I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker
But when I got home all the signs were there
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Jan 08 2021
Yet another job lost to machines
π︎ 81
π
︎ Jan 24 2021
My brother had to quit his job as a weightlifter because he wasn't strong enough.
He handed in his too weak notice yesterday.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Nov 13 2020
I just quit my job at the helium factory.
I wonβt be spoken to in that tone.
π︎ 229
π
︎ Dec 26 2020
Picking vegetables isnβt a bad job
It comes with a good celery
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 20 2021
I've landed my dream job at the guillotine factory...
Will beheading there tomorrow.
π︎ 116
π
︎ Dec 31 2020
I got a part time job kissing both women and men
It's not much but it's getting me bi
π︎ 135
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big enough or strong enough.
I've just handed in my too weak notice.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Oct 22 2020
I got a job cleaning the building where the horses are kept.
It's not much but it's stable work.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jan 26 2021
I got fired from my job at the bank after just one day
A woman asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jan 15 2021
I just got fired from my job as a taxy driver.
Turns out people don't like it when you go the extra mile for them.
π︎ 55
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
I always wanted a job cleaning mirrors...
Its just something I can see myself doing.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jan 12 2021
I quit my job as a postman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.
I looked at it and thought, βThis isnβt for me.β
π︎ 28
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
The weirdest summer job I had was cleaning monkey cages at our local zoo.
π︎ 26
π
︎ Jan 26 2021
Why did the Hitman love his job?
Because he made a Killing
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jan 22 2021
I once had a 2nd shift job, 3pm-11pm.
They even had a shift differential!
After my first couple weeks I received a case of hotdogs along with my paycheck. I thought nothing of it, but then it happened again next payday, and honestly the paycheck felt a little short.
I approached my boss and asked him what the deal was.
He said "your paycheck? Yeah that's just your day rates."
"And the hot dogs?" I asked
"Nitrates"
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 27 2021
My new job at the nuclear reactor requires me to take anger management classes.
They're to prevent meltdowns.
π︎ 238
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
I quit my job at the concrete plant.
My job was getting harder & harder.
π︎ 229
π
︎ Nov 26 2020
Peter Parker lost his photographer job at the Daily Bugle
Now he works in web development.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 27 2021
Why did someone lose their job at the Pixar cinema?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 29 2020
What do you call someone with great hair who can't hold down a job?
A hair-do-well...
[Just thought of that one as I was looking in the mirror.]
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jan 19 2021
I got fired from my job as a calendar manufacturer...
All I did was take a day off...
π︎ 22
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
My wife often uses the promise of raunchy sex to get little jobs done around the house.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jan 17 2021
I recently got a job as an elevator operator
It has its ups and downs.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
What kind of cheese never does a job to the best of their ability?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 06 2021
In what case do bullets finally do their job?
When theyβre fired.
finger guns
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jan 18 2021
Open a company for boob jobs and name it Entity.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 29 2020
Making mirrors is a job i could see myself doing
π︎ 21
π
︎ Dec 20 2020
Did you hear about the lawyer who learned on the job?
He gained all his knowledge through trials and error.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 18 2021
What four elements are you not allowed to bring to your job?
Nitrogen, sulfur, Fluorine, and tungsten, cause they are NSFW.
π︎ 134
π
︎ Nov 19 2020
Told my wife I was quitting my job today to become an electrician
π︎ 66
π
︎ Nov 16 2020
I just got a new job as a guillotine operator....
π︎ 141
π
︎ Nov 13 2020
My friend got a job in Seoul
Yeah, he's very Korea Oriented.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jan 17 2021
He was sentenced to drinking spruce tea or leaving for 6 months because he was teaching the youth how to be passive-aggressive. His disciple Playdoh wrote half a screenplay about him before giving up and finding a real job.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 28 2020
I got fired from my job at Dairy Queen
Because I refused to work on sundaes
π︎ 54
π
︎ Dec 04 2020
βI love my job!β exclaimed the farmer. βAll you do is boss me around all day!β complained one of his sheep. βWhat did you say?β challenged the farmer. The sheep glared back and growled...
π︎ 784
π
︎ Oct 25 2020
I finally got a job at the guillotine factory.
I'll beheaded there soon.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Dec 30 2020
I lost my job at the salvation army soup kitchen last night.
All I said was hurry up some of us have homes to go to...
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
Why did the can crusher quit his job?
Because it was soda-pressing.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Jul 25 2020
Just got a job offer at a thyme factory
π︎ 13
π
︎ Dec 09 2020
The guy who takes pictures for Street View has a cool job.
He goes for Google Drives.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
Just clocked out of my job as an acupuncturist.
Iβd say I did a jab well done.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 05 2021
I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing stuff from his highway maintenance job.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
π︎ 61
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
I quit my job at the helium factory today.
I will not be spoken to in that tone of voice!
π︎ 44
π
︎ Jan 12 2021
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 24 2021
I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance
π︎ 56
π
︎ Jan 09 2021
There's one job I could see myself doing
π︎ 47
π
︎ Dec 19 2020
i heard my dad was stealing from his roadworks job
i didnt believe it at first but when i got home all the signs were there
π︎ 9
π
︎ Dec 14 2020
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