What do you call a dog who can lift Thor's hammer?
I asked my grandpa, “How are you enjoying the new stair lift?”
Grandpa: I hate it. It’s driving me up the wall.
As I got out on the 11th floor, the lift operator said, "Have a good day son."
"Don't call me son, you're not my dad.!!" I said.
As the lift door closed, he looked me in the eye and said, "I brought you up, didn't I ?"
The hip hop elevator repairman fixed the lift.
He threw down on the up and up, yo.
I've offered my elderly neighbour $20 to try out her stair lift.
I think she's going to take me up on it.
Before the clock strikes midnight on december 31st be sure to lift your left leg
That way you will start off the new year on the right foot
Remember to lift your left leg up off the ground during the New Years countdown
So you can start the New Year off on the right foot
Edit: Thanks for the silver
My black belt friend had to put lifts in his shoes...
...adding insoles to ninjary.
Chris Ubank just advised me to shop lift some kitchen utensils
He said, if I wanted to make it big, I would have to take some whisks.
What does a dad say at the lift?
I was driving and I saw a packet of crisps and I asked “want a lift?”
They said “no thanks we’re walkers”
I've always hated stair lifts..
They really drive me up the wall.
I asked my grandfather how he’s enjoying the new stair lift that was recently installed in his house.
He said, “I hate it. It’s driving me up the wall.”
My opinion on lifts...
They have their ups and downs
Who can X-Men and circus performers call to lift their large vehicles?
My hotel elevator. Schindler’s Lift
It was raining this morning and my wife had to drive right past where I work, so I said 'Will you give me a lift?'
She said 'Have you lost weight? Nice shirt, by the way, and your hair looks fantastic.'
Sitting in the ER with my son last night, he got me with this one. I was trying to lift his spirits and was pointing out all the crazy equipment they have in the room. I said "Oh look. They have tongue depressers." He says "Those won't work on me." I asked why and he says...
"I'm on antidepressants."
He's going in for surgery at 3:30pm Pacific. All your positive thoughts and prayers are appreciated.
Edit: Thank you all for the kind words and omg for the gold! He's out of surgery and looks to be recovering nicely. All your well wishes helped cheer him and his parents up.
Can't wait for this travel ban to lift. Prague would be my number one choice..
Why didnt Captain America lift Thor’s hammer untill he needed to?
He didn’t want to steal his thunder
The lift is the best part of a roller coaster
The rest is mostly downhill
Scientists recently uncovered evidence of a dinosaur that loved to lift weights.
They've decided to call it hella sore.
What’s the difference between Albert Einstein and a guy that breaks wind inside a lift?
Einstein is a smart fella and the guy is.........
a fart smella.
I think I’ll apply to a job at a scissor lift factory.
They’re always hiring people.
I guess this is schindler's lift.
My Dad has always been a Fabrication head at a lift company and my mum is a retired nurse..
According to him, their first date was "A Casual tea"..
You know what would really lift my spirits these days?
If I integrated a gym into my liquor store.
I had an argument with my wife in a lift the other day...
I was wrong on so many levels
My grandfather is really frustrated that he has to take the stair chair lift because of his age.
It’s driving him up the wall.
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
I asked my grandpa, "How are you enjoying the new stair lift?"
Grandpa: It has it's ups and downs
Just before midnight tonight, I’ll lift up my left leg.
That way, I can start the new year on the right foot.
Before the clock strikes midnight on December 31st be sure to lift your left leg.
That way you will start the new year off on the right foot.
My grandfather hates the stair lift I bought him for his birthday.
It's been driving him up the wall.
Make sure to lift your left foot up at midnight tonight.
Start 2020 off on the right foot.
Make sure at 11:59 tonight you lift your left leg
That way you can start the new year on the right foot!