Teacher: “So I want everyone to understand that a dead body isn’t disgusting, and we need to be able to handle it and always be observant at all times when dealing with one”
The teacher has everyone turn their body over
Teacher: “Now I want you all to stick your finger in it’s ass and hold it in there for a moment”
all of the students do as instructed, hesitant at first
Teacher: “Okay, now go ahead and pull your finger out and then put a finger in your mouth like I do”
The students getting a little disgusted by that request REALLY hesitated at first, but eventually they all did as he asked
As the teacher has all of his students with their finger in their mouth, he tells the class, “now see it’s not disgusting if you did it right...if you put your index finger in the ass, and put your middle finger in your mouth like I did, you have just passed my class”.
With minimal observance, and a dead silent room...not one student passed the pop quiz
She replied “the ball is round daddy” (with a straight face) So I tell her “no, what I mean is, get mad! I want you to hit the ball really hard like if you were mad at it!”
She grabs the ball, stares right at it and says “I’M REALLY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU, BALL!” Then throws it right back at me.
Proud dad moment.
So Patel tried to go to the lowest level and put a dot on the paper.
"What this, Ed?"
"A line?" the boy replied.
"I... I expected more from you. I'm... This a point, Ed."
Spent all night thinking about the prose and cons.
It means allot.
It really means a lot.
“Why?” she asked.
“Because that’s what makes it beautiful.”
Oh, the eye roll on this kid.
I guess I have too much time on my hands.
It will change the breed of your dog into a snicker-doodle.
Waste of time turns out hes got two left feet.
"No, he's in college."
"there are either predators or prey in the circle of life" explained the nun. "whatever an animal eats, it is called that animal's prey. for instance, rabbits eat lettuce - thus lettuce is rabbit prey."
"Sister, what is sunlight then?" asked a quizzical child.
smiling, the nun put her hands together and said, "lettuce prey".
Now she can fart on my wife's pillow
You should have pluralized it and more would have shown up!
"Red stop, Gringo."
She became a reagent.
It just goes over everyone’s head.
He’s a great tooter.
But after the first two letters, it seemed a little “seedy”
It was ACE!
It means a lot
It really means a lot!
It means a lot.
You could say they're under my "tootelage".
I know it’s only six words, but it’s a start.
But he wasn’t grasping the concept.
It was a pretty funny tangent, though
Especially when they can’t use cowculators
It means the world to me
My 2 year old little girl was sitting at the kitchen table eating her dinner. It was me and my wife and her, just chilling. So, she drops her napkin on the floor and I pick it up and hand it to her, to which she says thank you daddy. So, I ask her if she can say thank you in spanish.
"Thank you daddy, in spanish"
I almost choked on my meal I laughed so hard, and my wife groaned. I have never been prouder.
"Let me show you how to make an egg roll, son."
Picks an egg
"Take an egg, put it on the table, and just push it!"
What letter is this?
Because I'm asking you! What letter is it??
How am I supposed to know if you've learnt it if you don't tell me?? What letter is this??
I look at him. He's looking at me. I can see his brain stuck in a loop he's not sure how to get out of. He sees me starting to crack up and out it comes, the unquestionable evidence of a successful dad joke
Those jailbirds were always behind a few bars.
My son successfully took a bite by himself and I said, "Good forking job!" My wife groaned.
He said 'no son of mine is going to be assisi!'
It truly was a gripping story.
Don't Menschen it
"Okay, so this is the screwdriver, this is the wrench, and this, well, you know the drill."
but I guess it could be chalked up to freedom of expression...