What does Dr Pepper have a doctorate in?

Fizz-ics

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EarthPhl
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2020
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Did you hear about the vampire with a doctorate

His name was Dr. Acula

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Paradigm_Shiftz
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
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Why does it take so long to get a doctorate?

well, says right there you ate a whole doctor. That's not a one day event.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sikkerhet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
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Did you hear about the guy who got his doctorate in neutral solutions?

He graduated with his Ph7.

πŸ‘︎ 144
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HardcoreHugs
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2017
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I'm so happy to see that Mr. Notes finally got his doctorate.

http://imgur.com/5xAOcMv

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πŸ‘€︎ u/merchillio
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2017
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Doctorates in Chemistry lead to higher correlation with dad jokes.

My 2 year old son implored my father in law to join him under the table while the rest of us finished our meal. My wife said, "wow, it isn't every day you see a chemistry PhD crawling around under the table."

To which he responded "chemists have been known to periodically go under the table".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/darkmeatchicken
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2014
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Doctor pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jordache_JD
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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her name is Carly and shes a doctor (pun idea)

man I should C A Rly good doctor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MetalTango
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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My doctor told me I'm going deaf.

The news was hard for me to hear.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
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Doctor to patient do you smoke?

Patient: yes.

Doctor: marijuana, cigarettes, cigars, Vapes?

Patient: mostly brisket, and pork.

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πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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What do you call a native Alaskan eye doctor??

An Optical Aleutian

I’ll see myself out...

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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My doctor wrote me a prescription for daily sex

But my wife insists it's for Dyslexia

πŸ‘︎ 315
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnny_Two_Timez
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
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My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.

So I have an uncle, once removed.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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Doctor you've got you help me, I'm addicted to twitter.

Doctor: I don't follow you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/red_snake0329
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20
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Why did doctors name them hemorrhoids?

Asteroid was taken.

πŸ‘︎ 240
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lawdogg
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
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A man walks into the doctor's office

"What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc.

"It's.. erm .. well ... I have five penises." replies the man.

"Ah ok. How do your trousers fit?" asks the doc.

"Like a glove."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Merlin-5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
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Wife took a picture of Doctor Hoo
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kingferret53
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
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As a doctor, I never make jokes about an unvaccinated baby.

But let me give it a shot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
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Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.

I took what he said with a grain of salt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/battebatmand
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
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My doctor just told me that i was color blind

that came completely out of the orange

πŸ‘︎ 175
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πŸ‘€︎ u/who_8_my_pasta_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
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"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself and shared it with us during Christmas dinner!

He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Honolulu...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
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A man woke up in the hospital after a serious accident, the man yelled "DOCTOR! DOCTOR, I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!"

The doctor then replied "i know, i amputated your arms."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CreepyPastaKing1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
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Man: "Doctor, Doctor. All my sons want to be valets when they grow up."

Doctor: "WOW, That's the worst case of Parking Son's disease I've ever seen."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
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A woman suddenly in labor shouts, shouldn’t! wouldn’t! couldn’t! didn’t! can’t! The doctor says "don't worry."

β€œThose are just contractions.”

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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A Man rushed into a Doctor's office shouting ' help me Doctor, I'm shrinking' The Doctor calmly said ' Now settle down a bit '..

.. you'll just have to learn to be a little patient.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
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My doctor told me to walk at least 2 miles a day

It's been a month and I have no idea where I am or how to get home

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
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I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places.

He told me to quit going to those places.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
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I went to University to study to be a doctor.

Unfortunately, I had to drop out. I just didn't have the patients.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EastlyGod1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
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A man went to the doctor’s and told him, β€œI feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”

He said, β€œWow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyclopropagative
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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When do you know if your doctor is a quack?

When you see his bill.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
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Did you hear about the fish who grew up to be a doctor?

He now is a sturgeon

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πŸ‘€︎ u/santino1987
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
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My doctor asked me if anyone in my family suffers from mental illness?

I said, "NO, We all seem to enjoy it."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
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I just went the doctors, turns out I’m colourblind

The results came completely out of the purple!

πŸ‘︎ 400
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strange_An0maly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
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β€œDoctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?”

β€œYes, of course…”

β€œGreat! I never could before!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tinnber
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
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My Doctor has just prescribed some anti gloating cream

I can’t wait to rub it in

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
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Why did the mathematician go to the Otolaryngologist (ear nose throat doctor/surgeon)?

He was having problems with his sin(x)s

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
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A guy walks into a bar and is surprised to see his family doctor there

A guy walks into a bar and is surprised to see his family doctor there, so he walks over to join him. "What a coincidence!" the guy says. "I was just saying earlier today that I really needed a doctor's appointment." The doctor pulls up his calendar on his phone and says, "Well, how about 10 tomorrow?" "No," the guy replies. "I don't need that many."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Firegoat1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
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My doctor texted me that I was suffering from low magnesium

"0mg", I replied

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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04
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When the doctor told me that there was a cure for dyslexia,

it was music to my arse!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StoutieDwarf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
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A sailor goes to a doctor

Doc, I've started getting bad zits all over my ass.

Yeah, you've got a sebum problem.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lmao-Ze-Dong
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
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Doctor arrested for theft. He checked the purse of his patient.
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
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Doctor doctor I feel like a pair of curtains!

Well just calm down and pull yourself together.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/robjmcm
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
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The doctor today told me I had kidney stones.

It really rocked my world.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Der-Kommissar-III
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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Doctor: I'm sorry but we have to remove half of your colon

Me; What?

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gssn-nospace
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
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A chameleon went to the doctor and said he was having trouble changing his colors. The doctor did some tests and called the chameleon. He informed the chameleon that unfortunately he was suffering from...

a-reptile-disfunction.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Murdock431
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
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Doctor: "How strange, your DNA is back to front."

Me: "AND!!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28
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A football player goes to the doctor and says "It hurts whenever I touch my face, knee and elbow." The doctor says,

"You've broken your hand."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
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Went to the doctors and complained that I had trouble urinating.

"So, take these pills to cure your waterworks problem, then give me a tinkle." the doctor said.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at work.

So, I have an uncle, once removed.

πŸ‘︎ 135
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
🚨︎ report
"Doctor, I'm shrinking."

"Well, you just have to be a little patient."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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I asked the doctor why he was angry

He said "I'm not patient".

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yzakwann
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
🚨︎ report
My doctor told me I was going deaf.

The news was hard for me to hear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sowewenthome
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
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Doctor! Doctor! I'm addicted to Twitter.

I don't follow you.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1963Jan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
🚨︎ report

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