Because I love work PUNS! :D
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ediosync
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I've given all jacks at my work pun names
πŸ‘︎ 87
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gamiproxy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2017
🚨︎ report
A coworker named Celsius recently retired at my work, so they hired a guy named Kelvin to replace him.

He's the new temp. Seems like a cool guy.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
My Wife is freaking out about this coronavirus. She made me promise I'd put the mask on before I left for work this morning......

Now I’m two hours late and I don’t even like Jim Carey

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/carpet_tart
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
🚨︎ report
Not sure if this board works out.
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
🚨︎ report
A guy in work asked why my son had given up his flying lessons.

I told him pilot jobs aren't really taking off at the moment.

πŸ‘︎ 153
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrbounce74
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
My boss shared this in my work chat today, it took me a moment...
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/errorFohOhFoh
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
🚨︎ report
If girls with big boobs work at The Hooters, where do the girls with only one leg work?

IHOP

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/s1_amit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20
🚨︎ report
I used to work at a nut farm

The work conditions were great but the salary was peanuts

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mister_origami
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
I got home from work and sat down for dinner with my parents. "Wow, haddock for dinner?"

Dad responds "So I take it you haddock-good day?"

(Note: This actually happened today.)

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Umikaloo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
🚨︎ report
(White)Bored at work
πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/olive-bernie
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
I went for a job interview today, he asked, "Can you tell me about your previous work experience in a nutshell?"

I said, "I've never had a job working in a nutshell."

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
What do you call a delivery driver who exclusively works with Indian restaurants?

A curryer.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phatbatt
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
What is the difference between a person who works in landscaping and someone who collects coffee?

One is a groundskeeper while the other is a grounds keeper

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
We’ve just had a decorator in to do some work on the house. I got chatting to him and it turns out he is a British Airways pilot who’s been furloughed and earning a bit of extra cash.

He made a lovely job of the landing.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tommadds
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09
🚨︎ report
That would bearly work!
πŸ‘︎ 121
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Stha118
πŸ“…︎ May 03
🚨︎ report
Wife: I’m not in the mood to do my homework. Me: Just phone it in and do C-work. Wife: I don’t know how to do C-Work.

Me: step 1, buy a boat.

Just happened. Not an official dad yet but she’s 6 months pregnant. Got to get the practice in while I can.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SashaBanks2020
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
My nickname at work is Mr. Compromise.

It wasn’t my first choice, but I’m okay with it.

πŸ‘︎ 277
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
I work at a store that sells imported prosthetic limbs.

I never though I'd grow up to be an international arms dealer.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
My friend asked me how the text-to-speech feature works on his phone, but I didn't bother explaining it to him.

It speaks for itself.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
Why do guns only work when they are fired.

Please help. I am tired but I can't fall asleep. I need the ultimate answer.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TrickyBullfrog2
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
Puns are the devils work

So i have nun

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brick_Beast
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
I used to work at the orange juice factory..

I got fired because I couldn't concentrate...

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VentilatedEgg
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
I knew I shouldn't steal a mixer from work,

But it was a whisk I was willing to take.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TalisEgg
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
🚨︎ report
I called my wife and told her I'd pick up pizza and coke on my way back home from work, but she's not happy.

She still regrets letting me name the twins.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
🚨︎ report
I learned how to draw an isometric the other day, but it didn’t work out.

I tried coming at it from a different angle, but it looked really sketchy

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hfoste1380
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
🚨︎ report
Everyone is out of work and we shaved the dog

....the whole family has been fur-low’d.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nesquik8
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14
🚨︎ report
What kind of condiment works as a laxative?

Musturd.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
I got my dad a new tool that helps him remove things he has clamped onto his work bench.

He said he’d never heard of such a de-vice.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DowntownCryptid
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
I used to work in a restaurant abnd my specialty was to make the icecreams and cakes, due to my busy schedule I had to quit...

Nonetheless they all call me a deserter

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lowlz13
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
Communism doesn't work for me.

It works for us.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
Why did the baker go to work?

He kneads the dough.

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Newbosterone
πŸ“…︎ May 07
🚨︎ report
What did the train engineer say when the electric chair didn’t work on him?

β€œI guess I’m just a good conductor”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lichiiiii
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
When I got to work this morning, my boss stormed up to me and said, "You missed work yesterday, didn't you?"

I said, "No, not particularly."

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
Used to work in a drugstore during pandemics.

They called me a med man.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Last-Woodpecker
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
🚨︎ report
I just bought a bed that was advertised as making you fall asleep in under 5 minutes. It didn't work.

I guess it's a bunk bed.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JEJoll
πŸ“…︎ May 13
🚨︎ report
Why did the man work in a barn for hus whole life?

Because is was a stable career

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NDB05_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
My father was an electrical engineer. I'm not one, but I like to work with electronics.

It's in the wiring.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JackFunk
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
Why did the frog take the bus to work today ?

His car got toad away

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
🚨︎ report
Physicians work alone, or in mid-sized teams

because two of them together would be a paradox.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
My father and grandfather work for the DMV.

I come from a long line of long lines.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
My shoe split at work today

I knew this job would take my sole

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crownroyalt
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
I've been fired from work for putting in too many shifts

Keyboard manufacturing isn't as easy as you think

πŸ‘︎ 119
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02
🚨︎ report
What does a lawyer wear to work?

Lawsuits

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
My partner is having a bad day at work, so I thought I would draw his favorite animal with a cute note.
πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cjmeoow
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
My brother builds yatchts and was told to work from home during corona virus

Sails have gone through the roof

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SHAGGZY101
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Yacht builder that had to work from home?

His sails went through the roof

πŸ‘︎ 184
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RavenxMiyagi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27
🚨︎ report
Which medieval line of work has been the most let down throughout history?

Guards.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Phripheoniks
πŸ“…︎ May 24
🚨︎ report
My wife had a hard day at work, so I drew her a warm bath...

She didn't really seem to appreciate the sketch but it went on the fridge anyway...

Edit: I thunk up a better punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09
🚨︎ report
I met a woman who makes face masks for people in need during the pandemic, but it looked like she was getting overwhelmed by all the work.

She seamstressed.

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ May 07
🚨︎ report
How'd they work out the thief was a T-Rex?

A DinoSaw

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
What happens when citrus fruits work overtime?

They get lime and a half...

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
I tried making flour mate but it didn't work!

I thought it could be bred!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/potatogodofDoom
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
I work nights so I sleep during the day.

I daydream.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
What do you call a can opener that doesn’t work?

A can’t opener

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Punx80
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
Just had a hectic first day at work

People kept running in and yelling at me that they would need a venti later, then running right back out to their large flashy vans blaring obnoxious music.

I kept having to call after them, saying that β€œthis is a hospital, not a Starbucks!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iamayurt
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
Finally realised these "gym" boards are not going to work out.
πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
Wife is working on the computer and says "i can't work in glasses"

I say, "why?, too many blind spots?"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oddie121
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
My brother works at a horse ranch

I gotta say, he's been living a stable job.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChaoticBorya
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
I used to work as a chef and I had so many utensils that I rented a unit to keep them all in.

It was my spatula pad.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
I met a girl on tinder whose bio said she used to work at a meat packing plant and that she'd heard all the jokes before...

So I asked her out on a date for the weekend but to let me know by Friday if she had to can salami.

(Cancel on me)

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
🚨︎ report
Will you remember me joke. Needs 2 people to work.

"Will you remember me in a day?"

"Yes I will"

"Will you remember me in a week?"

"Yes I will"

"Will you remember me in a year?"

"Yes I will"

"Ok let me tell you a joke...knock knock..."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10
🚨︎ report
I've had to use my old nintendo controller to work from lately

You can say I've been working wiimotely

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/akjohnston87
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
What do you call a cow that works out?

Beefy

  • my 15 year old daughter trying to emulate my sense of humor.
πŸ‘︎ 73
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deus42
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26
🚨︎ report
cleaning with alcohol doesn't work...

...NOTHING gets done after that first bottle.

πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
The work on Big Ben is meant to take 3 years.

That's a long time considering they're working around the clock.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrfantastic123r
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do so many spiders work in IT?

They're great web-developers.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BuurmanSnoek
πŸ“…︎ May 08
🚨︎ report
Little Johnny was going door to door asking his neighbors if they needed any yard work done.

When he got to old man Johnson’s house the old man said β€œMy yard doesn’t need any work, but my porch is in need of a coat of paint. I’ll pay you 50 bucks, and if you finish by sundown I’ll throw in a 50 dollar bonus”.

With a confused look on his face little Johnny accepted the offer and got to work.

Less than an hour later little Johnny knocked on old man Johnson’s door to collect his hundred dollars.

β€œAll finished, that’ll be one hundred dollars”!

Noticing there wasn’t a single drop of paint on the porch the old man started quizzing little Johnnys integrity.

β€œNow little Johnny, are you absolutely positively one hundred percent sure you finished painting my porch”?

β€œI sure am! Oh and by the way that’s not a porch, it’s a Ferrari”!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/plmcalli
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
Where do proctologists work?

In an orifice building.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ExaltedBEECloud
πŸ“…︎ May 12
🚨︎ report
When you work with computers, you should regularly check their storage management.

It's pretty easy and it won't hurt one bit.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KevinK15
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
A pirate is transported to modern day and stumbles upon a lumber mill while looking for work. When the pirate is asked if he knows how to use any of the tools...

He replies, "Arkansas".

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dominant_Dankster
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
You know what works better when tired?

Cars

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KoronaSenpai
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
🚨︎ report
Someone at work stole my Nikes and my Hi-Viz vest

They can run but they cannot hide

(Not mine- if anyone knows the source just say so)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nesquik8
πŸ“…︎ May 09
🚨︎ report
When I was making the flag of China, I asked my mom to rate my work.

She gave it five stars.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HayangIsNoob
πŸ“…︎ May 13
🚨︎ report
My 4 day work week is like my 21 year marriage

No hump day

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ May 07
🚨︎ report
What do you call a place where annelids work out?

An Earthworm Gym.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlastLeatherwing
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
🚨︎ report
A man is explaining to his coworker that he never realized how much his wife loved him until he was home sick from work the previous day

β€œReally?” the coworker asks. β€œWhat showed you she really loved you?”

β€œShe was just really excited to have me around,” the man replied. β€œLike when the mailman and FedEx guy came to the door she shouted excitedly, β€˜My husband is home! My husband is home!’”

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sardonicuis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
Bullets don’t do their work...

Until they’re fired

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/meister__
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
How do you know when a watch is off work?

It clocks out

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MuchoTornado
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
I tried to write a code for dancing robots but it didn’t work

I guess it had no algorithm

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ife2105
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
What are the requirements to work in marine biology?

Your grades need to be above C-level

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/evac95
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
I was going to make a joke about unemployment....but non of them work
πŸ‘︎ 117
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jj_arora_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
🚨︎ report
Helping my work colleague with her car. "I'm sorry, it's not looking good....

... I think it's caught the car owner virus"

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
🚨︎ report
I used to work at a calendar factory

But I got fired for taking a couple of days off.

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CouldBeSageAdvice
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
🚨︎ report
I took my 8-year old girl to the office with me on, "Take Your Kid to Work Day." As we were walking around the office, she starting crying and getting very cranky, so I asked what was wrong with her.

As my coworkers gathered round, she sobbed loudly, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said that you worked with?!"

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24
🚨︎ report
My friend boasted that he domesticates cats from Africa for a living. I stopped by his work, and he was working with house cats...

He's a lyin' tamer.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
I work in the kelp industry

Needless to say, I seaweed everyday

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15
🚨︎ report
I broke one of my fingers at work today.

On the other hand, everything is okay.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
The scarecrow won employee of the month at work today

he was outstanding in the field

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oSocialPeanut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
Let the pros do the work
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/no_owwwwwwee
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25
🚨︎ report
Do you think that Terry Pegula's kids ever get tired of him saying, as he's headed out the door to work ...

"Time to go pay the Bills."?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mediumbugger
πŸ“…︎ May 05
🚨︎ report

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