A woman suddenly in labor shouts, shouldn’t! wouldn’t! couldn’t! didn’t! can’t! The doctor says "don't worry."

β€œThose are just contractions.”

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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My wife was going into labor and kept frantically shouting, "Call me an ambulance! Call me an ambulance!"

So I said, "You're an ambulance."

What a strange thing to say

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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My pregnant neighbor was really nervous when the woman who was to assist her in labor was stuck in traffic.

She was having a midwife crisis.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife went into labor today, so I read the front page of /r/DadJokes to her as a distraction from the pain. Unfortunately, she didn’t laugh once, was clearly not amused and I have no idea why...

It must have been the delivery...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
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What labor camps do zombies go to?

Ghoul-logs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KadynDraws
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
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When Mary had a little lamb, the labor and delivery doctor was surprised...

When Old MacDonald had a farm, the doctor died of shock.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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My wife screamed in pain during labor so I asked, β€œWhat’s wrong?”. She screamed. β€œThese contractions are going to kill me!!”

β€œI am sorry, honey,” I replied. β€œWhat is wrong?”

πŸ‘︎ 15k
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2019
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During her first pregnancy my wife was concerned with how much labor was going to hurt.

I told her don't worry about it, he came out of me first and it felt fine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anynamethatworks
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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Did you hear about the coal mining startup that used child labor? Thankfully they caught it early.

So it was only a minor minor miner issue.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shargus_live
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2020
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When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time...

When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time, but she didn’t laugh at any of them. Nevertheless I’ve persisted with telling the same lame Dad jokes during the births of each of our kids. Today she’s in labor with our fourth and I’ve finally got her laughing...

I think I’ve really improved the delivery!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Po1sonator
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
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I needed hot air balloon pilots for an event. I could either hire or use prison labor.

Dad told me I should weigh the pros and cons first.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/exaball
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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Today I tried to get a job at a general labor temp agency but was told I didn't qualify.

I am only cleared for leiutenant labor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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Right after being born, my newborn daughter wouldn't "latch" for her first feeding. So after 27-plus hours of labor and four hours of pushing, I looked at my poor, exhausted wife and said, "Looks like she's... resisting abreast."

My first official dad joke.

Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger! I’ll be putting this in my little one’s Reddit Scholarship Fund!

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gaudiocomplex
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2019
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"Push harder", I shouted at my wife while she was in labor. "Screw you", she yelled back at me.

A bit harsh I thought, it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to hospital.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
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When my mom was in labor, my head got stuck in her, and the midwife had to pull me out.

That’s how excited I was to see my little brother.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2018
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A woman in labor started shouting, β€œShouldn’t, wouldn’t, can’t don’t.” The doctor turned to the husband and said,

β€œDon’t worry, they’re only contractions.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
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Me: My wife is going into labor! Operator: Is this her first child?

Me: No it’s her husband......

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
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A woman in labor suddenly shouted, β€œShouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”

β€œDon’t worry,” said the doc. β€œThose are just contractions.”

πŸ‘︎ 491
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
🚨︎ report
While my wife was in labor I read her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didn’t seem amused...

I guess it was the delivery!

πŸ‘︎ 211
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
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When my mom was in labor she suddenly shouted β€œShouldn’t! Wouldn’t! Couldn’t! Didn’t! Can’t!”

My dad said to the doctor, β€œdon’t worry those are just contractions”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cool-kid103
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
They say you should steer clear of a hippopotamus in labor...

A wide berth for a wide birth.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/respectively288
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
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Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?

Because that’s the baby’s crowning achievement.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/surgicalfunnel
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
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I thought of perfect Dad joke while my wife was in labor

But I messed up the delivery.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/farrukhsshah
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
When my wife went into labor, I was going to tell her dad jokes to try to relax her, but I was worried about the delivery.
πŸ‘︎ 306
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
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A lady was in labor with our first child when suddenly she began to shout, "Shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't, didn't, can't!"

The doctor said to the husband, "don't get too alarmed... She's just having contractions."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
🚨︎ report
One line Labor Day jokes

Did you hear the one about Labor Day?
It works for me!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfraymond
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Happy Labor Day to all the moms out there. We appreciate you!
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubeykeebler
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I had a joke about Labor Day...

unfortunately it didn’t work out

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Frankenhiemer12
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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TIL that sea-faring pirates were quite progressive in their labor practices, reserving a portion of their loot into an early sort of worker's comp, paying for peg-legs and hooks.

They weren't big fans of arrrbitration.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
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My favorite thing about being born on labor day

Labor day I was born a pun and I love it. I'm legally pun

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yaoi_boi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
[request] my wife will be going into labor soon.

Would you guys be willing to please give me some fantastic puns/dad jokes for the delivery room to make the occasion extra memorable? Thanks in advance.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/supergnaw
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2018
🚨︎ report
During labor, the nurse came up to my wife and said, β€œHow about epidural anesthesia?”

I said, β€œThanks, but we already picked a name.”

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Happy Labor day to all the moms out there. We appreciate everything you went through!
πŸ‘︎ 140
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubeykeebler
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
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Did you know the match makers' union didn't have picket lines for their labor disputes?

They were strike anywhere.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PM_ME_UR_BENCHYS
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
So, I was very nervous because while my wife was on labor in our car, going to the hospital, we still had not decided what name to give our son. We never made it to the hospital, but the incident helped us to name our son.

We named him Carson.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/WijoWolf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
While all physical labor jobs are hard on your body...

...Coal miners really get the shaft.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Androidsunrise
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
🚨︎ report
While my wife was in labor, I told her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she wasn't amused…

It must have been the delivery…

πŸ‘︎ 297
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2017
🚨︎ report
I'm driving my wife to the hospital since shes in labor, Unfortunately she gives birth in the car to a baby boy.

I named him Carson

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/turkey221
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Methheads in labor...

have speedy deliveries.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhiteWalterBlack
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife went into labor and gave birth inside my car.

Consequently we named him Carson.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brendenmefford
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Not a fan of child labor, but these carrots are amazing!

https://imgur.com/a/xE9fo

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alexslivi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2018
🚨︎ report
When is Labor Day?

About 9 months after Father's Day.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/camthehombre
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2018
🚨︎ report
The fruits of some clever designer's labor.

https://i.redditmedia.com/1i8n5hhsN3ki0zaVpgHVFhITZn8H5fgjgEMxgVn-cY0.jpg?w=750&s=b4652e130d0b599636f881297487282b

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πŸ‘€︎ u/skyskr4per
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
🚨︎ report
9 month Pregnant wife: I’m going into labor!!

Me: What field? Construction?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NewMexUrbanPrep
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2018
🚨︎ report
What was the result of the labor dispute at the bowling alley?

A strike.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scarlet_Spectre
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2015
🚨︎ report
What happens if you go into labor in the ocean?

You have to have a sea-section!

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yoquiero
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2016
🚨︎ report
My wife is due with our first baby any time now and she made a poll to have the family guess when she would go into labor. Hilarity ensued.
πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pyramids_of_Gold
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2017
🚨︎ report
They say you should steer clear of a hippopotamus in labor...

A wide berth for a wide birth.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/respectively288
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
During labor, the nurse asked my wife, β€œHow about Epidural Anesthesia?”

I said, β€œThanks, but we already picked a name.”

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
🚨︎ report

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