Graduate Puns

A list of puns related to "Graduate"

When my kid graduates high school I want him to go to Indiana for college.

Then I can have a “Hoosier Daddy” bumper sticker.

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👤︎ u/damscomp
📅︎ Oct 07 2020
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Why did the freezer never graduate?

Because it was set on 0 degrees.

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👤︎ u/HueyLameass
📅︎ Sep 23 2020
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What do you say to a vampire when he graduates? (and other monster jokes from a book I had)

Countdraculations.

What is 5m. tall, hairy and flies at 2,179 km/h?

A King Kongcorde.

What do witches use to know the hour?

A witch watch.

What do you call a chicken spirit?

A poultrygeist.

And one mine:

What do you call a house inhabited by a chicken spirit?

A hen-ted house.

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👤︎ u/Roaring_Anubis
📅︎ Jul 20 2020
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I moved somewhere before I could graduate.

It was Stalingrad.

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👤︎ u/PopossWasTaken
📅︎ Feb 12 2020
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When Math majors graduate ...

Do they get degrees or radians?

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👤︎ u/giftif
📅︎ Jun 13 2019
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What do you call tin foil hat graduates of the National Secret Honor Society?

The Aluminumati.

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👤︎ u/bbtehbuild
📅︎ Jul 29 2019
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What do you call a boat full of high school graduates

A scholarship

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👤︎ u/It_was_me_hanzo
📅︎ Jun 01 2019
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How did the pirate manage to graduate high school?

He wasn’t the top of his class, but his grades here in the high C’s...

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👤︎ u/mistermajik2000
📅︎ Mar 22 2018
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What do you call a graduate student that teaches?

A Semi-Professor

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👤︎ u/bg001x
📅︎ Jul 04 2019
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Why don't farts ever graduate high school?

Because they always end up getting expelled.

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👤︎ u/abnormis_sapiens
📅︎ Feb 12 2019
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You know what I wanna do once I graduate from nursing school?

Be a midhusband

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👤︎ u/anxiouscuke
📅︎ Mar 10 2019
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What do you call a doctor that graduates at the bottom of his class?

Major

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👤︎ u/belly_bell
📅︎ Jan 06 2019
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What's the best way to graduate from train conductor school?

By making sure you stay on track...

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👤︎ u/rbasham08
📅︎ Oct 03 2018
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Do mathematicians graduate with a radian or a degree?
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👤︎ u/Rkk1945
📅︎ Nov 29 2016
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The fresh college graduate of Contortion University wanted to work in the field as quickly as possible

He was bent on success

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👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline
📅︎ Sep 13 2018
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At a graduate seminar on operating systems

Professor: This paper is comparing Windows Vista performance against Windows 7 in the wild, but it makes no attempt to control for hardware, so it's not an apples-to-apples comparison.

Me: For an apples-to-apples comparison they'd need to compare OSX and iOS, wouldn't they?

(Yes, I really said this)

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👤︎ u/dspeyer
📅︎ Apr 17 2015
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Got dad-joked in my graduate Histology class.

The professor was discussing anatomy of the gastrointestinal tract, specifically the mouth/neck.

"The esophagus is about 10-11 inches long. If it were 12 we'd call it a foot."

Then he went off on a tangent about his friend in college who could stick a hot dog all the way down his throat. School is weird.

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👤︎ u/bears_and_beets
📅︎ Oct 22 2014
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Dad Joke, graduate school edition

I recently got accepted into Virginia Tech's graduate program. For those who don't know, their mascot is the "Hokie". This past Sunday, Dad looks at me and states, "Well at least they have a really well known fight song." "Um...I'm not sure what it is, haven't heard it yet." He then proceeds to start singing the Hokie Pokie, and begins laughing hysterically, to the groan of the whole family.

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👤︎ u/onlytounsubscribe
📅︎ Apr 14 2014
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When I graduate from vet school, I want to care for the pets of former nazi soldiers.

Basically, I want to be a veteran aryan veterinarian.

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👤︎ u/RussIsAnOkayGuy
📅︎ May 29 2015
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What do they call the person in medical school who graduates last in his class?

Doctor.

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👤︎ u/grammascookies
📅︎ Sep 13 2015
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Made this one up today, i'm not a father yet but I can't wait to use it when my kids graduate

Works best out loud..

"You know how at most schools student who reach certain GPA's are awarded either Magna cum Laude or Summa Cum Laude or something along those lines? What do the students who get 2.0's get?

Thank the Laude!"

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👤︎ u/Canadian_donut_giver
📅︎ May 08 2014
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What do you call a squire who graduates into knighthood?

Sir Passed.

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👤︎ u/JustinJamm
📅︎ Aug 21 2014
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One from my graduate professor

Prof: Does beer make you smarter?

Class: No

Prof: But it makes bud-weiser!

He's the best prof ever!

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👤︎ u/gdbnarov
📅︎ Nov 23 2013
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