My history professor's pun (xpost from r/funny)
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2017
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My anatomy class is currently covering the skeletal system and my professor is being unreasonable with the amount of material we need to know so I made an office hour appointment to speak with him.

You can bet your ass I have a bone to pick with him.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27
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My calculus professor was 16 minutes late for the first class, 8 minutes late for the second, and 4 minutes late for the third.

At this rate, he will never be there on time.

πŸ‘︎ 135
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20
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Professor dint have this planned

Me: I am planning to start a cider business She: any alternative plans if it doesn't work out? Me: I haven't decidered yet!

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WetSoggyTaco
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06
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I still remember the moment when my math professor told us what the square root of -1 was.

It was unreal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25
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I just got off the phone with a professor in China. He says it's not worth getting Covid-19

As they are expecting to release Covid-20 Pro in September.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PIGG-E
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23
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The professor had used the entire blackboard for the lecture

The blackboard is now chalk-full of information

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gssn-nospace
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27
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To make extra money, my professor forces all the students to buy his book at the beginning of the term.

It’s textbook Economics.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13
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After the events of Avengers: Endgame, Professor Hulk opened a custom woodworking business

It was called Bruce Banisters

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AllanCD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18
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Chemistry professor: It is impossible to be both acidic and basic at the same time.

White girl in the back: Hold my pumpkin spice latte.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elasticpython
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26
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"I'm so sorry, my dog ate my homework." Rolling his eyes, my computer science professor shot back, "Really?! Your dog ate your coding assignment?"

"Well, to be perfectly honest, it did take him a couple bytes."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
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A man asks a professor, "Do you think Einstein's theory was good?"

The professor replies. "Relatively."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Comforted-2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18
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My professor makes all the students buy his book at the beginning of the term to make some profit.

It’s textbook Economics.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 15
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My math professor was late 16 minutes for the first class, 8 minutes late for the second, and 4 minutes late for the third.

At this rate, he’ll never be in class on time.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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Did your hear about the professors that went to an island resort to discuss research paper titles?

It was a topical vacation

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alecksface
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
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My professor puts jokes on the board before class
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timesuck47
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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what was the Nutty Professor's job?

He worked in macademia!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03
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Why do so many people take Professor Fonzarelli’s class?

Easy ayyy.

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jayrandomer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
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I said to my computer science professor that my dog ate my homework.

When he doubted me, I said, "Well, it took him a couple of bytes."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JDogg323
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28
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At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, β€œWhat exactly happened before The Big Bang?”

He said, β€œSorry. No time.”

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
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Did you hear about the professor afraid of negative numbers?

He stops at nothing to avoid them

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amphibatron
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
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I was in class today and the professor's last name was Sullivan. After class I went to ask him...

"So do you want us to call you Prof S, or...?"

He replied, "Yes, but don't say it like a robot..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dolphinflavored
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
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Which professor was good enough to win the Nobel Prize in Chemistry in 2019?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/isaacides
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
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Why was the professor blue?

He was a cyan-tist

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RetroGama
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
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My statistics professor told us that the larger the sample size, the more reliable are your averages.

The N’s justify the means.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2018
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A college professor asks all of his students to brainstorm and yell out different kinds of stereotypes.

"All blonde girls are dumb!" yells a boy in the back.

"Sony!" yells the blonde girl in the front.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hughdman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
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What did the professor say when his students wanted to hunt male deer before the first day of class?

"Don't get the hart before the course!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChargingTiger
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
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My psychology professor gave me a pop quiz and asked me if I knew who Pavlov was

I told him it didn’t ring a bell

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CRP_sarm
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
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To make extra money, my university professor makes all his students buy his book at the beginning of the term.

It’s textbook Economics.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2019
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Matthew McConaughey is a professor now!! When he gives his students research assignments he instructs them to . . .

All Write! All Write! All Write!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
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Did you hear about the English professor who went to jail?

She got a full sentence.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/J_Mac_Attack
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
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My quantum physics professor was really particular about how we wrote the symbols for our wave functions.

She was a total Psi's queen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
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My statics professor isn’t kind

She told me everything I’ll ever do in her class will amount to nothing

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Its-Draco
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
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I just dad joked my accounting professor and made her cry from laughing.

Someone asked about extra credit.

Professor: "I'm sorry I don't give extra credit in this class"

Me: "yeah but do you give extra debit?"

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAugustusCaesar
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2017
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My professor's sense of humor.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pocketeis
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
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I am currently dating a math professor. Her name is Ellen.

She is the complete inverse of my e^(x).

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2018
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Every day, my professor starts her class by reading to us the important news of the day. Today she didn’t show up.

So a subreddit.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
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What did professor oak say before he got into a fight

DONT PROF. OAK ME

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πŸ‘€︎ u/why_you_bully_me1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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My professor gave us a Presentation on Sedatives

I couldn't understand anything with all the slurred speech

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sprite3G
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
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My university professor forces the students to buy his book at the beginning of the semester.

It’s textbook economics.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
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Did you hear about the German Professor who created Fahrenheit?

I heard that in college he had a couple of degrees.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/leonodin
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
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What did the tiger say after he ate the professor?

"Mmmmmm... nutty."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/big_macaroons
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
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A recent study shows that students of pot smoking professors live longer than average.

Their pupils die late.

πŸ‘︎ 186
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2018
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A Marine Biology student was compiling a list of all the sea creatures they could find on Wikipedia. The next day they handed it in to their Professor, who took one look at it and said..

Lacks Cetacean..

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Irorii
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
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If the X-Men turned against Professor X it would be a Mutanty
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πŸ‘€︎ u/McKynnen
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
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My Calculus Professor is having a tough time adjusting to retired life.

He can’t seem to deal with the aftermath.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2018
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I asked my professor if he was feeling any better he says he had VD yesterday ...

You know vomiting and diarrhea

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HeatherLeeAnn
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
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TIFU by sleeping with my chemistry professor without protection.

Good thing she’s Boron so I couldn’t get her pregnant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tribalDemon
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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At the end of the class, I asked my physics professor, β€œWould you tell me what happened before The Big Bang?”

He said, β€œSorry I can’t. There’s no Time.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2018
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When your professor is a Star Wars fan.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/annihilistvoid
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
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My favourite Geology Professor died today.

My sediments are with his family.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2018
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My professor (who is, indeed, a dad) told me this this QUALITY joke.

A man in Australia took a train to the town of Mercy, where he heard there was a coffee shop that served drinks named after Australian animals. When he arrived, he decided to try the Koala Tea. He received his order quickly, which turned out to basically be a cup of hot water filled with whole eucalyptus leaves.

The man asked the barista, "Excuse me, there seems to be a lot of loose leaves in my tea."

The barista replied, "Yes, sir, the Koala Tea of Mercy is not strained."

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/exceedinglyhappy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
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My English Professor got weirdly angry at the formatting of my essay.

It wasn’t justified.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
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Professor just dad-joked the class on the first day

So, our professor was calling out names for attendance:

Professor: "Holly Brown?"

Holly: "Here."

Professor: "Xu Shuo?"

silence

Professor: "I guess we can all say that he's a no-Shuo...."

Facepalms and groans scattered across the room.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chunkymonkeyman
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2015
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Which career does a nutty professor choose?

Macadamia!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aitchnyu
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
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How do ethics professors greet each other?

What's good?

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/puncakes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
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My Math Professor takes days off from work by faking minor injuries.

I shouldn’t have taken a class with Dr. Fibin Ouchie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2018
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First day of class, professor joke

First day of the new semester. I'm at my first class, Experimental Statistics. The professor is going over the syllabus and everything then stops for us to do an "exercise."

He tells us to turn to the person next to us and ask them to marry us.

(If you must know, the guy on side me said no. Apparently it was something I said.)

We start to quiet down and wait for the explanation of why 1000 students just asked each other to marriage.

The professor said that it was important for his students to be engaged during class.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigguy1027
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2015
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What did the calculus professor name his newborn son?

Mathew

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirJackDaniels
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2018
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Professor: Why are we here?

Me:Isn’t this intro to philosophy?

Professor: Yes, and I think you’ll fail.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
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I just got dadjoked by my professor

We were talking about Amazon and Google, and how they don't just "have computers" and I mentioned that "I always thought datacenters looked cool"

He said, "Well yes. They have air conditioners. Without air conditioners, data centers are not very cool"

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kn33
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2015
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A chemistry student turns to his professor and excitedly exclaims "Sir this mountain has exactly 6.022x10^23 atoms in it!"

The professor sighs replying "no need to make mountains out of mol hills"

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/5ision
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2018
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Why is the professor on fire?

He has a lot of degrees

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pesqueira
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2018
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My econ professor just hit us with a dad joke

Kid in the class: β€œoh you lived in Japan, do you know Kung fu?”

Professor: β€œno. I didn’t know Kung fu, but I knew his brother Harry”

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SedatedAlpaca
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2018
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My professor just dedicated an entire 2-hour class to make ONE dadjoke.

Today was the first day of his class, Special Topics in Poetry. We walk in and there is a guest with some ceramic art. We thought we were gonna write poems about it or some shit, but then the professor says, "Welcome to special topics in pottery."

The whole class is like wat...?

Then the guest lady starts showing a powerpoint of some of her work and then we literally spent the whole class mushing clay and making bowls and shit.

To make things even dadder, he chuckled "poetry pottery heh heh heh" like we didn't get the joke and he had to explain it to us.

πŸ‘︎ 421
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ITasteLikePurple
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2016
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My science professor said that he’ll show us his transistor.

We had no idea that Caitlyn Jenner and he were siblings.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2018
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What did the constipated math professor do?

He worked it out with a pencil.

It was a number two pencil.

I’m not saying poop jokes are my favorite... but they’re a solid number two

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πŸ‘€︎ u/serilynsays
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2018
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I think my English professor wants me to skip most of his assigned essay.

Or maybe I’m just jumping to a conclusion.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2018
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A Japanese mathematician wanted her professor, Mr Zero, to acknowledge her.

Notice me sin(pi)

πŸ‘︎ 98
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_love_420
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2016
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Student: Sorry Professor, I’m not going to report my Mexican friend to the police.

Professor: All I want is that you turn in your essay.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
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Got rekt by my Political Science Professor

lecture about US political culture

Prof: You guys like magic

Class: Yeah!

Prof: Okay I need a volunteer

I raised my hand so he picked me

Prof: Okay pull out a dollar bill and point out the wings of the bald eagle

I do

Prof: Okay I want you to fold the bill 3 times long ways then hand it to me

i fold it then hand it to him

Prof: You can still see the wings right? okay I am now going to fold it sideways into 3rds then I want you to hold out 3 fingers with your palm up

he places the folded bill onto my fingers with the center third flat on my hand

Prof: now say wing 3 times

Me: Wing wing wing

prof picks up the bill and holds it up to his ear

Prof: Hello?? This is Professor Frank, who is this?

The whole class couldn't stop laughing for like 10 minutes xD

πŸ‘︎ 881
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SN1P3RJOE
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2015
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Calculus professor asked why he should curve the grades to our test.

I said, "It's a calc class, I guess you could say curves are integral to our class."

Groans filled the room. I laughed hysterically.

πŸ‘︎ 226
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πŸ‘€︎ u/agb_123
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2017
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What’s the most accurate name for an Asian professor?

Te Ching

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpaceCA18DET
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2018
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My favorite college teacher, Professor Grey, had the most unforgettable final exams.

It was the Grey Test of all time.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2018
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My professor said I could mail in my essay.

But he would only give me parcel credit.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CecilBlight
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2018
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My anthro professor had a good one today...

So today in anthro we were discussing what methods are used in dating fossils and fossil sites. We started talking about using rock layers to date and he said "this reminds me of one of the colleagues I had. He was pretty young and when ever we had our get togethers he would bring this beautiful woman, different every time, that always turned out to be his cousin. Anyways this method is an example of relative dating."

There were a couple laughs and one audible groan.

πŸ‘︎ 424
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BombXIII
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2014
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i asked my ancient rome professor if he knew Harry Potter

He asked me which one

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/screamlllll
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2018
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Ash Ketchum only wanted Professor Oak to open the door and show his PokΓ©mon.

"C'mon, just let me take a little Pikachu!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Torley_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2018
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What do you call a male math professor who just went on vacation?

A tan gent.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i_iz_smrt
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2017
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What is Wrong with My Brain - Professor's Joke sycmu.com/2015/04/17/what…
πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JamesVirani
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2015
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When did the professors meet?

Tenures ago.

πŸ‘︎ 242
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mushnikJmushnik
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2015
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My Professor is a professional Dad

So this joke needs a little context: I go to school at USC in South LA.

We were turning in our homework assignments and people kept turning them in with the edges folded instead of stapled. My professor looks at us and says "If you guys need staples, there is a staples center about a mile from here." We just stared back at him and then slowly all started to laugh.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kreegrr
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2016
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Neuroanatomy professor dad jokes the class

He was lecturing on the cranial nerves, which do pretty much everything for the head. They control all 5 senses and motor output as well as some other non relevant stuff.

Professor: So class does everyone remember what the senses are?

Class: touch/pain, sight, hearing/equilibrium, smell, taste.

Professor: Does anyone know what the sixth sense is?

Class: (thinking hes serious) Guess random shit like magnetoreception.

Professor: The sixth sense is the ability to see dead people.

Class: combination of groans and laughter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/braaaaiins
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2014
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I proposed a non-falsifyable hypothesis to my professor.

He called me an oxymoron.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThatROCGuy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2017
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Why didn't the professor like the litmus test?

It was too basic.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BreezyMcWeasel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2016
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Got my professor with a chemistry joke!

"NamelessNamek! What's the charge of a hydrogen without an electron."

"It has a plus one charge."

"Are you sure?"

"I'm positive."

He chuckled and nobody else did.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NamelessNamek
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2016
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What did the Roman prostitute say when her customer was a university professor?

Cum Laude

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PSUHiker31
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2018
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In lecture this morning my professor...

My professor was talking about Barbara McClintocks work on corn kernel genetics. He stops all the sudden and says "her work really is not all that a-mazeing." He then proceed to look around to see if we laughed, Which almost no one did, cleared his throat and went back to lecturing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ipittydafoo
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2013
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Professor Just Pulled This One

Blood pressure is very near and dear to my heart...

πŸ‘︎ 136
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shukhman
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2015
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My calculus professor was 16 minutes late to his first class, 8 minutes late to his second, and 4 minutes late to the third.

At this rate, he will never be in class on time.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2018
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When the physics lecture ended, I asked my professor, β€œWhat happened before The Big Bang?”

He said, β€œSorry. No time.”

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
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After the lecture was over, I asked my physics professor, β€œWhat happened before The Big Bang?”

He said, β€œSorry. No time.”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, β€œWhat happened before The Big Bang?”

He said, β€œSorry. No time.”

πŸ‘︎ 384
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
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At the end of the physics lecture, I asked my professor, β€œWhat happened before The Big Bang?”

He said, β€œSorry. No time.”

πŸ‘︎ 86
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
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