What does Dr Pepper have a doctorate in?
Did you hear about the vampire with a doctorate
Why does it take so long to get a doctorate?
well, says right there you ate a whole doctor. That's not a one day event.
Did you hear about the guy who got his doctorate in neutral solutions?
He graduated with his Ph7.
I'm so happy to see that Mr. Notes finally got his doctorate.
Doctorates in Chemistry lead to higher correlation with dad jokes.
My 2 year old son implored my father in law to join him under the table while the rest of us finished our meal. My wife said, "wow, it isn't every day you see a chemistry PhD crawling around under the table."
To which he responded "chemists have been known to periodically go under the table".
her name is Carly and shes a doctor (pun idea)
man I should C A Rly good doctor
My doctor told me I'm going deaf.
The news was hard for me to hear.
My doctor says that when you die, your pupils are the last thing to go.
Doctor: "Relax David, It's just a small surgery. Don't panic!!"
Me: "But my name isn't David."
Doctor: "I know, I'm David."
A priest, a pastor and a rabbit walk in to a doctors office...
...the nurse asks the rabbit, “what blood type are you?”
The rabbit says, “I’m probably a type O.”
I got a hammer lodged in my esophagus and doctors can't remove it
They say it's the worst case of a Thor throat they've ever seen.
I went in for a Covid test and my doctor asked if I had a sudden loss of taste
"No, I always dress like this", I replied.
Doctor to patient do you smoke?
Patient: yes.
Doctor: marijuana, cigarettes, cigars, Vapes?
Patient: mostly brisket, and pork.
I told my doctor I thought my arm was broken, in several places.
He said "Well, you should probably avoid those places in the future."
When my doctor told me I had a deviated septum, I asked him how different it was from the average.
"Standard deviation", he replied.
I finally got the Covid vaccine yesterday and as I was driving I noticed my vision was blurry. I called the vaccination center and asked if I should go to the doctor or hospital. They said no.
But they encouraged me to immediately return to the vaccination center to pick up my glasses.
What do you call a native Alaskan eye doctor??
An Optical Aleutian
I’ll see myself out...
My doctor has discovered that I'm allergic to rice.
Why was the doctor getting so frustrated?
He kept losing his patients
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
I asked my doctor if he could refer me to a specialist about my addiction to board games. Draughts, Snakes and ladders, Scrabble....
He asked "Any Chess?"
So I said no, I'd rather go private.
A man walks into his doctor’s office and says, “Doctor, I think I’m addicted to Twitter.”
The doctor looks at him and says, “Sorry, I don’t follow you."
My doctor asked me if anyone in my family suffered from mental illness?
I said "NO, We all seem to enjoy it. "
I had mono in high school. I went to the doctor today with similar symptoms but two times worse...
What kind of doctor is Dr Pepper?
Why do doctors hit your knee?
They get a small kick out of it
My Doctor wrote a recommendation for dailysex
But my wife insists that he wrote Dyslexia
I work as a tattoo artist in a wellness center making very specific designs and everyone get really surprised when I tell them that I'm also a doctor...
Nobody expects the Spa Niche Ink Physician.
My doctor asked me why I missed my appointment yesterday?
Doctor: I'm going to deliver the baby. . .
Me: Actually, we'd like him to keep his liver.
After the accident, the doctor told me I'd never be able to unclinch my hands again...
It took me a few days, but I've managed to come to grips with it.
Doctor leaning over a patient who is slowly falling asleep due to anesthetic
-
No worries Steve, this will work out just fine. It’s an easy procedure.
-
But doctor, I’m not Steve!!
-
I know, I am Steve.
Why did doctors name them hemorrhoids?
Told the doctor that I have this eel that keeps bursting out of my back and crying.
He prescribed me some anti-BackTearyEel lotion to take care of it.
My doctor has advised me to stop drinking, its going to be a massive change for me.
I've been with that doctor for 15 years.
Next time you go to the eye doctor say its nice to see you again
A doctor is reviewing test results with his patient...
Doctor: I'm afraid you've tested positive for herpes.
Patient: I knew that one of these days I'd end up with a fungal infection.
Doctor: Actually, it's viral.
Patient: Yeah, but I got it from a fun gal.
My doctor told me to start doing hand exercises.
I’m struggling to grasp the importance of this.
The Doctor said I should drink more Scotch
Also, I’m now calling myself The Doctor
My uncle died last week because the doctors couldn't figure out his blood type.
At least my uncle was being supportive as he kept on yelling, "Be positive!"
Doctor: “How is the boy who swallowed the quarter?”
What's a doctor who specialises in Adams apples called?
Why did the chimney go to the doctor?
I Told My Doctor I Broke My Leg In 2 Places
He said not to go to those places again
A man walks into the doctor's office
"What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc.
"It's.. erm .. well ... I have five penises." replies the man.
"Ah ok. How do your trousers fit?" asks the doc.
"Like a glove."
What do you call an Egyptian doctor?
Wife took a picture of Doctor Hoo
My doctor told me I'm going deaf
The news was very hard to hear
My doctor said that when you die, your pupils are the last thing to go....
My doctor wrote me a prescription for daily sex
But my wife insists it's for Dyslexia
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So, I have an uncle, once removed.
Doctor you've got you help me, I'm addicted to twitter.
Doctor: I don't follow you.
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