I asked my grandpa, βHow are you enjoying the new stair lift?β
Grandpa: I hate it. Itβs driving me up the wall.
π︎ 7k
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︎ Feb 08 2021
As I got out on the 11th floor, the lift operator said, "Have a good day son."
"Don't call me son, you're not my dad.!!" I said.
As the lift door closed, he looked me in the eye and said, "I brought you up, didn't I ?"
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︎ Apr 01 2021
The hip hop elevator repairman fixed the lift.
He threw down on the up and up, yo.
π︎ 3
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︎ May 03 2021
I've offered my elderly neighbour $20 to try out her stair lift.
I think she's going to take me up on it.
π︎ 83
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︎ Jan 28 2021
Schindlerβs lifts!
π︎ 20
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︎ Feb 12 2021
Before the clock strikes midnight on december 31st be sure to lift your left leg
That way you will start off the new year on the right foot
π︎ 199
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︎ Dec 29 2020
Remember to lift your left leg up off the ground during the New Years countdown
So you can start the New Year off on the right foot
Edit: Thanks for the silver
π︎ 100
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︎ Dec 30 2020
Lift humor
π︎ 5k
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︎ May 25 2020
My black belt friend had to put lifts in his shoes...
...adding insoles to ninjary.
π︎ 27
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︎ Jan 04 2021
Chris Ubank just advised me to shop lift some kitchen utensils
He said, if I wanted to make it big, I would have to take some whisks.
π︎ 11
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︎ Jan 07 2021
What does a dad say at the lift?
π︎ 10
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︎ Dec 03 2020
I was driving and I saw a packet of crisps and I asked βwant a lift?β
They said βno thanks weβre walkersβ
π︎ 7
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︎ Dec 19 2020
Schinder's Lift?
π︎ 10
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︎ Sep 30 2020
I've always hated stair lifts..
They really drive me up the wall.
π︎ 4
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︎ Oct 21 2020
My opinion on lifts...
They have their ups and downs
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 28 2020
I asked my grandfather how heβs enjoying the new stair lift that was recently installed in his house.
He said, βI hate it. Itβs driving me up the wall.β
π︎ 66
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︎ Aug 07 2020
Who can X-Men and circus performers call to lift their large vehicles?
π︎ 2
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︎ Nov 02 2020
It was raining this morning and my wife had to drive right past where I work, so I said 'Will you give me a lift?'
She said 'Have you lost weight? Nice shirt, by the way, and your hair looks fantastic.'
π︎ 4
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︎ Oct 08 2020
My hotel elevator. Schindlerβs Lift
π︎ 8
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︎ Jul 24 2020
Can't wait for this travel ban to lift. Prague would be my number one choice..
π︎ 12
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︎ Jul 04 2020
Sitting in the ER with my son last night, he got me with this one. I was trying to lift his spirits and was pointing out all the crazy equipment they have in the room. I said "Oh look. They have tongue depressers." He says "Those won't work on me." I asked why and he says...
"I'm on antidepressants."
He's going in for surgery at 3:30pm Pacific. All your positive thoughts and prayers are appreciated.
Edit: Thank you all for the kind words and omg for the gold! He's out of surgery and looks to be recovering nicely. All your well wishes helped cheer him and his parents up.
π︎ 3k
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︎ Jun 19 2019
Bad puns lift me up
π︎ 17
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︎ May 25 2020
Why didnt Captain America lift Thorβs hammer untill he needed to?
He didnβt want to steal his thunder
π︎ 12
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︎ Jul 29 2020
The lift is the best part of a roller coaster
The rest is mostly downhill
π︎ 12
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︎ Jul 26 2020
Schindler's lift
π︎ 2k
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︎ Dec 08 2018
π︎ 27
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︎ Feb 02 2020
Scientists recently uncovered evidence of a dinosaur that loved to lift weights.
They've decided to call it hella sore.
π︎ 6
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︎ Jul 05 2020
Whatβs the difference between Albert Einstein and a guy that breaks wind inside a lift?
Einstein is a smart fella and the guy is.........
a fart smella.
π︎ 5
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︎ Jul 11 2020
Schindler's Lift
π︎ 15
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︎ Oct 23 2019
I think Iβll apply to a job at a scissor lift factory.
Theyβre always hiring people.
π︎ 3
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︎ Apr 27 2020
Schindler's Lift
π︎ 12
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︎ Feb 02 2020
You know what would really lift my spirits these days?
If I integrated a gym into my liquor store.
π︎ 6
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︎ May 07 2020
Schindler's Lifts
π︎ 17
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︎ Nov 21 2019
I guess this is schindler's lift.
π︎ 27
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︎ Dec 31 2019
Schindler's Lift
π︎ 10
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︎ Nov 20 2019
I had an argument with my wife in a lift the other day...
I was wrong on so many levels
π︎ 122
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︎ Jul 27 2019
Schindlerβs Lift
π︎ 15
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︎ May 09 2019
Schindler's lift
π︎ 15
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︎ Sep 21 2019
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
π︎ 6
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︎ Nov 08 2019
My grandfather is really frustrated that he has to take the stair chair lift because of his age.
Itβs driving him up the wall.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ May 15 2018
All the Avengers got into a lift
But only one couldnβt get out of it.
It was Tony Stuck
π︎ 5
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︎ Dec 27 2019
I saw a lift with a sign attached that said "due to an error, this lift can't go down"
My first thought was, "well, that's uplifting"
π︎ 7
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︎ Feb 03 2020
I asked my grandpa, "How are you enjoying the new stair lift?"
Grandpa: It has it's ups and downs
π︎ 4
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︎ Feb 09 2021
Just before midnight tonight, Iβll lift up my left leg.
That way, I can start the new year on the right foot.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 31 2020
Before the clock strikes midnight on December 31st be sure to lift your left leg.
That way you will start the new year off on the right foot.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 30 2020
My grandfather hates the stair lift I bought him for his birthday.
It's been driving him up the wall.
π︎ 155
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︎ Aug 15 2019
Make sure at 11:59 tonight you lift your left leg
That way you can start the new year on the right foot!
π︎ 7
π
︎ Dec 31 2019
Make sure to lift your left foot up at midnight tonight.
Start 2020 off on the right foot.
π︎ 44
π
︎ Dec 31 2019
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