Job Title Puns

Chief of Hoperations? Director of fuzz? Give me your best, most official sounding titles.

I just feel like they need a more accurate job title, like Sub Humans.

It never made it past the pilot.

So I asked, "Have you not been promoted to gold architect just yet, then?"

Something I can really see myself doing...

He pined fir her fir months.

Knock on wood, they will someday get back together.

(Sorry, this joke wasn’t great... just oak-kay.)

Me: "I scared the crap out of her!"

3 year old gives me a blank stare.

Me: "Sorry, that joke stinks."

3 year old goes back to watching her show.

The other day we were watching a baseball game he got called in to work. He stood up and said "well, I've got to go. Some people are just dying to see me."

My wife and I are signing our loan docs today with the title company.

Wife: "I don't get why you sign your name so fast but write the date so slow."

Me: "I guess ever since we got married I don't date as often as I used to."

Title Lady: "Booooooo."

She later acknowledged that she hadn't heard that one in 21 years of doing her job. I've never been so proud and ashamed at the same time.

So as the title said, I started training today for my new job and we had a huge meeting with all of the heads of the business and one of the heads gave everyone rocks that symbolized something or other.

I look at the rock, then at my two coworkers and say "Hey guys, do you wanna get stoned?" They groaned, as was expected, so I continued with, "Come on guys, don't be so rough on me. Making these puns was pretty hard."

My boss comes up and says "I think your puns rock".

I work at a large retail bookstore, and my job is basically just to wander around and help people find what they're looking for. Yesterday I spotted an older gentleman looking lost, so I asked him if he needed help finding anything.

"Yeah, the new Dr. Seuss one, whatever it is."

So I led him to the kid's section where we have a whole display for What Pet Should I Get.

"This one's been really popular, as you can guess," I said as I grabbed one off the display for him. As I did so, a few of the books behind it toppled off the display and onto the ground.

"Yeah," he said, "I can see they're just flying off the shelves."

I laughed for a few minutes and he left with his book and the look of satisfaction that only comes from a top-tier dad joke.

Edit: Oops. Put 'today' in the title but it rly happened yesterday. Sorry! :x