I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker
But when I got home all the signs were there
Yet another job lost to machines
My brother had to quit his job as a weightlifter because he wasn't strong enough.
He handed in his too weak notice yesterday.
I just quit my job at the helium factory.
I won’t be spoken to in that tone.
Picking vegetables isn’t a bad job
It comes with a good celery
I've landed my dream job at the guillotine factory...
Will beheading there tomorrow.
I got a part time job kissing both women and men
It's not much but it's getting me bi
I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big enough or strong enough.
I've just handed in my too weak notice.
I got a job cleaning the building where the horses are kept.
It's not much but it's stable work.
I got fired from my job at the bank after just one day
A woman asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over.
I just got fired from my job as a taxy driver.
Turns out people don't like it when you go the extra mile for them.
I always wanted a job cleaning mirrors...
Its just something I can see myself doing.
I quit my job as a postman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.
I looked at it and thought, “This isn’t for me.”
The weirdest summer job I had was cleaning monkey cages at our local zoo.
Why did the Hitman love his job?
Because he made a Killing
I once had a 2nd shift job, 3pm-11pm.
They even had a shift differential!
After my first couple weeks I received a case of hotdogs along with my paycheck. I thought nothing of it, but then it happened again next payday, and honestly the paycheck felt a little short.
I approached my boss and asked him what the deal was.
He said "your paycheck? Yeah that's just your day rates."
"And the hot dogs?" I asked
My new job at the nuclear reactor requires me to take anger management classes.
They're to prevent meltdowns.
I quit my job at the concrete plant.
My job was getting harder & harder.
Peter Parker lost his photographer job at the Daily Bugle
Now he works in web development.
Why did someone lose their job at the Pixar cinema?
What do you call someone with great hair who can't hold down a job?
[Just thought of that one as I was looking in the mirror.]
I got fired from my job as a calendar manufacturer...
All I did was take a day off...
My wife often uses the promise of raunchy sex to get little jobs done around the house.
I recently got a job as an elevator operator
It has its ups and downs.
What kind of cheese never does a job to the best of their ability?
In what case do bullets finally do their job?
When they’re fired.
Open a company for boob jobs and name it Entity.
Making mirrors is a job i could see myself doing
Did you hear about the lawyer who learned on the job?
He gained all his knowledge through trials and error.
What four elements are you not allowed to bring to your job?
Nitrogen, sulfur, Fluorine, and tungsten, cause they are NSFW.
Told my wife I was quitting my job today to become an electrician
I just got a new job as a guillotine operator....
My friend got a job in Seoul
Yeah, he's very Korea Oriented.
He was sentenced to drinking spruce tea or leaving for 6 months because he was teaching the youth how to be passive-aggressive. His disciple Playdoh wrote half a screenplay about him before giving up and finding a real job.
I got fired from my job at Dairy Queen
Because I refused to work on sundaes
“I love my job!” exclaimed the farmer. “All you do is boss me around all day!” complained one of his sheep. “What did you say?” challenged the farmer. The sheep glared back and growled...
I finally got a job at the guillotine factory.
I'll beheaded there soon.
I lost my job at the salvation army soup kitchen last night.
All I said was hurry up some of us have homes to go to...
Why did the can crusher quit his job?
Because it was soda-pressing.
Just got a job offer at a thyme factory
The guy who takes pictures for Street View has a cool job.
He goes for Google Drives.
Just clocked out of my job as an acupuncturist.
I’d say I did a jab well done.
I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing stuff from his highway maintenance job.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
I quit my job at the helium factory today.
I will not be spoken to in that tone of voice!
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance
There's one job I could see myself doing
i heard my dad was stealing from his roadworks job
i didnt believe it at first but when i got home all the signs were there