What does Dr Pepper have a doctorate in?
Did you hear about the vampire with a doctorate
Why does it take so long to get a doctorate?
well, says right there you ate a whole doctor. That's not a one day event.
Did you hear about the guy who got his doctorate in neutral solutions?
He graduated with his Ph7.
I'm so happy to see that Mr. Notes finally got his doctorate.
Doctorates in Chemistry lead to higher correlation with dad jokes.
My 2 year old son implored my father in law to join him under the table while the rest of us finished our meal. My wife said, "wow, it isn't every day you see a chemistry PhD crawling around under the table."
To which he responded "chemists have been known to periodically go under the table".
her name is Carly and shes a doctor (pun idea)
man I should C A Rly good doctor
My doctor told me I'm going deaf.
The news was hard for me to hear.
Doctor to patient do you smoke?
Doctor: marijuana, cigarettes, cigars, Vapes?
Patient: mostly brisket, and pork.
What do you call a native Alaskan eye doctor??
An Optical Aleutian
I’ll see myself out...
My doctor wrote me a prescription for daily sex
But my wife insists it's for Dyslexia
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
Doctor you've got you help me, I'm addicted to twitter.
Doctor: I don't follow you.
Why did doctors name them hemorrhoids?
A man walks into the doctor's office
"What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc.
"It's.. erm .. well ... I have five penises." replies the man.
"Ah ok. How do your trousers fit?" asks the doc.
"Like a glove."
Wife took a picture of Doctor Hoo
As a doctor, I never make jokes about an unvaccinated baby.
But let me give it a shot.
Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.
I took what he said with a grain of salt.
My doctor just told me that i was color blind
that came completely out of the orange
"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself and shared it with us during Christmas dinner!
He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Honolulu...
A man woke up in the hospital after a serious accident, the man yelled "DOCTOR! DOCTOR, I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!"
The doctor then replied "i know, i amputated your arms."
Man: "Doctor, Doctor. All my sons want to be valets when they grow up."
Doctor: "WOW, That's the worst case of Parking Son's disease I've ever seen."
A woman suddenly in labor shouts, shouldn’t! wouldn’t! couldn’t! didn’t! can’t! The doctor says "don't worry."
“Those are just contractions.”
A Man rushed into a Doctor's office shouting ' help me Doctor, I'm shrinking' The Doctor calmly said ' Now settle down a bit '..
.. you'll just have to learn to be a little patient.
My doctor told me to walk at least 2 miles a day
It's been a month and I have no idea where I am or how to get home
I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places.
He told me to quit going to those places.
I went to University to study to be a doctor.
Unfortunately, I had to drop out. I just didn't have the patients.
A man went to the doctor’s and told him, “I feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”
He said, “Wow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”
When do you know if your doctor is a quack?
Did you hear about the fish who grew up to be a doctor?
My doctor asked me if anyone in my family suffers from mental illness?
I said, "NO, We all seem to enjoy it."
I just went the doctors, turns out I’m colourblind
The results came completely out of the purple!
“Doctor, doctor, will I be able to play the violin after the operation?”
“Yes, of course…”
“Great! I never could before!”
My Doctor has just prescribed some anti gloating cream
I can’t wait to rub it in
Why did the mathematician go to the Otolaryngologist (ear nose throat doctor/surgeon)?
He was having problems with his sin(x)s
A guy walks into a bar and is surprised to see his family doctor there
A guy walks into a bar and is surprised to see his family doctor there, so he walks over to join him. "What a coincidence!" the guy says. "I was just saying earlier today that I really needed a doctor's appointment." The doctor pulls up his calendar on his phone and says, "Well, how about 10 tomorrow?" "No," the guy replies. "I don't need that many."
My doctor texted me that I was suffering from low magnesium
When the doctor told me that there was a cure for dyslexia,
A sailor goes to a doctor
Doc, I've started getting bad zits all over my ass.
Yeah, you've got a sebum problem.
Doctor arrested for theft. He checked the purse of his patient.
Doctor doctor I feel like a pair of curtains!
Well just calm down and pull yourself together.
The doctor today told me I had kidney stones.
It really rocked my world.
Doctor: I'm sorry but we have to remove half of your colon
A chameleon went to the doctor and said he was having trouble changing his colors. The doctor did some tests and called the chameleon. He informed the chameleon that unfortunately he was suffering from...
Doctor: "How strange, your DNA is back to front."
A football player goes to the doctor and says "It hurts whenever I touch my face, knee and elbow." The doctor says,
"You've broken your hand."
Went to the doctors and complained that I had trouble urinating.
"So, take these pills to cure your waterworks problem, then give me a tinkle." the doctor said.
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at work.
So, I have an uncle, once removed.
"Doctor, I'm shrinking."
"Well, you just have to be a little patient."
I asked the doctor why he was angry
He said "I'm not patient".
My doctor told me I was going deaf.
The news was hard for me to hear.
Doctor! Doctor! I'm addicted to Twitter.