I think automation is hurting our economy...

When I write my life story, it will be a manual biography!

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👤︎ u/TheTimeDictator
📅︎ Feb 13 2020
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The Office sent out an automated message to all the junk emails that they were getting

Dunder Mifflin this is spam

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👤︎ u/rahull95
📅︎ Nov 03 2019
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I'm trying to create an automated contraption for growing herbs.

I think it'll be the world's first Thyme Machine.

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👤︎ u/thegimboid
📅︎ Jun 22 2014
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My dad gets an automated call...

"Attention this is not a sales call-"

My dad replies with "I know, it's a cell phone call."

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👤︎ u/ILoveLax
📅︎ Nov 24 2015
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I called to buy tickets for an Elvis tribute act…

It was an automated phone system which said, "Press 1 for the money, 2 for the show…"

👍︎ 3k
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👤︎ u/madazzahatter
📅︎ Oct 21 2017
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Dad-joked my teacher today

So, today was my CNC class. For those that don't know what CNC is, it's basically the computer programming, and execution of automated machining and manufacturing. To program it, there is a very long script you have to write to tell the machine what to do.

He was reviewing his own code in front of the whole class, when he realized something, he's missing an R-plane. He says "Where is my R-plane?" I respond, "Probably at the R-port"

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👤︎ u/She_Likes_Cloth
📅︎ Oct 23 2014
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Imagine, if you will, a futuristic dystopian society

In this society, companies and businesses are not legally allowed to give themselves a name. Instead, companies are ID's alphanumerically. The first businesses were Corporation A, Company B, Business C, ... Organization Z, Company A1, etc.

The world's current largest corporation is Company B. They're particularly known for their robotics manufacturing. One day, Company B had just finished the design for two new robots. One that would automatically play blues songs on a record player at the press of a button. (What we know today as a jukebox) The other was a companion robot for lonely people, modeled after a beagle.

Unfortunately, when the final version of these robots were being manufactured for a worldwide release, there was an error in the automated assembly line. This error caused the two robots to be built simultaneously, creating a single robot.

The resulting product came to be known as the Boogie Woogie Beagle Bot of Company B.

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👤︎ u/MrMcSwaggerton
📅︎ Nov 14 2015
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Vital signs

I'm an EMT and I was doing paperwork. My partner walks up to me with the vitals of a patient. BP was done with an automated cuff. Me: What's the blood pressure? Him: 165/95 Me: That's odd, heart rate? Him: 77 Me: Odd, respirations? Him: 16, is that odd too? Me: No, that's even.

I found it hilarious.

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📅︎ Aug 10 2016
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A Dad-tastic April Fools joke

This morning my friend and I were exchanging conversation about what our dad's usually do to prank us on April 1st. My dad always calls and says he was in a horrible car accident and broke a limb. It's never funny, but he laughs and laughs so I go with it. My friends Dad however is a classic Dad-joke type of Dad. This year, my friend tells me: >Friend: My dad said Mr. Lion called for me

>Me: Mr. Lion eh?

>Friend: Yea he gave me a number to call, but I haven't called it yet.

>Me: I'll call!

I get the number from him, and the automated message service for the San Diego Zoo clicks on. It's pun-tastic, a fun, and non aggravating April Fools joke.

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👤︎ u/jaszune
📅︎ Apr 01 2015
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