I really push the envelope in this video.... v.redd.it/c2yyvsfjuzb41
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DumpedAt22
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
🚨︎ report
My wife and I were woken up at 3am by loud banging on our door. I got up, opened the door and there was a drunken stranger standing in the pouring rain, asking for a push. "Are you insane man?!!? It's 3 in the morning!!" I screamed, slamming the door and stormed back to bed...

"Who was that?" asked my wife.

"Just some drunk asking for a push." I grumbled.

"Did you help him?" she asked.

"No, I did NOT! It's 3am and it's pouring rain!"

"Well, you've a short memory." she said. "Don't you remember three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of yourself! Now get out there and help him!"

She had a point, and angrily, I got dressed and went out into the darkness, calling out, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes."

"Do you still need a push?"

"Yes please."

"Where are you?"

"Over here...on the swing."

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
I bought a roll on deodorant, the instructions said "remove cap and push up bottom"...

I walk kinda funny now but my farts smell great!

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Toberoni
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
Why did the Mexican man push his wife of a cliff ?

Tequila

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lovethythumb
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently learnt the Welsh word for 'push' is 'lluq'.

I saw it written on a Glass Door.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhoElseButAlf
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
These push up bras are rubbish

I’ve just put one on and can only manage 7

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGinuineOne
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
It doesn't matter how much you push the envelope

It'll still be stationery.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NachoRaptor
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Push me down
πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tarlungs110466
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
I purchased a deodorant stick today. Instructions say, "remove cap and push up bottom."

I can hardly walk, but when I fart the room smells lovely. Credit: https://pun.me/pages/dad-jokes.php

πŸ‘︎ 84
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BredSolid
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I always try to push other people at the gym

I once knocked an old woman into a treadmill

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rthomason11
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
He wouldn’t be let down if he didn’t push their buttons...
πŸ‘︎ 287
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-JasonTe
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2020
🚨︎ report
No matter how hard you push the envelope ...

It'll still be stationery.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
No matter how much you push the envelope,

It'll always be stationery.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JDogg323
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s green and turns red when you push a button?

A frog in a blender.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zuckerschneggle
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Just wondering, if you push the buttons on a calculator really fast ...

... does it become a calcu-earlier?

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why Did Karen Push Ctrl + Alt + Delete?

She wanted to see the task manager.

πŸ‘︎ 36
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TenderJello
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report
"Push harder", I shouted at my wife while she was in labor. "Screw you", she yelled back at me.

A bit harsh I thought, it wasn't my fault the car broke down on the way to hospital.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I really push the envelope in this video.... v.redd.it/c2yyvsfjuzb41
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thel3viathan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
🚨︎ report
No matter how far you push the envelope...

It'll always be stationery

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Stonefly_C
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I was in an elevator with my wife when a couple entered with their kids. I went out of my way to ask what floor they were going up to so I could push the button for them.

I wanted to prove to my wife that I was serious about raising a family.

πŸ‘︎ 111
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Why doesn’t PETA use cliche’s to push their agenda?

Because there is more than one way to skin a cat.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmahler0514
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
🚨︎ report
No matter how much you push the envelope

It will still be statioery

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/djkp7211
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I bought a new deodorant yesterday. The instructions said "Remove cap and push up bottom"

It hurt like hell, but my farts smell great.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Which artery does not push oxygenated blood?

The pullmonary artery

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/teh-eart-iz-flet
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2020
🚨︎ report
A man and his wife are awakened at 3 o'clock in the morning by a loud pounding on the door. The man gets up and goes to the door, where a drunken stranger, standing in the pouring rain, is asking for a push. "Not a chance!" says the husband. "It's three o'clock in the morning!"

He slams the door and returns to bed.

"Who was that?" asked his wife.

"Just some drunk guy asking for a push." he answers.

"Did you help him?" she asks.

"No, I did not! It's three in the morning and it's pouring out!"

"Well, you have a short memory." says his wife. "Can't you remember about three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? I think you should help him and you should be ashamed of yourself!"

The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the pounding rain.

He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"

"Yes." comes back the answer.

"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.

"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.

"Where are you?" asks the husband.

"Over here, on the swing."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2018
🚨︎ report
I bought a new deodorant today. The instructions said to remove cap and push up bottom.

I can barely walk but my farts smell lovely.

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bryanBr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when you push an Asian down stairs?

Wong on so many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OtakuJoness
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw a woman who said to check her balance, I paused and wondered why she asked that but I checked her balance with a push and she tumbled to the ground. I shruged, got my bank statement and left the bank.
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/datboiJR
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2019
🚨︎ report
If you push the envelope...

...is it still stationary?

πŸ‘︎ 136
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiscoveringMore
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
🚨︎ report
I’m sorry didn’t mean to push your buttons.

I was just looking for Mute.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bluto-Blutarsky
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2019
🚨︎ report
If you push me off the 2nd floor, I'll probably live, but if you push me off of the 5th floor...

That's a different story.

πŸ‘︎ 483
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PyrosEnjoyPieHW2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2017
🚨︎ report
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationary
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mapguy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the Soviets push the Nazis back immediatly?

Because they were Stalin them.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rodinii
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
what is green and turns red at a push of a button?

a frog in a microwave

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ultimu_samaritean
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
🚨︎ report
No matter how far you push the envelope..

.. it always remains stationary

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/luckydragon88
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I saw Mark Hamill trying to get in a store by pulling a door marked Push.

He had a confused Luke on his face.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Push-ups should be renamed to "kneel arm-strong"
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m gonna start doing push-ups, I’m tired of this world pushing me around
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tru-Queer
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
As my wife was giving birth, all the doctors and nurses started yelling, β€œPush! Push!”

I was convinced it was a Pull door.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the mexican push his wife off a cliff?

tequila

πŸ‘︎ 83
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/unclemurv
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
No matter how much you push the envelope...

It'll always be stationery

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the Mexican push his Wife off a cliff?

Tequila!

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hiresh23
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
🚨︎ report
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/redwitch-fr
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iknowthisischeesy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff

Tequila

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Poely002
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
No matter how much you push the Envelope

It'll still be stationary

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PeevesPoltergist
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2019
🚨︎ report

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