
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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Ducks love raw potatoes and will attempt to unearth them with their bill. Enthusiastically mistaking rocks for potatoes can cause damage leaving them...

debillatated

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stroger
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2020
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It took scientists 15 tries to create the perfect sleep aid. Attempts A-N had no effect..

But they concluded a Pill-O helped everyone sleep better

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dothemagic
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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Where I grew up, we had back-to-back violent attempts to overthrow the government.

It was coup coup

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πŸ‘€︎ u/asiers
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
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In an attempt to deter computer hackers I've changed all my passwords to 'Brazil Nut'

That will be a hard one to crack.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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First attempt
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisk114
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
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In the spirit of sharing our kids attempts at dad jokes,

My daughter had to wire an essay about her hobby, which is softball. Her opener:

Pitcher this, you’re standing on a mound.

I was overwhelmed, and more proud than ever. She threw in some other puns too, it was an excellent essay, she’s giving me a run for my money, I batter watch out.

Edit: thank you u/PsychicGnome for the reminder that my kids are better parents than I am

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OnionShanty
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2020
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My first attempt at drawing a silly pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CassandraEntendre
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
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After 10 years of attempt to lure wemon

I've become a master baiter

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
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One of my favourite dad jokes from the early 00’s: In an attempt to stop the spread of bird flu

President Bush has bombed the Canary Islands. Turkey is next!

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πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
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Being cooped up in the house for so long has led me to attempt new hobbies. As an example, I'm currently studying how to adapt French phrases to describe the situation.

You could say it's my maison d'Γͺtre.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
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My first attempt at writing a dad joke. Please take it easy on me.

A dad joke.

How did I do?

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πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
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My first attempt at a dad joke

The devil invented smoking, because it makes you inhale

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HuggaThug
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?

Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback

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πŸ‘€︎ u/abdic8
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
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I was trying to look at a picture of the ocean but kept having to reload the page, it finally worked after 5 attempts.

That was refreshing to sea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iam_aGoldenGod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02 2019
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β€œCake Day” karma grab attempt: there are 2 kinds of people in the world: those that can extrapolate from incomplete data...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hoosierdaddiesx
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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Second attempt posting because, well, mods.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AYoinkedUsername
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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What does a coder do when a recursion program fails to compile after several attempts?

He will re-curse it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/i_am_thatman
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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Last week, a freshman secret service officer stopped an assassination attempt on the president of the United States by screaming β€œMickey Mouse”!

When his superior congratulated him for the arrest, he asked β€œWhy did you scream Mickey Mouse?” And the secret serviceman said β€œI was trying to say Donald Duck!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GPyleFan11
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
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ATTENTION: This afternoon I will attempt to travel back in time and change history.

You'll know I've succeeded if Germany loses world war II and Wednesday comes after Tuesday.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
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My attempt at juggling 3 cans of beans resulted in a messy kitchen,

in Heinz sight, it was a bad idea.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/adc2502
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
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My first attempt at sculpting was a bust.

Thought I'd plaster it all over the Internet.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thereisonlyoneme
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2017
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A first attempt to make my posts less derivative
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JukeboxSommelier
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
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I attempt to throw my empty Pepsi can into the nearest bin reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ort0810
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
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The early attempts at flying to Switzerland

always seemed to crash in Bern.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/4Ublue
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
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Warlord assassination attempt gone terribly wrong.

A navy SEAL sniper was dispatched from a submarine on the coast of Africa with the mission of traveling inland to quietly take out a warlord. His only link to his superiors on the submarine was cellular messaging device. He arrived and had to lay in cover for days. A pride of lions eventually settled around him, making him very nervous. Circumstances then necessitated immediate action so the commander sent the SEAL messages ordering him to clear the area before the strike. Being in the midst of the pride the soldier couldn't move to check his phone. He then perished in the attack.

However, this is not the first person to miss the subtext because they couldn't read between the lions.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/possferatu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2018
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My Bad Attempt At A Pun

A weightlifter walks into a bar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NotStalin25
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2018
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When I told my ex girlfriend that I wanted to break up, she tried gifting me a mini plastic figurine of myself in an attempt to salvage our relationship.

I screamed, "Lego of me!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Apostjustforthis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2017
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Umm... China bans wordplay in attempt at pun control theguardian.com/world/201…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stainlessteal
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2014
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Local punster attempts motivating significant other with puns
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2017
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Fun whiskey fact: when creating Buffalo Trace bourbon, the first couple of attempts were complete failures. They even went so far as to destroy all records of the early products

which is why you never hear about Buffalo Uno or Buffalo Dos

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πŸ‘€︎ u/confibulator
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2017
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A man walks into a prosthetic store and attempts to rob it.

Lucky for him, everyone inside was unarmed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_wilson3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2016
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My failed suicide attempt was on tv

It was breaking noose

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Counterswift
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2017
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I guess there have been safety concerns regarding NASCAR's track designs; specifically with the turns. In an attempt to address them, the courses were reversed.

They're all right now.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thewilltosucceed
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2017
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My nerdy attempt to fit in at festivals
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Assvertisements
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2012
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Looks good... [{x-post /r/pokemon} One of my first attempts modeling out of chocolate - Pikachu]
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hellABunk
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2017
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Dad ruins my attempt to be a Sheryl Crow-badass wanna be. imgur.com/I3GXpqK
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πŸ‘€︎ u/giftedgothic
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2013
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My wife and I have recently taken to trying for a baby, and I think this last attempt may have succeeded. I just dad-joked hard.

We were looking at a Facebook post on bees that had lost their home and taken to a bit of chocolate on the road. The pictures showed the bees then all rushing into a basket a beekeeper had brought containing a honeycomb.

When my wife commented on how they all were so quickly attracted to it, I could not stop myself as I blurted out "Well yeah, they were looking for another place to bee"

Don't think she had ever rolled her eyes so hard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/G2geo94
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2017
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Math textbook attempts a joke
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πŸ‘€︎ u/frisbeemaniac95
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2013
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My italian/american dad who doesnt speak very good english, his attempt

You know why deer get hit by cars

Because their horns dont work

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πŸ‘€︎ u/beastaholic187
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2013
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Poor attempt at dadjoking a waitress

I was at a pub restaurant and we had just finished our drinks. The waitress comes over to the table and says,

"Let me just take your glasses away for you!"
I then hand her my vision-correcting glasses and said "Don't know why you want these but sure here you go".

My table wasn't happy with me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/junkersuk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2014
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Bit serious but it was an attempt to lighten the mood.

Girlfriend: Does depression come in waves?

Me: Actually I think it comes between them.

Her: ... Alright that was kinda funny.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Retbull
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2015
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It took scientists 15 tries to create the perfect sleep aid. Attempts A-N had no effect..

But a Pill-O helped everyone sleep better.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dothemagic
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
After my failed attempt at growing vegetables this year, I've decided to become a music producer.

I've got a ton of sick beets.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report

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