I always believed that 'sticks and stones would break my bones, but words would never hurt me.'

Until I fell into a printing press.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
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The other day my wife asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally gave her a glue stick

She still isn't talking to me

πŸ‘︎ 713
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hud_is_on
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
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Two drunk guys were about to get into a brawl. One of the guys grabs a stick and draws a line in the dirt and says "If you cross this line, I'll hit you in the face".

That was the punchline

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neo-1000
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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My son and I went camping yesterday and when he asked me how to start a campfire, I explained, "You can start a fire by rubbing two sticks together, but make sure they’re the same..."

"Then you’ll have a match."

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
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What do you call birds that stick together?

Velcrows!

πŸ‘︎ 107
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RudigherJones
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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What sticks up when you turn it on?

A light switch

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cjphillips612
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
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Why did the little walnut stick money to his feet?

Because he really wanted to be a cash-shoe.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call birds that stick together?

Vel-Crows

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reefer_rat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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WD40 could be called "Lubrican", but the name won't stick.
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gpsq
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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I accidentally handed my wife a glue stick instead of chap stick this morning.

She's still not speaking to me.

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tim_naduvilath
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2020
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A man was killed with only a stick of deodorant

It was the first Degree murder

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MitchOnTheMic
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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Why did Tigger stick his head in the toilet

He was looking for Pooh

Old I know...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mlrous
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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Just heard some pretty sad news about yard sticks

Did you know they aren't making yard sticks any longer?

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BeachPeachMcgee
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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Ugh. My garage was broken into and someone stole my Limbo Stick.

Seriously now, how low can you go?

πŸ‘︎ 209
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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When I was young, my parents used to buy all my sports gear but now that I’m an adult I figured I should splurge and buy myself a nice hockey stick. When I went looking at the store I realized that my parents would only buy me low quality, inexpensive sticks to save money.

Cheapskates!........cheap helmets, cheap gloves...

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deathorcharcoal
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is a wooden USB stick worthless?

Because it's all bark and no byte.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GameOnTheWay
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone broke into my garage last night and stole my limbo stick!

How could they go so low?

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do beginner artist always forget to draw the stick figure’s thumb when they draw a fist?

They forgot the punchline

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SleepyCrow07
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
So I heard they are not making yard sticks any longer.

Just 3 feet and no longer.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cabbithunt
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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My dog has been chewing on sticks when let her outside.

Now she barks out of both ends.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/loddytoddy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Chicken on a stick is called chicken skewers. Pork on a stick is a pork skewers. What do you call a horse on a stick?

Carousel

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drumsXgaming
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
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What’s the difference between a piano, tuna, and a glue stick?

You can tuna piano but you can’t piano a tuna

***Credit to my physics teacher for this joke

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NingenUser
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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I accidentally gave my wife a glue stick instead of a chapstick.

She still isn't talking to me

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
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I've got a great offer on Pritt Stick for celiacs...

Buy nine glues, get gluten free...

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
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don't stick your finger in crazy
πŸ‘︎ 98
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πŸ‘€︎ u/floofysox
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Stick Figure that has been going to the gym?

A Log Figure

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nikotiiiini
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
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Why did the bank hire a dog that collects sticks?

They needed a new branch manager.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MarioMakerProcess
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
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The second meme I've ever made. Not sure if I should stick with it.
πŸ‘︎ 509
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coorotaku
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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Can't believe someone broke into my garage and stole the limbo stick...

Seriously, how low can you go?

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vectorix36
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a rodent that fetches sticks?

A lab-rat!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/clark_creationz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I once tied my dog’s stick to a balloon, he brought it back from several miles away...

I know, it sounds a bit far-fetched.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
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The other night I tried to kill a vampire with a really big pointy stick, but my aim was terrible.

It was a giant missed stake.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jzerene
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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I can’t believe somebody broke into our garage and stole our limbo stick?

Seriously, how low can you go?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/beardedbob9
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
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What kind of crows always stick together...

Velcrowes!!!!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/leoniscute
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I didn’t think 2020 could get any worse, but someone stole my limbo stick

I mean how low could they go?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kelly10eyck
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I was teaching my 12 year old daughter how to mow the lawn. β€œYou need to pick either up and down or right and left, and then stick to it,” I told her. β€œDo you mow the whole yard in one direction.”

β€œWhy?” she asked.

β€œBecause that’s what makes it beautiful.”

Oh, the eye roll on this kid.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisoatkins
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone broke into my garage and stole the limbo stick

Like Seriously, how low can you go?

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DevilRyder
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm never using stick deodorant again...

The instructions said " remove cap and push up bottom"

I can hardly walk.

πŸ‘︎ 129
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Richo_HATS2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a fish, a piano, and a stick of glue?

You can’t tuna fish!

β€œWhat about the glue?”

I knew you’d get stuck on that!

πŸ‘︎ 145
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bbirdyy55
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
I was reminded of the time’s when I was a child the other day. My dad is to stick us in tires and roll us down the hills in the back yard....

Those were the GOODYEARS.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jeffro4140
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Friends who always stick around
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WetSoggyTaco
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I purchased a deodorant stick today. Instructions say, "remove cap and push up bottom."

I can hardly walk, but when I fart the room smells lovely. Credit: https://pun.me/pages/dad-jokes.php

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BredSolid
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I need a walking stick, and fast.

I’m in a hurrycane!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AreARetard
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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A friend of mine claims he can throw a stick 5 miles and his pet dog will retrieve it.

I think that's a bit far fetched.

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Anybody else find it hard to resist saying β€œfish dicks” when cooking your kids fish sticks?

Or is it just me...

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doravec88
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad: Hey kids, did you hear about that crazy lady who got breast implants full of twigs and sticks?

Me: ...no, why? Is another one of your stupid jokes again?

Dad: No, no, no. I read it on my Yahoos and thought it was weird.

Me: Oh... yeah, that is weird I guess.

Dad: It would've been funny if that joke had a punchline, wooden tit?

Me: Dad, no.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I can't believe someone broke into my garage and stole my limbo stick.

Seriously, how low can you go?

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uhavethebiggay
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report

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