Hitler was reborn and decides to open a restaurant for young audiences.
It's his cool n' aryan future!
Why did the broom decide to go to bed?
Why did the meat cutter decide against a career in stand-up comedy?
He was afraid he would butcher all the jokes.
My wife was trying decide between sweep rowing [4 or 8 rowers, one oar each] and sculling [one rower, two oars].
I told her she had to choose one oar the other.
How do Mexicans decide who gets promoted?
I can’t decide how to finish this wooden sign telling my parrot that she’s become a member of the Scottish aristocracy
A fat man came into the store trying to decide if he wanted a hammock. He laid down in the display model and I tried pushing him so he could feel what it was like to gently rock. I wasn't strong enough. He left without purchasing it.
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
Christopher Nolan, Leonardo DiCaprio and Matthew McConaughey decide to make a movie together
Nolan says he will direct.
DiCaprio says he will act.
And McConaughey says "I'll write I'll write I'll write"
The YouTube Owl-gorithm decides hoo to watch 🦉
A man decides to fulfill his lifelong dream of owning a horse, and goes to a local breeder
Not having much knowledge of the animals, he asks the owner to show him around and tell him about different breeds. "Sure, let's go," says the owner, and brings him over to the paddocks.
"So a lot depends on what you want the animal for," he says, and gestures to a powerful stallion running laps. "Over there, you've got your Type A horse: strong, fast, and a little unpredictable, but great if you want to get somewhere in a hurry."
"I think that'd be a little much for me," the man says, and the owner nods, then brings him over to see a mare quietly chomping at some hay in the shade. "This is a Type B horse - tends to be quiet and they're good companions, but not much for doing work."
The man pauses to think about what he wants the animal for, then looks over at a nearby pond and sees a horse swimming and diving over and over again. "What the heck is that one doing?" he asks the owner. "Oh, him? That's a C horse."
why did the FedEx driver decide to get into standup comedy as a fallback?
all his friends told him he was really good at delivery
i came up with this myself and im kinda proud ngl
Just watched an episode of 24 where Jack Bauer had to decide to either help the cartel transfer cannabis crystals into the U.S within 24 hours or they would blow up the Gulf Coast states.
...It was Kief or Southernland.
I bought a mattress today, but can’t decide if it’s firm enough.
Why did the fat Indian girl decide to run a marathon?
She was a very moti-weighted person.
Why did Spider-Man decide to buy a laptop?
So that he could design his own website.
During an organ donation how do doctors decide which kidney to pick?
They pick the right one.
That way there's still one left
The bear couldn't decide whether to go north or south for the winter
When u decide to write a Love letter 💌
Justice severed OR Someone took his justice in their own hands CAN'T DECIDE...
Pope decides on new measures to keep Cardinals on their toes.
He raised the Vatican urinals by 4 inches.
Two buddies decide to go ice-fishing one day.
So they get their parkas and snow boots, fishing rods and ice auger, and everything else they need, and go out to find a good spot.
Just as they start to drill a hole in the ice, they hear a great booming voice from above: "There are no fish here!"
"What was that?"
"It sounded like the voice of God!"
"Well let's try somewhere else."
They move away a bit, and settle down to try again. But before they can even start to drill, they hear it again:
"There are no fish here!"
So they pack up and move even farther down the ice. Surely this will be a good spot. But just as they pull out the auger, the voice booms out again:
"Listen you guys, I'm the manager of this ice rink, and I'm telling you there are no fish here!"
I couldn't decide where this meme should be putin, so I decided to post it here
I couldn't decide on which side of the road I wanted to use my loom. On the northbound side the southbound side looked better. And upon crossing to the southbound side, the northbound side looked better. The cops soon arrested me for operating under the influence.
They said I was weaving all over the road.
Bran Stark sits down for breakfast and suddenly decides he no longer wants to be king.
In other words, bran flakes.
A prisoner joined a convent and wanted to be a part of their marching band. What instrument did she decide to play?
Two melons decide they want to get married. One suggests they do it in Vegas...
The other says "I'm sorry my mother always said, 'You cantaloupe.'"
True story. Needs your help to decide.
Driving home from the beach last week, my son said he'd like to sky dive. I told him he was crazy. And (here's where we need help) said "I'm not scared of heights". I said "neither am I. I'm scared of widths". We both laughed and couldn't decide if it was indeed a dad joke or not.
When Adobe decides to finally end Flash Player, they’ll actually be building something new!
They’ll be breaking newgrounds!
Farmers were in an all out war to decide which vegetable they would plant
It was resolved with a Peas Treaty
When dads decide to tell a joke
they sentence you to a pun.
The Prime Minister of NZ's kid gets sick at school.. What does the Principal decide?
For a second, I couldn’t decide what underwear to buy.
It was a moment of brief indecision.
Me: how about we both decide to go to the carnival?
I don't like having to decide between paper or plastic.
Why can't baggers be choosers?
Did you know the Apollo 11 astronauts arm wrestled to decide who would be the first man on the moon?
A judge is hearing a case. 'The people V. United Parcel Service' and determines that the trucks area nuisance and a danger to the town. He decides to ban all their trucks from the town and calls his ruling:
'UPS Truck Shun of Justice'
How do guards decide who the best prisoner is?
We can't decide whether to put in soft pink or baby blue flooring in the nursery
It's an infantile problem
How do you decide what haircut to get?
A train engineer believed a hospital ship was the site of secret government conspiracy and decides to ram it with his train.
Now that's what I call a loco-motive.
Why did the man decide to get divorced in Texas?
He remembered the alimony.
Be careful if you decide to breed rabbits
I've heard that it's a real hare raising experience
How do you decide which part of the fish to eat first?
You play heads or tails.
How do strippers decide on collective bargaining rights?
Why did the reluctant knight finally decide to join the crusade?
The king offered him a free palace stein
I wood say this is funny Abut I’ll leaf it up to you guys to decide.
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
After an unsuccessful harvest, why did the farmer decide to try a career in music?
Because he had a ton of sick beets.
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