βMy wife is going into labor, what do I do?β βIs this her first child?β
βNo, this is her husbandβ
π︎ 26
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︎ Apr 27 2021
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, βShouldnβt! Wouldnβt! Couldnβt! Didnβt! Canβt!β
βDonβt worry,β said the doctor. βThose are just contractions.β
π︎ 14
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︎ May 18 2021
With no buses, trains, or taxis in sight, and my wife going into labor, I figured the only solution was a piggyback.
But she refused to give me one.
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︎ Feb 27 2021
My wife was going into labor and kept frantically shouting, "Call me an ambulance! Call me an ambulance!"
So I said, "You're an ambulance."
What a strange thing to say
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︎ Dec 26 2020
My wife went into labor today, so I read the front page of /r/DadJokes to her as a distraction from the pain. Unfortunately, she didnβt laugh once, was clearly not amused and I have no idea why...
It must have been the delivery...
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︎ Aug 26 2020
My pregnant neighbor was really nervous when the woman who was to assist her in labor was stuck in traffic.
She was having a midwife crisis.
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︎ Nov 27 2020
My wife screamed in pain during labor so I asked, βWhatβs wrong?β. She screamed. βThese contractions are going to kill me!!β
βI am sorry, honey,β I replied. βWhat is wrong?β
π︎ 15k
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︎ Aug 03 2019
What labor camps do zombies go to?
π︎ 9
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︎ Sep 19 2020
Right after being born, my newborn daughter wouldn't "latch" for her first feeding. So after 27-plus hours of labor and four hours of pushing, I looked at my poor, exhausted wife and said, "Looks like she's... resisting abreast."
My first official dad joke.
Edit: Thanks for the gold, kind stranger! Iβll be putting this in my little oneβs Reddit Scholarship Fund!
π︎ 12k
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︎ Jan 09 2019
Did you hear about the coal mining startup that used child labor? Thankfully they caught it early.
So it was only a minor minor miner issue.
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︎ Jun 11 2020
When Mary had a little lamb, the labor and delivery doctor was surprised...
When Old MacDonald had a farm, the doctor died of shock.
π︎ 3
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︎ Sep 02 2020
When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time...
When my wife was in labor with our first child I read her jokes to pass the time, but she didnβt laugh at any of them. Nevertheless Iβve persisted with telling the same lame Dad jokes during the births of each of our kids. Today sheβs in labor with our fourth and Iβve finally got her laughing...
I think Iβve really improved the delivery!
π︎ 42
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︎ Jun 25 2020
When my mom was in labor, my head got stuck in her, and the midwife had to pull me out.
Thatβs how excited I was to see my little brother.
π︎ 5k
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︎ Aug 12 2018
During her first pregnancy my wife was concerned with how much labor was going to hurt.
I told her don't worry about it, he came out of me first and it felt fine.
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︎ Jul 16 2020
I needed hot air balloon pilots for an event. I could either hire or use prison labor.
Dad told me I should weigh the pros and cons first.
π︎ 5
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︎ Jul 16 2020
Today I tried to get a job at a general labor temp agency but was told I didn't qualify.
I am only cleared for leiutenant labor.
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︎ Apr 23 2020
"Push harder", I shouted at my wife while she was in labor. "Screw you", she yelled back at me.
A bit harsh I thought, it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to hospital.
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︎ Apr 03 2020
When my wife went into labor, I was going to tell her dad jokes to try to relax her, but I was worried about the delivery.
π︎ 307
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︎ Jan 06 2019
They say you should steer clear of a hippopotamus in labor...
A wide berth for a wide birth.
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 01 2019
A lady was in labor with our first child when suddenly she began to shout, "Shouldn't, couldn't, wouldn't, didn't, can't!"
The doctor said to the husband, "don't get too alarmed... She's just having contractions."
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︎ Nov 25 2018
Why is a baby showing the top of its head during labor a significant event?
Because thatβs the babyβs crowning achievement.
π︎ 7
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︎ Nov 25 2019
I thought of perfect Dad joke while my wife was in labor
But I messed up the delivery.
π︎ 14
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︎ Oct 03 2019
[request] my wife will be going into labor soon.
Would you guys be willing to please give me some fantastic puns/dad jokes for the delivery room to make the occasion extra memorable? Thanks in advance.
π︎ 13
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︎ Feb 08 2018
One line Labor Day jokes
Did you hear the one about Labor Day?
It works for me!
π︎ 6
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︎ Aug 25 2019
Happy Labor Day to all the moms out there. We appreciate you!
π︎ 15
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︎ Sep 02 2019
I had a joke about Labor Day...
unfortunately it didnβt work out
π︎ 5
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︎ Sep 02 2019
TIL that sea-faring pirates were quite progressive in their labor practices, reserving a portion of their loot into an early sort of worker's comp, paying for peg-legs and hooks.
They weren't big fans of arrrbitration.
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︎ Sep 02 2019
During labor, the nurse came up to my wife and said, βHow about epidural anesthesia?β
I said, βThanks, but we already picked a name.β
π︎ 51
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︎ Apr 05 2019
My favorite thing about being born on labor day
Labor day I was born a pun and I love it. I'm legally pun
π︎ 6
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︎ Aug 09 2019
So, I was very nervous because while my wife was on labor in our car, going to the hospital, we still had not decided what name to give our son. We never made it to the hospital, but the incident helped us to name our son.
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︎ Jan 16 2019
Did you know the match makers' union didn't have picket lines for their labor disputes?
They were strike anywhere.
π︎ 3
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︎ Jul 25 2019
Methheads in labor...
π︎ 4
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︎ Jun 10 2018
I'm driving my wife to the hospital since shes in labor, Unfortunately she gives birth in the car to a baby boy.
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︎ Jan 22 2019
Not a fan of child labor, but these carrots are amazing!
https://imgur.com/a/xE9fo
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︎ Jan 07 2018
My wife went into labor and gave birth inside my car.
Consequently we named him Carson.
π︎ 8
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︎ Jan 10 2019
When is Labor Day?
About 9 months after Father's Day.
π︎ 5
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︎ Jun 18 2018
The fruits of some clever designer's labor.
https://i.redditmedia.com/1i8n5hhsN3ki0zaVpgHVFhITZn8H5fgjgEMxgVn-cY0.jpg?w=750&s=b4652e130d0b599636f881297487282b
π︎ 2
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︎ May 02 2018
What was the result of the labor dispute at the bowling alley?
π︎ 9
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︎ May 29 2015
A woman suddenly in labor shouts, shouldnβt! wouldnβt! couldnβt! didnβt! canβt! The doctor says "don't worry."
βThose are just contractions.β
π︎ 13k
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︎ Sep 16 2020
A woman in labor started shouting, βShouldnβt, wouldnβt, canβt donβt.β The doctor turned to the husband and said,
βDonβt worry, theyβre only contractions.β
π︎ 11
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︎ Feb 26 2020
A woman in labor suddenly shouted, βShouldnβt! Wouldnβt! Couldnβt! Didnβt! Canβt!β
βDonβt worry,β said the doc. βThose are just contractions.β
π︎ 485
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︎ Apr 07 2019
Me: My wife is going into labor! Operator: Is this her first child?
Me: No itβs her husband......
π︎ 8
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︎ Apr 01 2020
While my wife was in labor I read her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she didnβt seem amused...
I guess it was the delivery!
π︎ 210
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︎ Aug 06 2019
When my mom was in labor she suddenly shouted βShouldnβt! Wouldnβt! Couldnβt! Didnβt! Canβt!β
My dad said to the doctor, βdonβt worry those are just contractionsβ
π︎ 8
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︎ Oct 04 2019
They say you should steer clear of a hippopotamus in labor...
A wide berth for a wide birth.
π︎ 2
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︎ Oct 02 2019
Happy Labor day to all the moms out there. We appreciate everything you went through!
π︎ 141
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︎ Sep 03 2018
While my wife was in labor, I told her jokes to distract her from the pain, but she wasn't amusedβ¦
It must have been the deliveryβ¦
π︎ 294
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︎ Aug 30 2017
During labor, the nurse asked my wife, βHow about Epidural Anesthesia?β
I said, βThanks, but we already picked a name.β
π︎ 35
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︎ Nov 23 2018
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