Doctor pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jordache_JD
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2020
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her name is Carly and shes a doctor (pun idea)

man I should C A Rly good doctor

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MetalTango
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
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My doctor told me I'm going deaf.

The news was hard for me to hear.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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I went in for a Covid test and my doctor asked if I had a sudden loss of taste

"No, I always dress like this", I replied.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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Doctor to patient do you smoke?

Patient: yes.

Doctor: marijuana, cigarettes, cigars, Vapes?

Patient: mostly brisket, and pork.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
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What do you call a native Alaskan eye doctor??

An Optical Aleutian

I’ll see myself out...

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
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A man walks into his doctor’s office and says, β€œDoctor, I think I’m addicted to Twitter.”

The doctor looks at him and says, β€œSorry, I don’t follow you."

πŸ‘︎ 787
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2021
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My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.

So I have an uncle, once removed.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My doctor wrote me a prescription for daily sex

But my wife insists it's for Dyslexia

πŸ‘︎ 316
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Johnny_Two_Timez
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
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Why did doctors name them hemorrhoids?

Asteroid was taken.

πŸ‘︎ 242
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lawdogg
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
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My uncle died last week because the doctors couldn't figure out his blood type.

At least my uncle was being supportive as he kept on yelling, "Be positive!"

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notelonmusk__
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Doctor: β€œHow is the boy who swallowed the quarter?”

Nurse: β€œNo change yet”

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
A man walks into the doctor's office

"What seems to be the problem?" asks the doc.

"It's.. erm .. well ... I have five penises." replies the man.

"Ah ok. How do your trousers fit?" asks the doc.

"Like a glove."

πŸ‘︎ 150
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Merlin-5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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Doctor: "Alcoholism is a disease. "

Bartender: "Get your shots here !!"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
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Wife took a picture of Doctor Hoo
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kingferret53
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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Doctor: β€œSir, I have some bad news, I’m afraid your DNA is backwards”

Me: "and?"

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/red_snake0329
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2021
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The nurse tells the doctor: "There's an invisible man in the waiting room."

The doctor replies: "Tell him I can't see him now."

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_L_v_e_S
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
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Doctor said I’m at risk of having a heart attack due to high sodium intake.

I took what he said with a grain of salt.

πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ‘€︎ u/battebatmand
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
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As a doctor, I never make jokes about an unvaccinated baby.

But let me give it a shot.

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
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Which eye doctor makes you happy?

An optimist

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zwerfpoes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
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My doctor just told me that i was color blind

that came completely out of the orange

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πŸ‘€︎ u/who_8_my_pasta_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
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An Italian man loses his hands from bike accident. What did his parents ask the doctor?

β€œWill my son able to speak again?”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elver-Galarga7
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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The first doctor to ever perform a vasectomy ....

.....really got the ball rolling.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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"Why didn't Elsa see a doctor for her sore throat and cough? Because a cold never bothered her anyway!" My youngest son thought of that all by himself and shared it with us during Christmas dinner!

He's a 38-year-old lawyer in Honolulu...

πŸ‘︎ 210
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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Doctor to the patient:

- Can you hear better with the hearing aid that I recommended?

- Yes, I can. Thank you very much, doctor. I've already re-written my Will 3 times.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FullMoon-Horror
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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A woman suddenly in labor shouts, shouldn’t! wouldn’t! couldn’t! didn’t! can’t! The doctor says "don't worry."

β€œThose are just contractions.”

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
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Patient: β€œDoctor! Somethings wrong! I’m shrinking!”

Doctor: β€œTake it easy, sir. You’ll just have to be a little patient.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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A man woke up in the hospital after a serious accident, the man yelled "DOCTOR! DOCTOR, I CAN'T FEEL MY LEGS!"

The doctor then replied "i know, i amputated your arms."

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CreepyPastaKing1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Man: "Doctor, Doctor. All my sons want to be valets when they grow up."

Doctor: "WOW, That's the worst case of Parking Son's disease I've ever seen."

πŸ‘︎ 50
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2021
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A man went to the doctor’s and told him, β€œI feel like such a failure. All five of my boys want to be valets when they grow up.”

He said, β€œWow, that’s the worst case of parking son’s disease I’ve ever seen.”

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyclopropagative
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
The earliest memory I have is going to the doctor with my dad to get my eyes checked.

Things before that is a blur.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2021
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A guy wakes up in hospital and screams, "Doctor, Doctor, I can't feel my legs."

Doctor replies, "Of course not, I've cut off your arms."

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
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A local contractor hired a pasta chef to redo the interior of a doctor’s office that studies antibiotics.

The inside looks great! They have a penne ceiling.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Samwyzh
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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A Man rushed into a Doctor's office shouting ' help me Doctor, I'm shrinking' The Doctor calmly said ' Now settle down a bit '..

.. you'll just have to learn to be a little patient.

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
My doctor told me to walk at least 2 miles a day

It's been a month and I have no idea where I am or how to get home

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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I told the doctor I broke my leg in two places.

He told me to quit going to those places.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I just went the doctors, turns out I’m colourblind

The results came completely out of the purple!

πŸ‘︎ 398
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strange_An0maly
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to University to study to be a doctor.

Unfortunately, I had to drop out. I just didn't have the patients.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EastlyGod1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the fish who grew up to be a doctor?

He now is a sturgeon

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/santino1987
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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After 6 cardiac arrests the doctor convinced me to go for surgery!

I really needed that change of heart!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dantr1x
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2021
🚨︎ report
A doctor is giving medical treatment when a nurse comes in saying that they need the doctor in another room. The nurse told the guy getting medical treatment to wait.

He waited patiently.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/noqms
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
When do you know if your doctor is a quack?

When you see his bill.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a doctor and a priest ?

When the dr touches your nuts it’s strictly business.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
My Doctor has just prescribed some anti gloating cream

I can’t wait to rub it in

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
My doctor asked me if anyone in my family suffers from mental illness?

I said, "NO, We all seem to enjoy it."

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
A guy walks into a bar and is surprised to see his family doctor there

A guy walks into a bar and is surprised to see his family doctor there, so he walks over to join him. "What a coincidence!" the guy says. "I was just saying earlier today that I really needed a doctor's appointment." The doctor pulls up his calendar on his phone and says, "Well, how about 10 tomorrow?" "No," the guy replies. "I don't need that many."

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Firegoat1
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Doctor you've got you help me, I'm addicted to twitter.

Doctor: I don't follow you.

πŸ‘︎ 212
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πŸ‘€︎ u/red_snake0329
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at work.

So, I have an uncle, once removed.

πŸ‘︎ 133
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
"Doctor, I'm shrinking."

"Well, you just have to be a little patient."

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
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Patient: doctor, I've gone blind

Doctor: I see

Patient: I don't

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report

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