teacher puns are the best puns.
Biology teacher pun
Teacher: How does Juliet maintain constant body temperature?
Biology teacher pun part 2
Teacher: What did one daughter cell say to the other daughter cell when she stepped on her toe?
Teacher: That's my toe sis! (Mitosis)
Every day, my teacher starts her class by reading a joke from r/dadjokes, but today she is absent.
I'm a teacher and every day I write a Dad Joke from this sub on the board. Today a student said this to me... I was about to go off... before I got the Dad Joke.
Student: "Sir, someone nutted on the floor!"
Me: *Begins to get angry* *Turns around... there's a hex nut on the floor*
Me: "Well played."
Once my school had multiple teachers absent and they sent the substitutes to the wrong class AMA
Student: Can I go to the bathroom? Teacher: It’s may.
Student: No, it’s January
I'm a teacher and I like to do superhero impressions before class to put students in a good mood.
The other day I told them I was going to do an imitation of Batman, so I started off with:
"Argh… kryptonite, getting weaker…"
"THAT'S SUPERMAN!" a student in the back row yelled
"Thanks man, I've been practicing a lot", I replied.
The teacher kicks me out of our class
Why did the teacher wear sunglasses?
Because her students were so bright
What do you call the kid in class that always demands the teacher give the exam results ASAP?
Chalk boards are no longer being used in schools, so when the last school finally took them down to install smart boards, the teachers gathered all the writing utensils from them and had a large bon fire just outside the school. It smelled so good.
A math teacher asked his class...
"If you have ten dollars and ask your dad for ten dollars, how many dollars do you have?"
A student replied, "10 dollars"
The teacher responds, "You don't know your maths, kiddo"
To which the student replies, "Well you don't know my dad"
For a Chemistry teacher, what is the golden rule that his class must follow?
That they maintain decAurum
You know you’ve made a terrible joke when you make the math teacher completely lose it.
Teacher: “If acceleration is constant, we get all these really nice formulas. If acceleration is not constant, the math gets messy.”
Me: “You might say that for ruining the math, it’s being a jerk.”
Teacher asked “What is the formula of water?” Student said “H I J K L M N O” teacher said “that’s not the formula of water”
Student said “you said the formula was H to O”.
Did you hear about the teacher who ran a landscaping business during breaks?
I had a very good math teacher. He was an integral part of my life. It doesn’t add up that I can’t remember who he was.
He is a real Mister Riemann.
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
My music teacher said:
You are lacking musiquality
Teacher: why are you smiling? My brain:
Hey son, today I told your science teacher a joke about salt, and she said...
If painters paint, and teachers teach...
The chemistry teacher broke her leg.
Turned out it was a compound fracture.
At our PTA meeting, my son's teacher said he's the best she's ever seen at using Elmer's...
Every day, my teacher reads a joke from Reddit to start the class, but today she is absent.
I hated my job as an origami teacher
My english teacher told us to write about the history of our life. However, I hate writing, so I used AI to write it for me.
I guess you can say it's an auto-biography.
Our art teacher wanted us to come closer to sketch an aspect of distance or time...
My sarcastic teacher handed back my final exam..
I was told I was intelligen’t
The chemistry teacher is always pushing my buttons in class!
I think she’s just looking for a reaction.
How many times did the Spanish teacher have to tell her class how to say eleven?
I think I have worked out why students dislike math teachers
They just keep giving you problems.
My math teacher called me average
Why was the school teacher busted?
He was trying to do some meth
The teacher is too salty
Teacher: What is below 7 in the pH scale?
Teacher: Good. What is above 7?
Student: I don't know.
Teacher: Clearly you don't know the basic!
I used to know a teacher who could never hold a fart in.
He was a terrible private tooter.
I asked my teacher if she could sign me up for a puppetry class, even though it was full.
She said she’ll be able to pull some strings.
Why did the guitar teacher get arrested?
Because he fingered A Minor
My friend with the lazy eye just lost his job as a teacher.
He had a real hard time controlling his pupils.
A young boy was walking to school when he saw a dead dog in the road. When he got to school he told his teacher what he saw. “How do you know if the dog was dead?” She asked the boy. “I know because I pissed in his ear.” The teacher looked horrified. “What do you mean you pissed in his ear??”
‘I went up to him and went “Pssstt!” in his ear and he didn’t move.’
I was the top student in my class until my teacher gave me very low marks.
Why can’t a physics teacher and a biology teacher date?
Because they have no chemistry
I went to a Halloween party with my geometry teacher
Her costume was really squarey
I got mad when my teacher told me I was an average student.
It was just a mean thing to say.
My teacher told me to begin studying things with a pH higher than 7.
She always tells me to start with the basic stuff.
Why can't you trust a math teacher holding a graph paper?
She's definitely plotting something.
What did the math teacher say after they were magically transformed into a tree?
Gee, I’m a tree.
(It sounds like geometry if you say it out loud).
What did the science teacher say when someone threw water at him?
What’s a substitute teacher’s favorite restaurant?
I wanted to marry my English teacher when she got out of jail
But apparently you're not allowed to end a sentence with a proposition.
Son: "Dad I know you're an English teacher, but can I ask you the date in Roman Numerals?"
Dad: "I think you mean May I"
My math teacher walked into the classroom, wrote a tiny number "7" on the board, then walked back out again.
I thought, that's a little odd.
Teacher: Give me a sentence using the words defense, defeat and detail.
Student: When a horse jumps over defense, defeat goes before detail.
What do you do when your female teacher says your name wrong?
Brought to you from my math teacher.
I've decided to become a math teacher, but I'm only going to teach subtraction.
I just want to make a difference.
Why couldn’t Beethoven find his teacher?
The chemistry teacher rejoined the FBI after several years of teaching.
How did the English teacher kill her self - cliff hanger!
My music teacher gave me the best compliment ever
So i (16M) like jokes. I told one to my (awesome dad joke enthusiast) music teacher that went something like.
him picking up a guitarr
Me: why are you so sträng?
Sträng means guitarr string and also strict as in a strict teacher in Swedish.
He laughed a bit and said: "you are gonna make a great dad"
Thank you Pär, love ya buddy!
Teacher: “Johnny, can you spell weather?” Johnny: “W...E...V...V...A” ...
Teacher: “Well that is the worst spell of weather we’ve had in a while!”
I didn't think my son was stealing from his geometry teacher until I saw his room...
All the sines were there.
All teachers should know the I before E except after C rule.
Unless they teach science.
I was having trouble playing a song on guitar and my teacher said "practice to a tick"
It didn't work at all and now I have Lyme disease
What happens when the teacher forgets the magnets for science lab?
We were learning about politics and discrimination in class. Our teacher told us to grab colored pencils.
He then corrected himself. What he meant to say, was pencils of color.
My maths teacher started throwing wordplay in calculus problems, I guess it is
A problem of Ex-pun-ential order
Today my maths teacher showed us a bomb
then he blew the lesson way out of proportion
I remember when I once had a friends named Eni. We were best friends until one day, she gossiped about me and stopped hanging out with me. The following day, a teacher asked me if a had any friends,
I responded with “No, not Eni.”
My English grammar teacher was having some marriage problems and it was really getting to him, so the whole class joined in to buy him a gift
After we bought him a simple present, he was past tense
My teacher asked the class to get onto our computers.
Mine couldn't support my weight, and broke.
My son's math teacher called him average
Did you hear about the English teacher who went to jail?
My PE teacher told me I was so bad at golf that I should go to golf jail
It would be a shame if they putt me in there.
What did the student say to the geography teacher
You don't need style to be a teacher,
but class is a necessity.
Are you the replacement teacher for my class today?
A maths teacher decided to form a band, what he’s gonna call it?
I finally figured out why dads make great science teachers.
They are really in their element.
My teacher told me I would never be any good at Poetry because of my dyslexia....
But so far I've made 3 vases and a jug.
The teacher asked the student about the progress on the Microsoft Office course.
The student responded: 'thank you for asking, i'm doing excellent.'
Growing up I went to an all-Muslim school. The teacher asked me to make sure that my classmates weren't sneaking bacon at lunch.
I got a badge and a sash that read, "Halal Monitor"
What do you call a teacher that farts in the closet?
My teacher told me the meaning of plethora today
I thanked her and told her it means a lot
I once walked in on my teachers having sex
Being homeschooled was never easy for me
Why did the teacher explode when he was corrected by one of his students?
Because he was undermined
The teacher asked if anyone knew the square root of negative one...
In high school I had a cross eyed teacher
He wasn’t very good though, he couldn’t control his pupils
My 4th grade teacher was a bubble gum Nazi
My chemistry teacher covered me head to toe in sodium chloride after I flunked my test...
I've never been more ensalted in my life
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher?
He couldn't control his pupils.