Prof Puns

I'm not lion and won't be a cheetah

When asked why he always wears a checkered shirt he replied "I like to wear grid patterns so I always look like I'm plotting something"

We were discussing the possibility of selling your organs for money.

Prof: "I for one support the selling of organs. But I draw the line at pianos."

Prof: There is still even a prohibition party. You know what prohibition was right?

Class: No alcohol.

Prof: Right. That doesn't sound like much of a party.

The lecture was on urban birds and he was telling us about how Mozart had a pet starling that he loved so much he had a funeral for it after it died.

Mozart even wrote a song for the starling immediately after it passed away.

You could even say that when his pet died Mozart began composing just as the bird began decomposing.

Back in my classical mechanics class, we always used p to denote momentum, and q to denote position. Halfway through a lecture full of brain farts where everyone was accidentally saying and writing "p" when we meant "q" and vice versa, our prof said, "You gotta keep your p's and q's straight! Physicists know what it really means to mind your p's and q's." <<chuckles to himself>>

Prof: rome and carthage break out into war primarily over sicily, it was a great foothold for them! (italy looks like a boot)

he laughed and looked to all of us to laugh and witnessed my cringe

EDIT: We plan to place it on the mug as a gift, so it should be relatively short

"So do you want us to call you Prof S, or...?"

He replied, "Yes, but don't say it like a robot..."

So we were talking about what separates humanity from the rest of the animal kingdom, and we got on the subject of mice. Prof had mentioned that a mouse will laugh if you tickle it's belly, but you can't tell it a good joke. My reply: "it might if it's really cheesy"

badum, tiss

DONT PROF. OAK ME

Because Prof. X made him a supervisor.

Sci Comp Professor: your dog ate your coding assignment?

Me:

Prof:

Me: It took him a couple of bytes.

(Saw this on r/puns)

lecture about US political culture

Prof: You guys like magic

Class: Yeah!

Prof: Okay I need a volunteer

I raised my hand so he picked me

Prof: Okay pull out a dollar bill and point out the wings of the bald eagle

I do

Prof: Okay I want you to fold the bill 3 times long ways then hand it to me

i fold it then hand it to him

Prof: You can still see the wings right? okay I am now going to fold it sideways into 3rds then I want you to hold out 3 fingers with your palm up

he places the folded bill onto my fingers with the center third flat on my hand

Prof: now say wing 3 times

Me: Wing wing wing

prof picks up the bill and holds it up to his ear

Prof: Hello?? This is Professor Frank, who is this?

The whole class couldn't stop laughing for like 10 minutes xD

Student: "Could you explain what anti-parallel means again?"

Prof: "Well, it's not uncley-parallel."

So we're talking about MS Access, and prof gets on the subject of how capital letters are treated differently than lower case letters

me: So it's capitalism?!

badum tiss

My cousin got this email from her prof.

Prof "When you step into a Trader Joe's how do you know it's not a Frys?" Stu: "the atmosphere" Prof: "and if they opened a trader Joe's on the moon they wouldn't have that atmosphere"

So today in my physiology lecture we were talking about muscles and we touched on connective tissue and our prof said something about "broad bands of connective tissue" and I turned to my friend next to me and go "If there's broad bands of connective tissue do you think there's Wi-Fi of connective tissue?". He just sighed and told me he was going to punch me before going back to writing his notes with a look of pure hatred on his face.

(I tried to contain my laughter to his reaction and ended up snorting really loudly like a minute later when I heard him snicker)

We were discussing Kant in our Systematic Theology class, not entirely sure why we got on him. Me: He was the one that said God was just good for morals, right? Prof: Yes, and we don't have to continue but I Kant see why we wouldn't.

We were doing a lab using diesel engines.

"Once the fuel rack has been opened, the amount of fuel injected should be sufficient to keep the engine running under its own steam. Or even diesel."

He and the other prof then just start giggling.

Prof - "Its good that ya'll got so excited for Halloween, but this row (indicates with hand) needs to take off the masks because its too scary for me to teach!"

No one was wearing a mask.

The prof is a grandpa so his dad jokes are squared.

We were talking about when women gained the right to vote in the U.S. in my Western Civilization class when my professor launched this zinger. Prof:"When was your grandmother born?" Student:"1917" Prof:"Why couldn't she vote when she was born?" Student:"Because women didn't have the right to vote yet." Prof:"No, because she was only one day old!"

I laughed, most of the class gave a nice groan.

When discussing a make-up class, he (Prof) says that it will be online on another day of the week than when we usually meet.

One of my classmates says, "I can't, I have class."

Professor responds, "That's nothing new, you always have class."

I was the only one to laugh. Thanks a lot, dad!

My professor had taught us about these doohickeys called multiplexers, which we sometimes also call "data selectors," in a previous lecture.

At the next lecture we had a review: he would draw a symbol and we would shout out what it represented, and he was hamming it up, acting like a game show host.

He drew a multiplexer on the board and asked the class, "what's this?" "A multiplexer!" some students called out. "Right! Now," says the prof, "what is another word for 'multiplexer'?" "A data selector!" someone answers correctly. But he looks like the student just blew the million-dollar question. "Hmm... 'a data selector'... no, I'm afraid not—that's three words!"

His two young kids have probably learned not to ask him about what he teaches.

Dad: What class are you writing that essay for?

Me: Classical Mythology

Dad: Well you should just put a classic picture on your paper and if your prof asks why just say a picture is worth 1000 words!

(He had definitely planned this one)

Prof: "What's a hydraulic ram used for?" "Its where you get steel wool!" Lecture students: groans/laughs

Prof: Does beer make you smarter?

Class: No

Prof: But it makes bud-weiser!

He's the best prof ever!