I have a friend who writes songs about sewing machines.

He's a Singer songwriter, or sew it seams.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BastetLXIX
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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Dogs can't operate MRI machines,

But cats-can.

πŸ‘︎ 124
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xenonthewizlard
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
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My wife has begun writing songs about her sewing machine

She wants to be a Singer-songwriter, or sew it seams.

πŸ‘︎ 82
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotcheetopuffs
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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I asked the trainer at the gym, which machine I should use to impress the ladies?

He pointed outside and said "The ATM machine. "

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
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The pulley is the most egotistical of all the machines.

It’s always the centre of a tension.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
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The worst thing about driving a Time Machine....

.....is the kids at the back asking, "Are we then yet?"

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
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Tennis ball machine for sale. Only $100.

Had it over a year now. Has served me well.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
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I got my chips before I put my money into the vending machine

I guess it's out of order.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/realtonylong
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Dogs can’t operate MRI machines.

But catscan.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
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The machine at the coin factory just suddenly stopped working, without explanation.

It doesn't make any cents!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cubres
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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The Lord of the Rings official pinball machine doesn’t take quarters.

Only Tolkiens

πŸ‘︎ 77
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
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I saw a guy walk into a store and buy 5 smoke machines, so I called the cops.

He must be in some extreme mist group.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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Every machine in the coin factory broke down all of a sudden without explanation.

It just doesn’t make any cents.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
To get to the time machine.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/UnchartedQuasar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
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A sketchy looking guy rented six smoke machines from my shop, so I called the cops.

He must be part of some extreme mist group.

πŸ‘︎ 605
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend composes songs about sewing machines

He's a Singer songwriter or sew it seams.

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/inLikeCyn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
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I bought a coin machine yesterday and I can't figure out how it works

It literally makes no sense

πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fartingbeans312
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2020
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I can’t believe I wasted all my time trying to help rearrange the vending machines at my local grocery store...

I’ve been moving them around all day but they still say they are β€œOut of Order”

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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Why does my coin minting machine have to be broken...

It just doesn't make cents

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrayWolf85
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
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The machine
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sikkgamer1661
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
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I added water to our bread machine

I don’t know if it worked, but it kneaded it.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rapideos
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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Recently, I’ve been building a car made from old washing machine parts

I’m going to take it out a spin tomorrow

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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When my great-grandad went bald, he built a machine to weave himself a wig out of yarn. He then gave it to my grandad, who then gave it to my dad - and one day, it will be mine.

It’s our family hair loom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2020
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I can't stop taking money out of every cash machine I walk past...

Doctor has diagnosed I'm suffering from withdrawal symptoms.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
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I accidently dropped grandma's ashes into my fog machine.

She will be mist.

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/writenroll
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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My mate composes songs about sewing machines.

He's a Singer songwriter, sew it seams.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brucemoose1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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Among all the machines, the pulley is the most egotistical.

It’s always at the centre of a tension.

πŸ‘︎ 926
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the ice cream machine need money?

It was broke

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dizzie222
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
So, I bought a coin minting machine on eBay for $10...

But the thing only makes pennies. I understand now why it was so cheap. It makes cents

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aakashrajaraman
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Every machine in the coin factory stopped working

It just doesn't make any cents!

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sharplight141
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
When the mystery machine gets a flat tire who has to change it?

Scooby Do

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πŸ‘€︎ u/1jet007
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
🚨︎ report
It's too bad about the guy that overreacted after falling into a lens-making machine.

He truly made a spectacle of himself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dabiker68
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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I hooked up a spooky mind control device to a windowblind making machine

Just thinking about it makes me shutter

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/darkstarman
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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I still don't understand cloning machines

That makes two of us

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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Why did the machine gunner keep missing his targets?

He suffered from turret syndrome.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/emjay144
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I write songs about sewing machines !

I'm a singer songwriter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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Here’s a Spanish joke: Did you hear that Mexicans created a machine that dispenses fish?

They call it a pez dispenser

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GDGameplayer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
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What does a soda machine and Monica Lewinsky have in common?

They both say "insert bill here."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JayXachos1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Coin making machines are really easy to understand. It just makes cents.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daloolcableb_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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Turns out our washing machine DOES have a β€œbaby poop” setting.

It’s called β€œHeavy Doody.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Phagemakerpro
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the nun say as she sat down at the sewing machine?

This could be habit forming.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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Why was the coach yelling at a vending machine?

He wanted his quarter back.

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Aagistar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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I have absolutely no idea what a cloning machine does!

That makes two of us.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/banditk77
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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What does a Greek machine need to work?

Greece

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wolf6513
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife keeps calling me a simple machine.

I think I might leaver.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SilverStormer3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend composes songs about sewing machines.

He's a Singer songwriter or sew it seams...

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chown-root
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Dogs can’t operate MRI machines.

But catscan.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Odinnextgen
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report

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