I asked my grandpa, “How are you enjoying the new stair lift?”
Grandpa: I hate it. It’s driving me up the wall.
As I got out on the 11th floor, the lift operator said, "Have a good day son."
"Don't call me son, you're not my dad.!!" I said.
As the lift door closed, he looked me in the eye and said, "I brought you up, didn't I ?"
The hip hop elevator repairman fixed the lift.
He threw down on the up and up, yo.
Before the clock strikes midnight on december 31st be sure to lift your left leg
That way you will start off the new year on the right foot
Remember to lift your left leg up off the ground during the New Years countdown
So you can start the New Year off on the right foot
Edit: Thanks for the silver
What does a dad say at the lift?
I asked my grandfather how he’s enjoying the new stair lift that was recently installed in his house.
He said, “I hate it. It’s driving me up the wall.”
Sitting in the ER with my son last night, he got me with this one. I was trying to lift his spirits and was pointing out all the crazy equipment they have in the room. I said "Oh look. They have tongue depressers." He says "Those won't work on me." I asked why and he says...
"I'm on antidepressants."
He's going in for surgery at 3:30pm Pacific. All your positive thoughts and prayers are appreciated.
Edit: Thank you all for the kind words and omg for the gold! He's out of surgery and looks to be recovering nicely. All your well wishes helped cheer him and his parents up.
The lift is the best part of a roller coaster
The rest is mostly downhill
What’s the difference between Albert Einstein and a guy that breaks wind inside a lift?
Einstein is a smart fella and the guy is.........
a fart smella.
I had an argument with my wife in a lift the other day...
I was wrong on so many levels
When the smog lifts in Los Angeles, U.C.L.A.
My grandfather is really frustrated that he has to take the stair chair lift because of his age.
It’s driving him up the wall.
All the Avengers got into a lift
But only one couldn’t get out of it.
It was Tony Stuck
Why did the melon get confused in the lift?
Because it canteloupe from down.
A mechanic fell asleep and was crushed when another mechanic didn’t see him and lowered the lift. Cause of death? He was tire’d.
The lift broke at work the other day
I had to take steps to resolve it
The other day my favourite formula 1 driver asked me if I needed a lift
I said "No thanks I'm grand, but thanks verstappen"
At 11:59:59, don't forget to stand-up and lift your left foot off the ground.
That way you start the new year off on the right foot!
My boss gave me the option to use a ladder or a lift.
/r/mildlyinteresting suggested I post this here. The service lift at work is made by Schindler. Schindlers Lift.
imgur.com/OLsOw
If you skipped the gym for 6 months, don't start with what you used to lift...
Heard this one in the lift today
guy: how did your friday night go?
girl: it was amazing, we were all trashed. I ended up pulling a muscle
guy: wait... you went to the beach!?
girl: what? no, why?
guy: where else are going to pull a mussel?
the guy then proceeded to laugh at his own joke. Not sure if he was a dad, if not then he is on the right path
Edit I derped on the spelling of mussel
Upon exiting the elevator I noticed that I had just used Schindler's Lift
imgur.com/TpSKLN4
Why couldn't the wikileaks contributor get to the ski lift?
The song lyric comes on the radio, "I will lift you up," while in the car with my teenager.
I told her that the singer is a weight lifter. The eye roll was accompanied by a smirk.
The music video for the song https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=47dtFZ8CFo8
I knew the cow could lift my tractor
why did the impatient teenager lift little barbells lots of times?
why did the impatient teenager lift little barbells lots of times? not a fan of cooldown, he didn't like the weight.
I was in the lift at work and a Dad pulled this one out on me.
Ah looks like you've got an easy job standing in a lift all day. I bet it has it's ups and downs.
I asked my grandpa, "How are you enjoying the new stair lift?"
Grandpa: It has it's ups and downs
Before the clock strikes midnight on December 31st be sure to lift your left leg.
That way you will start the new year off on the right foot.
My grandfather hates the stair lift I bought him for his birthday.
It's been driving him up the wall.
What happens when the smog lifts over Southern California?
What happens when the smog lifts in Los Angeles?
Every year during the New Year's count down, I stand up from the couch and lift my left leg...
I want to be sure I start the new year off on the right foot.
What happens when the smog lifts in Los Angeles?
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