I didn't want to believe my dad was stealing from his job as a road worker
But when I got home all the signs were there
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Jan 08 2021
Yet another job lost to machines
π︎ 82
π
︎ Jan 24 2021
My brother had to quit his job as a weightlifter because he wasn't strong enough.
He handed in his too weak notice yesterday.
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Nov 13 2020
Why is picking vegetables a good job?
It comes with a great celery
π︎ 13
π
︎ Feb 13 2021
Just accepted new job at a bicycle factory
Gonna be their spokes person
π︎ 26
π
︎ Jan 29 2021
Why do chickens always get fired from jobs?
They always cluck out too early
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 17 2021
In my job interview I was asked what some of my good qualities were...
Well my doctor always calls me patient.
π︎ 92
π
︎ Feb 15 2021
I just quit my job at the helium factory.
I wonβt be spoken to in that tone.
π︎ 226
π
︎ Dec 26 2020
My friend got a role as an extra in a film. His job was to approach the lead actor and comb her hair away from the middle of her head...
π︎ 22
π
︎ Feb 14 2021
I've landed my dream job at the guillotine factory...
Will beheading there tomorrow.
π︎ 110
π
︎ Dec 31 2020
Why did the bullet end up losing his job?
π︎ 42
π
︎ Feb 01 2021
Why did the tire get fired from its job?
It couldnβt stand the pressure
π︎ 14
π
︎ Feb 12 2021
π︎ 2
π
︎ Feb 12 2021
I've decided to quit my job as a personal trainer because I'm not big enough or strong enough.
I've just handed in my too weak notice.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Oct 22 2020
Why are cops allowed to sleep on the job?
Because they have the right to a rest!
π︎ 20
π
︎ Feb 16 2021
I got a part time job kissing both women and men
It's not much but it's getting me bi
π︎ 137
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
Just got out of a great interview with an amazing new job...
They told me they were looking for someone responsible! I told them this was perfect, whenever something went wrong at my old job they always said I was responsible.
π︎ 45
π
︎ Jan 29 2021
Why was the cow fired from his job at the methane plant?
The boss was tired of his gaslighting bullshit
π︎ 9
π
︎ Feb 09 2021
I'm trying to thing of a dad. joke about getting my first job
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 12 2021
I got fired from my job at the bank after just one day
A woman asked me to check her balance so I pushed her over.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jan 15 2021
I'm posting this from my job as a scrap lumber inspector at a hardware store.
I'm feeling a little board.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Feb 17 2021
I got a job cleaning the building where the horses are kept.
It's not much but it's stable work.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jan 26 2021
A guyβs Mom comes to visit him at his job at the aquarium where she finds him feeding a baby dolphin. She says look at you, you were smart. You could have had a real job, really done some good for the world. Her son snapped back,...
Hey, my job serves a youthful porpoise!
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 13 2021
Friend: βHowβs your job at the travel agency?β
Me: βTerrible. Iβm not going anywhereβ
π︎ 7
π
︎ Feb 11 2021
I just got fired from my job as a taxy driver.
Turns out people don't like it when you go the extra mile for them.
π︎ 51
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
A mailman starts his first day on the job in Amsterdam.
He has to get to the other side of the canal but can't seem to find a bridge. On the other side he sees someone walking his dog. How do I get to the opposite side? He shouts. You already are the man responds.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Feb 07 2021
I made a robot that does my job for me
π︎ 17
π
︎ Feb 04 2021
Why did the pair of glasses get a job as a math tutor?
Because they help with division.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 12 2021
I always wanted a job cleaning mirrors...
Its just something I can see myself doing.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Jan 12 2021
[OC] What do you call a job that your butt does?
A duty. (My 6-yr-old made up this joke today)
π︎ 24
π
︎ Feb 01 2021
Why did the coffee loose its job?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 11 2021
My new job at the nuclear reactor requires me to take anger management classes.
They're to prevent meltdowns.
π︎ 240
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
I quit my job at the concrete plant.
My job was getting harder & harder.
π︎ 227
π
︎ Nov 26 2020
I quit my job as a postman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.
I looked at it and thought, βThis isnβt for me.β
π︎ 33
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
Why did the Hitman love his job?
Because he made a Killing
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jan 22 2021
I once had a 2nd shift job, 3pm-11pm.
They even had a shift differential!
After my first couple weeks I received a case of hotdogs along with my paycheck. I thought nothing of it, but then it happened again next payday, and honestly the paycheck felt a little short.
I approached my boss and asked him what the deal was.
He said "your paycheck? Yeah that's just your day rates."
"And the hot dogs?" I asked
"Nitrates"
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 27 2021
The weirdest summer job I had was cleaning monkey cages at our local zoo.
π︎ 27
π
︎ Jan 26 2021
A man walks in to his job interview
The interviewer waits for the man to sit down before putting the papers in his hand flat on the table between them. "I have here the CV you submitted when you applied for this job. Unfortunately there's a 4 year gap on your CV, can you explain that please?"
The man shuffles uncomfortably in his seat and says "those are the years I went to Yale..."
The interviewer, not expecting this, was taken by surprise and said: "wow that's very impressive! You're hired!"
The man, surprised himself, replies: thanks! I really need this yob!"
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 30 2021
Peter Parker lost his photographer job at the Daily Bugle
Now he works in web development.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 27 2021
Why did someone lose their job at the Pixar cinema?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Dec 29 2020
I recently got a job as an elevator operator
It has its ups and downs.
π︎ 24
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
I got fired from my job as a calendar manufacturer...
All I did was take a day off...
π︎ 23
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
What do you call someone with great hair who can't hold down a job?
A hair-do-well...
[Just thought of that one as I was looking in the mirror.]
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jan 19 2021
What four elements are you not allowed to bring to your job?
Nitrogen, sulfur, Fluorine, and tungsten, cause they are NSFW.
π︎ 132
π
︎ Nov 19 2020
I just got a new job as a guillotine operator....
π︎ 138
π
︎ Nov 13 2020
Told my wife I was quitting my job today to become an electrician
π︎ 64
π
︎ Nov 16 2020
I didn't want to believe that my dad was stealing stuff from his highway maintenance job.
But when I got home, all the signs were there.
π︎ 63
π
︎ Jan 16 2021
I quit my job at the helium factory today.
I will not be spoken to in that tone of voice!
π︎ 50
π
︎ Jan 12 2021
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 24 2021
I lost my job at the bank on my first day. A woman asked me to check her balance
π︎ 55
π
︎ Jan 09 2021
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