I asked my Dad why he decided to buy a boat?

He said "There was a sail."

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_PoodlePants
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
🚨︎ report
When I was young I decided to become an archeologist.

Now my career is in ruins.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blindeye0505
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
As a patriot, I have decided to buy my next Honda directly from Japan and pay the necessary tariffs.

It will...be my Civic duty.

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
I decided to sell my vacuum...

It was only collecting dust.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kameemo
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
🚨︎ report
My wife and I have decided that we don't want children

And if anyone does we can drop them off at the weekend

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/st_jimmy_02
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
Hitler was reborn and decides to open a restaurant for young audiences.

It's his cool n' aryan future!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AntiMatterAMA
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
🚨︎ report
Decided to plant mums this year.
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeapGrey
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21
🚨︎ report
I ended things with my communist girlfriend.

Too many red flags.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gingi0
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
🚨︎ report
I decided to stop walking under billboards after one collapsed on top of me.

I took it as a sign from above.

πŸ‘︎ 174
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07
🚨︎ report
Who decided to shorten this years Pi Day by an hour?

This was a very irrational decision

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/larryb78
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
🚨︎ report
It is so hot in my city that I decided to meet my ex

She gave me a cold shoulder.

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kingof-potatos
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28
🚨︎ report
this year, i have decided to type everything in lower case letters.

i have stopped giving a shift.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09
🚨︎ report
My wife and I decided to get matching ink on vacation, so I got a tat

And she got a tat too

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/diceblue
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
🚨︎ report
Walking around the mall with my daughter and we decided to go down a level. She expressed disappointment the elevator was broken,

I told her, " The escalator is just like an elevator but with extra steps."

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Training-Brick
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27
🚨︎ report
I decided I want to do some more exercise after listening to Queen.

I want to ride my bicycle.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irishblackfish
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
After careful consideration, I’ve decided to go on an entirely vegetarian based diet.

I will now only eat animals that are herbivores.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thestateofflow
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
Punishments
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joanscloan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
The wife and I have decided we don’t want kids

They’re not taking it very well

πŸ‘︎ 184
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
🚨︎ report
While waiting for a school-related live stream, me and my friend decided to throw words at each other and make puns out of them. This is one of my most proudest puns.
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anathex_Adv
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02
🚨︎ report
For Valentines Day, I decided to get my wife some beads for an abacus.

It's the little things that count.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14
🚨︎ report
I decided to throw a block of butter off my roof today...

I guess i could say that i saw a butterfly

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 26
🚨︎ report
Whoever decided to called them Dentures....

....really missed an opportunity to call them Substitooths.

πŸ‘︎ 124
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
🚨︎ report
I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big enough or strong enough.

I've just handed in my too weak notice.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hobo4lifee
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I decided not to go to Grandma’s funeral

I’m not really a mourning person.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wcollins260
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25
🚨︎ report
I've decided to seek help for my irrational fear of speed humps...

I'm slowly getting over it.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16
🚨︎ report
My wife and I have decided that we don’t want children

We will be telling them tonight.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PheterPharker
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05
🚨︎ report
I won $6million in the lottery and have decided to donate a quarter of it to charity....

I now have $5.999,999,75c left.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26
🚨︎ report
I've decided to invest all my money in soup stocks

I want to be a bouillonaire.

πŸ‘︎ 380
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πŸ‘€︎ u/2ndbreakfastfan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife was trying decide between sweep rowing [4 or 8 rowers, one oar each] and sculling [one rower, two oars].

I told her she had to choose one oar the other.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/M4sterofD1saster
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
🚨︎ report
Today, my wife and I decided we would not like children.

So we will be kicking them out tonight.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trace826621
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
🚨︎ report
I recently decided to learn sign language...

So that I can tell jokes nobody has ever heard.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sgt-Cowboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I havent read a book in ages. So i decided to start with a book of how clocks work.

It was about time!!

πŸ‘︎ 103
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πŸ‘€︎ u/robconone
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
The other day I decided to install a highly decorative wall plug in my living room.

I needed a creative outlet.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shu-di
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
A robot from the future decided to avoid eliminating its target for as long as possible

It's a Procrastinator.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Khaos_Gorvin
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26
🚨︎ report
today is my first cake day so I decided to give you guys a joke

What do you call an Irishman bouncing off the walls?

Rick O Shea

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anonymous8776
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
Elon Musk decided not to move in to Texas

I guess you can say he got cold feet

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drogers5606
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21
🚨︎ report
I’ve finally decided to shave my private area.

I need to stop beating around the bush.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EliteCombatWombat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
🚨︎ report
I once met a talking dog, and decided to ask "what do you get from a tree's outer layer?"

But it's answer was just a bark

Edit:spelling

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nuudom
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15
🚨︎ report
A fat man came into the store trying to decide if he wanted a hammock. He laid down in the display model and I tried pushing him so he could feel what it was like to gently rock. I wasn't strong enough. He left without purchasing it.

I couldn't sway him.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03
🚨︎ report
How do Mexicans decide who gets promoted?

SeΓ±ority

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Roxas1011
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
A pinguin decided to cancel his wedding last minute.

I guess he got cold feet.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DontReplyToMePlz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
🚨︎ report
I can’t decide how to finish this wooden sign telling my parrot that she’s become a member of the Scottish aristocracy

Polyurethane?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vantoch81
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31
🚨︎ report
My optometrist decided to run for Mayor.

He's a real visionary

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
🚨︎ report
Weird film trivia: I just found out that Thandie Newton's character from Mission: Impossible 2 was originally going to appear in Goldeneye, but her part was cut when they decided to film in Russia.

They had to SeverNyah

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjo_kes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07
🚨︎ report
A bunch of guys decided to build a cocktail lounge on top of Pike’s Peak.

It didn’t do as well as hoped. Maybe they set the bar too high.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mallthus2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
I've decided to marry a pencil.

I can't wait to introduce my parents to my bride 2B.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was young I decided to become an archeologist.

Now my career is in ruins.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13
🚨︎ report
For Valentines Day, I decided to get my girlfriend some beads for an abacus.

It’s the little things that count.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tobias_drundridge
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12
🚨︎ report
I decided to sell my vacuum cleaner...

Well, it was just collecting dust.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/beej2000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03
🚨︎ report

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