Work pun regarding a dewar (large metal tank used for liquid nitrogen)
Because I love work PUNS! :D
What works faster than a calculator?
What do you call a snake that works for the government?
I said I was sad to have to go back to work on Monday after a long break. My four year old without missing a beat said...
Daddy, you're sad because it's SADurday.
I was so proud.
What do you call a calculator that works instantly?
My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days
I said it must be my weekend immune system
The elevator at work was broken so I took the stairs...
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Now no one can get down.
I just found out the country of Canada is a complete work of fiction.
I havent read a book in ages. So i decided to start with a book of how clocks work.
I used to work at a calendar factory
But they fired me for taking a couple of days off
when I was a child we were so poor that my mother made us clothes out of the scraps my dad would bring home from work at the sandpaper factory
I was having problems with the printer at work last week and I had to ring the engineer. I told him that I kept putting paper in to the printer but the display kept saying it just can't get enough...
The engineer said "ah yes.... it's stuck in Depeche Mode"....
An egg got late to work. He says to his boss:
So I’m at dinner with the fam, telling the joke about what the kid with no arms got for Christmas (we still don’t know because he hasn’t opened them yet)...I set it up...a friend of mine at work has a kid...no arms...and deliver the punchline...
And my 10 year old son, completely deadpan, tells me
‘Dad, I knew that story wasn’t real because you don’t have any friends’
👻👻💀💀☠️☠️ It took me a solid 5 minutes to stop laughing.
I have achieved Dad level 10 at raising my kids
I can’t do good work in Excel without getting compliments,
I really need the validation.
I'm getting bored of hearing these Olympic athletes say .. 'how much work they've put in and the sacrifices they've made.'
What do they want a medal?
Who works after they're fired?
A buddy of mine works on an oil field. I had to stop spending time with him..
Because his sense of humor was too crude
Wanna know why I like to do yard work?
It really takes the hedge off!
A preacher with a lisp hired a sinner to paint his church. To save money, the sinner man added water into the paint can. It didn’t work well. The preacher told him:
Young man, you need to repaint and thin no more.
How does pacman work out?
A walk a walk a walk a walk a walk a walk
What shoes does a ninja wears to work?
If girls with big boobs work at Hooters where do girls with only one leg work?
Its extremely rare for a defibrillator not to work.
But when it happens no one’s shocked.
My friend works in IT and I asked him, “How do you make a motherboard?”
He said, “I usually tell her about my job.”
Before I start, I need to see if this thing works.
"Everyone named Michael stand up."
Assorted people stand up
"And that concludes the mike check."
My coworker brought some vegetables to snack on during work, and he didn’t offer me any
It’s like he didn’t even carrot all
What do lawyers wear to work?
I finally went to talk to the super cute girl who works in the Egyptian super market.
Her: What can I do for you?
Me: I'm looking for a date.
Her: Oh, what kind of dates?
Me: Uhmm, just dinner and a movie :)
The devil and a criminal work great together
After all, they have great sin-ergy.
What do you call an Arby's cook who leaves to work for McDonald's?
Yeah, I work out. I do one sit-up every day.
When I get up in the morning, that’s half. When I lie back down at night, that’s the other half.
I was sitting on the toilet, angry, and late for work.
I thought, “I don’t have time for this shit.”
I used to work as a programmer for autocorrect....
Then they fried me for no raisin.
My Dad works in the ceiling fan industry
I was at the recruitment agency and the consultant asked me what I thought of voluntary work?
I wouldn't do it if you paid me.
Ever since 2017, my New Year’s resolution has been to work on my novel.
Four years going and I’ve almost finished reading it!
What did the guinea pig say to the hamster before leaving work on Friday?
If this new covid vaccine works...
...It'll be a real shot in the arm for 2021.
What does a lawyer wear to work?
What works faster than a calculator?
My boss asked why I only get sick on work days
I said it must be my weekend immune system
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