There will be point in the future when Canada will take over the world.

And then you will all be sorry.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
It takes guts to be an organ donor

For real tho. Donate your organs. It saved my dads life 😁

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/katyparody
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
Tried to take a selfie in the shower.

It turned out all blurry. I think I have selfie steam issues.

πŸ‘︎ 249
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AspenTD
πŸ“…︎ May 21
🚨︎ report
How many wizards does it take to change a lightbulb?

It depends on what you want it to change into.

πŸ‘︎ 115
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nixus42
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
Why did I stop and take a shot of vodka when I was running late to work?

That's what I do when I'm Russian

πŸ‘︎ 345
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rysefin
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
How many Germans does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. They're very efficient, and not particularly funny.

πŸ‘︎ 162
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExtraSure
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
It's different. Take note everybody
πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DefNotInTheOven
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
Why did the Mexican take anti anxiety medication

For Hispanic attacks

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/joeytherealking
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who takes pictures of Vietnamese soup?

A pho-tographer

πŸ‘︎ 324
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ftaf
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
Take that talking tree!
πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spicynate45
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
If you want to weigh a whale you take it to a whale weigh station. So where do you go if you want to weigh a pie?

Somewheeere over the rainbow...

πŸ‘︎ 271
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesomecorearts
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30
🚨︎ report
Watching the movie ' Grease ' to take my mind off some vaccine side effects, however..

I got chills..they're multiplying.

πŸ‘︎ 109
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
"Why do fathers take an extra pair of socks when they go golfing?"

"In case they get a hole in one!"

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/otzen1122
πŸ“…︎ May 11
🚨︎ report
What happens if you miss the toilet while trying to take a pee?

Urine trouble.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aksurah
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
How many Freudian Slips does it take to change a lightbulb?

Two: one to change the bulb, and one to hold me, mother hold the ladder.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/silashoulder
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
Because I always take my shit to the next level
πŸ‘︎ 600
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/no_bill
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
🚨︎ report
I asked my daughter if she had taken a bath yet and sarcastically she says yeah, so I tell her to take another one.

Her attitude stinks.

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WeComeFromTheDust
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
Yes don't forget to take it.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/whiskey_risky
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03
🚨︎ report
My son's math's teacher was away so the head of school had to step in and take her place.

It's the principal that counts.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GameDesignerMan
πŸ“…︎ May 21
🚨︎ report
I was prescribed medication but I couldn't take it. It was too hard to get the lid off. You might have heard of it...

TRYOPENIN

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DimFakJimKK
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
I need to learn how to take care of my new tree

So I'm going to nursery school.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gideonindc
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
My wife came screaming at me to take the spider out.

It was great! We went out for a couple of beers. He wants to be a senior web developer someday.

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ May 11
🚨︎ report
People who take care of chickens are basically....

Chicken tenders

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ryahisbored
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
does anyone know if a doctor can take some of my butt flesh and graft it onto someone who isn't a relative?

Ass skin for a friend.

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
I challenged my son, "Take 4 and subtract 2 from it. What’s left? Rolling his eyes, he sighed, "2." I yelled, NOPE!"

"The opposite of right!"

πŸ‘︎ 483
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
Back in the 70s and 80s, I’d often dress up nicely, go out and order dinner for one, see movies alone, take long solitary walks...

Wow, I’m really dating myself.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Uncle_Bug_Music
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
Chinese take out: 8 dollars. Tip: 2 dollars. Getting home to find out they forgot part of your order...

Riceless

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
You wanna know how I remember every poop I take?

I keep a log.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Punx80
πŸ“…︎ May 04
🚨︎ report
Why does it take sailors ages to learn the alphabet?

Because they spend years at C

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DemonDoorknob
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
How many IT guys does it take to fix a lightbulb?

One. But he just turns it off and on again.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Charger_3000
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a prisoner takes his own mugshot?

A Cellfie

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Demonazzzz
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
Lettuce take a moment to appreciate ...

this salad pun.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
if your kid is refusing to take a nap

does that mean that they are resisting a rest

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GETREKDHUMANZ
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Two. The real question is, how did they get in there?

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/A_C_Citizenz
πŸ“…︎ May 07
🚨︎ report
Why don't the Jedi take off their shirts to greet each other?

Because only a Sith deals in ab salutes.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GrandMoffTarkan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
How long does it take to beat a Sega game backwards? Ages...
πŸ‘︎ 191
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jason-29
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
How many dyslexics does it take to change a light bulb?

Steven.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30
🚨︎ report
I take pride in my stupid puns
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/catchingfire3HG
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
Never take a calculus exam when you are sitting next to two identical twins.

It’s really hard to differentiate between them.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
How many South Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?

A Brazilian!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
According to ancient Japanese lore, your aura takes a particular colour when you die.

Cyan Aura.

πŸ‘︎ 935
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
🚨︎ report
My wife said I can’t take a joke.

So I asked for one politely.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Scyther1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
My son asked me if he should take 120k in loans for an Egyptology degree.

I told him don't even sphinx about it

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/taewooky
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13
🚨︎ report
I keep seeing the same joke that it takes ten tickles to make an octopus laugh. Can we stop with the harassing of sea life and just...

Cuttlefish instead?

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kevographic
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28
🚨︎ report
I have a friend who tried to take a selfie in the shower, but the image was too blurry.

He has selfie steam issues.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/korabdrg
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
How many Dads does it take to change a lightbulb?

One.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DoctorGarfanzo
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb?

One, but the lightbulb has to want to change.

πŸ‘︎ 207
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/angelsgirl2002
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
🚨︎ report
How many dads does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One. One to screw in the lightbulb...

And no one to write his jokes.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kyonlion
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
How many dyslexics does it take to change a light bulb?

Steven.

πŸ‘︎ 180
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26
🚨︎ report

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