I asked my Dad why he decided to buy a boat?
He said "There was a sail."
When I was young I decided to become an archeologist.
Now my career is in ruins.
As a patriot, I have decided to buy my next Honda directly from Japan and pay the necessary tariffs.
It will...be my Civic duty.
I decided to sell my vacuum...
It was only collecting dust.
My wife and I have decided that we don't want children
And if anyone does we can drop them off at the weekend
Hitler was reborn and decides to open a restaurant for young audiences.
It's his cool n' aryan future!
Decided to plant mums this year.
I ended things with my communist girlfriend.
I decided to stop walking under billboards after one collapsed on top of me.
I took it as a sign from above.
Who decided to shorten this years Pi Day by an hour?
This was a very irrational decision
It is so hot in my city that I decided to meet my ex
She gave me a cold shoulder.
this year, i have decided to type everything in lower case letters.
i have stopped giving a shift.
My wife and I decided to get matching ink on vacation, so I got a tat
Walking around the mall with my daughter and we decided to go down a level. She expressed disappointment the elevator was broken,
I told her, " The escalator is just like an elevator but with extra steps."
I decided I want to do some more exercise after listening to Queen.
I want to ride my bicycle.
After careful consideration, I’ve decided to go on an entirely vegetarian based diet.
I will now only eat animals that are herbivores.
The wife and I have decided we don’t want kids
They’re not taking it very well
While waiting for a school-related live stream, me and my friend decided to throw words at each other and make puns out of them. This is one of my most proudest puns.
For Valentines Day, I decided to get my wife some beads for an abacus.
It's the little things that count.
I decided to throw a block of butter off my roof today...
I guess i could say that i saw a butterfly
Whoever decided to called them Dentures....
....really missed an opportunity to call them Substitooths.
I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big enough or strong enough.
I've just handed in my too weak notice.
I decided not to go to Grandma’s funeral
I’m not really a mourning person.
I've decided to seek help for my irrational fear of speed humps...
I'm slowly getting over it.
My wife and I have decided that we don’t want children
We will be telling them tonight.
I won $6million in the lottery and have decided to donate a quarter of it to charity....
I now have $5.999,999,75c left.
I've decided to invest all my money in soup stocks
I want to be a bouillonaire.
My wife was trying decide between sweep rowing [4 or 8 rowers, one oar each] and sculling [one rower, two oars].
I told her she had to choose one oar the other.
Today, my wife and I decided we would not like children.
So we will be kicking them out tonight.
I recently decided to learn sign language...
So that I can tell jokes nobody has ever heard.
I havent read a book in ages. So i decided to start with a book of how clocks work.
The other day I decided to install a highly decorative wall plug in my living room.
I needed a creative outlet.
A robot from the future decided to avoid eliminating its target for as long as possible
today is my first cake day so I decided to give you guys a joke
What do you call an Irishman bouncing off the walls?
Rick O Shea
Elon Musk decided not to move in to Texas
I guess you can say he got cold feet
I’ve finally decided to shave my private area.
I need to stop beating around the bush.
I once met a talking dog, and decided to ask "what do you get from a tree's outer layer?"
But it's answer was just a bark
Edit:spelling
A fat man came into the store trying to decide if he wanted a hammock. He laid down in the display model and I tried pushing him so he could feel what it was like to gently rock. I wasn't strong enough. He left without purchasing it.
How do Mexicans decide who gets promoted?
A pinguin decided to cancel his wedding last minute.
I guess he got cold feet.
I can’t decide how to finish this wooden sign telling my parrot that she’s become a member of the Scottish aristocracy
My optometrist decided to run for Mayor.
Weird film trivia: I just found out that Thandie Newton's character from Mission: Impossible 2 was originally going to appear in Goldeneye, but her part was cut when they decided to film in Russia.
A bunch of guys decided to build a cocktail lounge on top of Pike’s Peak.
It didn’t do as well as hoped. Maybe they set the bar too high.
I've decided to marry a pencil.
I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.
When I was young I decided to become an archeologist.
Now my career is in ruins.
For Valentines Day, I decided to get my girlfriend some beads for an abacus.
It’s the little things that count.
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...
Well, it was just collecting dust.
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