What do a mechanic and a lesbian have in common?
What do you call a Turkish car mechanic?
Mechanic: You should give your car a spoiler to improve its handling.
Me: Iron Man dies at the end.
The rather oppressive female mechanic was trying to sell me 5 new manual transmissions
Luckily, I managed to escape her clutches.
I'm going to have to fire my mechanic. He's always losing track of time.
And "Temporal Mechanics" is a dumb name for a company anyway.
If your vehicle breaks down in California, make sure your mechanic uses the state flag to check your oil ...
Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis"
The mechanic told me that he fixed the elevator
Someone recently came back from surgery after an accident with their eye. They got a new eye and a mechanical cover that can shine light while covering the eye
The doctors called it eyeLEDs
My mechanic tells me my engine keeps stalling because of excess friction.
Now I know I'm getting some wear.
I would tell a joke about quantum mechanics...
But if you saw it, it wouldn't be as good
I asked my mechanic why everyone made fun of what was on my wheel
My mechanic said there was nothing wrong with my...
What fish makes the best mechanic?
TunerFish!
My son came up with that one yesterday, future smart ass dad in training.
I brought my car to a mechanic and asked him, “Do you have any idea why my car is humming?”
He replied, “Probably because it doesn’t know all the lyrics.”
The first animal to be mechanically milked must've been pumped.
I know it's an old joke, I'm just milking it dry. I just think its dairy funny.
A Penguin sent his car off to the mechanic before going to the ice cream shop...
He ordered vanilla ice cream and gobbles it down before going back to the mechanic.
Mechanic: It looks like you blew a seal.
Penguin: Ah no that’s just ice cream.
I like the uniform mechanics wear...
What is a mechanic's wet dream
I lost my pizza cutter so I had to use a Bryan Adams CD instead
In case anyone is wondering it cuts like a knife
Part of me thinks cognitive dissonance can be a useful coping mechanism
... but another part of me disagrees.
I took my car to the shop today because my tire was making a whistling noise
Mechanic: sounds like a flat
Me: actually sounds more like an F-sharp to me
My teacher is giving a lecture on the mechanisms of drilling
So far, I find it very boring
Did you hear about the mechanic that got addicted to drinking brake fluid?
He said he could stop any time he wants.
How do you call a group of mechanics?
Carmen. I'll show myself out.
Worst movie title idea - Temporal Mechanics:
A mechanic fell asleep and was crushed when another mechanic didn’t see him and lowered the lift. Cause of death? He was tire’d.
An old car was asked by a mechanic if it wanted its wheels replaced...
It replied "no thanks, I've just retired."
What does a mechanic do after a one night stand?
What does a mechanical frog say?
I just picked up my car from the mechanic...
I’d love to say they did a good job, but it feels like it’s really braking.
A baby born now, in 2033, will be a...
Quaran-teen
Source: My local mechanic, bless his heart
http://imgur.com/gallery/XYWedTN
I saw a mechanic fixing the tailpipe of a car
Hear about the mute bicycle mechanic?
Hear about the mute bicycle mechanic?
He picked up a wheel and spoke 😂
My father, the elevator mechanic
My father has been working as an elevator mechanic most of his life. Whenever people ask him how work is going he says "It has its ups and downs"
Hes been making this joke for 27 years
Dora and Diego visit the North West in winter
Dora and Diego travel to the Pacific Northwest in the middle of winter. Suddenly they realise that there is a problem with their car, so they quickly pull into a nearby garage. The mechanic comes out and asks them "so what's wrong with your car?" Dora replies:
"Wiper no Wiping!!"
Why do dad jokes about quantum mechanics never work?
You cant know if theres a punch line or a punch wave
Understanding Quantum Mechanics is both a blessing and a curse.
Did you hear about the large petrol truck that liked to fix gadgets and mechanical toys?
3 engineers were arguing about who designed the human body
1: it has to be a CompSci engineer, judging by the brain’s complexity
2: you’re wrong, it was a Mechanics engineer, look at the muscle and skeleton systems working as one
3: you’re both wrong, it was an Urban Planner, otherwise waste and entertainment areas wouldn’t be adjacent.
In my life I've been a maintenance mechanic, a make-up artist, a media director, a mender, a metre inspector, a microcomputer support specialist, a mill helper, a mirror installer, a music librarian and a mortician investigator.
That's my Mployment record.
My grandad was responsible for 28 downed german planes in WW2.
Still to this day holds the record as the worst mechanic the Luftwaffe ever had.
What does the sex hungry mechanic do in the bedroom?
When you're in California, make sure your mechanic uses a state flag to check your oil.
Then you'll get a "Super Cali-Flagger Dipstick Expert Diagnosis."
Edit: Thanks for the Platinum stranger! Wow!
How did the mechanical frog greet his friends?
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