Pull the lever Gronk
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ‘€︎ u/catchingfire3HG
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2020
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The lever bee.

This was always one of my dad's favorites to tell us.

A long time ago, there was a beehive in the middle of a forest. Every day, as worker bees do, they would go out into their fields, gather pollen from the flowers, and bring it back to make honey.

The bees had a problem, though, because every so often an intruder would come around, such as a bear who wanted the honey, or kids who thought it'd be fun to throw rocks at the hive. Finally, the bees got tired of it.

Being the intelligent bees that they are, they built an alarm system for the hive. They built it such that one bee pulls a lever, which triggers the alarm that the bees will hear from the fields, and then the bees can come back to protect their home.

There was one bee who was exclusively assigned that job, and he was aptly named the "Lever Bee." His job was to watch for potential adversaries, and pull the lever to raise the alarm.

Now clearly, the safety of the hive depends on this one Lever Bee. So it stands to reason that he has to be constantly ready and on the alert so that he can do his job.

And that, friends, is why people say, "I'm as ready as a Lever Bee."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/kentron
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2013
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My grandpa grew up during the depression, as a result, he never threw anything away.

He died in the war, holding a hand grenade.

πŸ‘︎ 867
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2020
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I’m writing a song about how much I love seesaws.

It’s called 50 Ways to Love your Lever.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
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I doubted the gorgon when she said she could turn me into an insect grip, but then I saw her face...

...now I'm a bee lever.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
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Longest pun in the world: 10,784 words. 55,996 characters. longestjokeintheworld.com…
πŸ‘︎ 170
πŸ‘€︎ u/knestleknox
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2016
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Saw this online. Thought you would like it

My grandfather or Pa, as I called him gave my an absolute gem.

He was actually my step mother's dad and we already called my other grandfather Papa, so we called him 'Pa Ulb' - Ulb being his surname.

He was an incredible artist and would paint awesome things for us or on our bedroom walls. I remember he painted me a massive Star Wars piece on one of my walls when Episode 1 came out. I was only about about 6 at the time and remember being scared of Darth Maul. From this we used to joke around that Darth Maul would come and get me if I did anything wrong. Sort of like a police officer watching my every move, to ensure I behaved.

This carried on as a joke until he died 2 years ago, when I had done something wrong he said he'd call the police and get Maul to take me away. When he did die he had just finished an incredible painting of Darth Maul as a police officer. It was amazing! My parents could make sense of it and weren't sure if it was him that had painted it, so they flipped it over because he used to always write Pa Ulb Art and the title of the painting.

Surely enough on the back it said Pa ulb Art - Maul Cop.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ‘€︎ u/herper
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2015
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I told my friend that it feels like I'm dating a machine these days.

He advised "lever".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/epikshit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
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Father in law in the store.

So we're Swedish and this joke only works in Swedish (sorry). We went to buy some food, and the word liver has 2 meanings in Swedish ( lever - live and liver) So I said (pointing at the liver) Liver. He walk up to it and stares at it... And then he says nah looks pretty dead to me...

Sorry probably not so funny for you non sweeds..

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2014
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My work is complete....

We were at the dinner table with my adult children and my son said he was teaching his physics class the concept of simple machines. He had given the class a brief intro about their usefulness and how they can be found everywhere. Then he asked the students to come up with all the examples they could think of.

My daughter, barely containing herself to wait for a pause in the conversation, said with only the slightest of grins, "So the lesson would be 50 ways to love your lever?"

My dadness has been passed on. Nothing left for me to do here.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/randommillenium
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
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Whenever I'm feeling down, I watch 'The Emperor's New Groove'

It helps Yzma pain.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ‘€︎ u/Crash_86
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2017
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There was man named Demitri who lived in Russia....

Throughout his whole life he was just fascinated with trains. Specifically passenger cars. He would enjoy going on trips with his family.

Demitri grew up and decided to make it his career. Unfortunately the difficult life he had from bullies pushed him towards the bottle and turned him to an alcoholic.

One late night in his shift he wrecked the train killing 10 people. When the courts found out he was drunk while operating they charged him with murder and sentenced him to the electric chair. For his last meal he only requested a simple ripe banana. When his time came the executioner strapped him to chair and asked for any last words. He simply said, "No." The pulled the lever and to everyone's amazement he was unharmed. The government saw this as an act of God and released him.

Couple of years later Dimitri got another job operating locomotives again. Unfortunately bad habits are not easy to quit and he was still an alcoholic. These trains were his only happiness. Unfortunately it happened again. He was drunk and crashed the train this time killing 8 people. He was again sentenced to death by the electric chair. He once again requested a banana. This time executioner really soaked the sponge to not risk a repeat. When the lever was pulled Dimitri was again left unharmed. Once again it was concluded to be another act of God and he was given his freedom.

Dimitri turned to the bottle even more especially having 18 lives gone because of him. He somehow managed to get another job doing what he loved most. It happened again though. This time, 23 people. The courts angry sentenced him one more time to death by electric chair.

When the time for his final meal came he requested another banana. The guards being very visibly upset over the situation denied his request and he was left no last meal. As the time approached and he was strapped to the chair. The executioner had a large grin ready to take this murderous man off Earth. When he pulled the lever however he was still left unharmed.

Furious the executioner cried, "How are you still alive?! You did not eat the banana!"

Dimitri shook his head and simply said, "Oh no officer the banana is not why I'm still alive. It's because I'm a terrible conductor."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ‘€︎ u/jms199456
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2019
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Heard this one today at the post office

An older gentleman was trying to purchase stamps from the machine but it was not working. So he asked the associate and it went like this

Sir did you punch the lever??

No, I kicked it a bunch but no punching

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dickon-Manwoody
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2015
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