45 Hilarious I Decide Puns - Punstoppable 🛑

I was having a terrible time trying to decide if I should buy a new mattress.

My wife told me to sleep on it.

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👤︎ u/teachup

📅︎ Jun 28 2021

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I can’t decide how to finish this wooden sign telling my parrot that she’s become a member of the Scottish aristocracy

Polyurethane?

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👤︎ u/vantoch81

📅︎ Jan 31 2021

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A fat man came into the store trying to decide if he wanted a hammock. He laid down in the display model and I tried pushing him so he could feel what it was like to gently rock. I wasn't strong enough. He left without purchasing it.

I couldn't sway him.

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👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline

📅︎ Mar 03 2021

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I bought a mattress today, but can’t decide if it’s firm enough.

I’ll sleep on it.

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👤︎ u/keychainoi

📅︎ Oct 22 2020

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I couldn't decide where this meme should be putin, so I decided to post it here

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👤︎ u/the-wulv

📅︎ Jun 06 2020

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I couldn't decide on which side of the road I wanted to use my loom. On the northbound side the southbound side looked better. And upon crossing to the southbound side, the northbound side looked better. The cops soon arrested me for operating under the influence.

They said I was weaving all over the road.

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👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline

📅︎ Aug 30 2020

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For a second, I couldn’t decide what underwear to buy.

It was a moment of brief indecision.

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👤︎ u/maybejaeby

📅︎ Dec 31 2019

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I don't like having to decide between paper or plastic.

Why can't baggers be choosers?

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👤︎ u/brendan_07

📅︎ Jun 11 2020

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I wood say this is funny Abut I’ll leaf it up to you guys to decide.

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👤︎ u/dogsaretheanswer

📅︎ Sep 07 2018

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Building a shelf and couldn't decide on wood type, so I went with most poplar imgur.com/4HJD9qe

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👤︎ u/Cranky_Windlass

📅︎ Dec 03 2019

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I couldn’t decide on how much lettuce to buy, until my wife helped me think it through.

Turns out two heads are better than one.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Jun 06 2019

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I tried giving a badger two different types of pet food, but he couldn't decide which to eat.

Apparently badgers can't be choosers.

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👤︎ u/Bigfoothobbit

📅︎ Feb 05 2020

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I can't decide if this joke is swede or sour.

👍︎ 420

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👤︎ u/Dankmonseiur69

📅︎ Jul 28 2018

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I can't decide whether to join the Bard's College or the Thieves Guild

I'll just have to weigh the prose and the cons.

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👤︎ u/norrisrw

📅︎ Sep 18 2019

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I decide to make sure my wife woke up with a big smile on her face this morning..

I can't have Sharpies in the house anymore.

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👤︎ u/mudpucket2

📅︎ Jul 14 2019

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I'm trying to decide if I like swiss cheese..

Feeling neutral about it.

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👤︎ u/kelweb

📅︎ Jun 24 2019

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I’m a failing, frustrated Doctor trying to decide if I should retire.

I just don’t have the patients...

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👤︎ u/Nkkcmo

📅︎ Apr 02 2019

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So I was trying to decide if my favorite type of Asian food is Chinese or Japanese...

I decided to call it a Thai

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👤︎ u/bigstick713

📅︎ Apr 24 2018

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I couldn't decide what footwear to put on this morning.

I have too many to shoes from.

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👤︎ u/Chrlie_947

📅︎ Aug 25 2019

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I need some time to decide if I want to buy this pillow.

I'll sleep on it.

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👤︎ u/maryfountain

📅︎ Sep 30 2019

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I had to decide on what method I wanted to use in my house to get to the second floor. The options were stairs or a vertical climbing apparatus

I chose the ladder.

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👤︎ u/WispOG

📅︎ Apr 17 2019

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I’m at a shoe store, but I can’t decide what shoes I want.

I just keep flip-flopping!

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👤︎ u/Death_Muffins

📅︎ Jun 23 2019

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I can't decide if I should cut the grass or update the bathroom

I guess I'll just start with Moen

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👤︎ u/JAAIA1999

📅︎ Jun 13 2019

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Friend felt sick after eating too much chicken. So I decide to ruffle her feathers.

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👤︎ u/Inn0c3ntGuy

📅︎ May 11 2018

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I couldn't decide if I wanted a 10 foot or 12 foot ladder.

So I went for the latter.

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👤︎ u/Kashindabank

📅︎ Apr 07 2019

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I was at the furniture store today but couldn't decide if I should buy a bed or not

I think I'll have to sleep on it

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👤︎ u/ScreamingHawk

📅︎ Sep 27 2017

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I can't decide which blender to buy

They all have mixed reviews

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👤︎ u/TomBradyGoat1212

📅︎ Jul 01 2017

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I can't decide if I want to go sky diving

I'm still up in the air about it

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👤︎ u/Haydn_Seek

📅︎ Sep 28 2017

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Why did I decide to move away from the state line?

I got tired of living life on the edge.

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👤︎ u/IranRPCV

📅︎ May 26 2018

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Today, I can't decide whether to wear a turtle neck or a henway.

What's a henway? | About two or three pounds.

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👤︎ u/vegtosterone

📅︎ Apr 06 2017

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I can't decide whether to grill chicken breasts or chicken thighs

I guess I'll just wing it

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👤︎ u/wawoodworth

📅︎ May 31 2018

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I’m struggling to decide whether to throw away my old pillow...

I think I’ll sleep on it

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👤︎ u/Sweaty_Bollocks

📅︎ Aug 25 2018

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I couldn't decide what to get my fiancé for Valentine's day...

Me: "I don't know what to get her." Dad: "Get her a musical instrument." Me: "Uh, a musical instrument? She doesn't play anything. Dad: "Get her an upright organ."

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👤︎ u/LabioGORDO

📅︎ Jan 03 2017

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I was trying to decide whether or not to go to a funeral that I was dreading. I asked myself “What would Jesus do?”

I was the only one there in sandals and a bathrobe

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👤︎ u/wellzy33

📅︎ Feb 08 2018

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I could decide if I wanted to watch The Next Generation or the original series...

I guess you could say I was stuck between a Spock and a Picard place!

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👤︎ u/stonegrizzly

📅︎ Dec 26 2015

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I can't decide whether I should vote for Trump or not

I'm on the Pence about it still

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👤︎ u/jamiesn

📅︎ Oct 24 2016

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I wanted to get my wife a present but was short on time and couldn't decide on a store...

I wound up deciding to quickly visit themall.

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👤︎ u/axxx

📅︎ Jan 25 2018

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When I can't decide which dessert to get, I tend to go with fruit flavored ice cream.

It's usually a sherbet.

👍︎ 6

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👤︎ u/spruce_sprucerton

📅︎ Oct 23 2017

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I couldn't decide whether I wanted to go for a stroll in the park or go and rob a Chinese cooking store

But I guess either way I'm taking a wok

👍︎ 6

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👤︎ u/Pwilly10

📅︎ Aug 28 2017

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can't decide if i want to go to the Hives concert

don't want to make any rash decisions

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👤︎ u/relayrider

📅︎ Jul 02 2016

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I couldn’t decide how much lettuce to buy, but my wife helped me think through it.

Turns out two heads are better than one.

👍︎ 210

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Oct 24 2018

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I couldn’t decide how much lettuce to buy, but my wife helped me think it through.

Turns out two heads are better than one.

👍︎ 63

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Sep 11 2019

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I couldn't decide how much lettuce to buy, but my wife helped me think through it.

Turns out two heads are better than one.

👍︎ 25

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👤︎ u/keithasaurus

📅︎ Jan 04 2019

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I couldn't decide what Asian food I wanted more: Japanese or Chinese, so.....

I just called it a Thai

👍︎ 4

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👤︎ u/music_snobbbb

📅︎ Mar 24 2019

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I can't decide if I want to go sky diving

I'm still up in the air about it

👍︎ 6

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👤︎ u/Haydn_Seek

📅︎ Sep 28 2017

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