So proud of my 6 year old. While teaching her to hit a softball, I told her to β€œsquare up on the ball”

She replied β€œthe ball is round daddy” (with a straight face) So I tell her β€œno, what I mean is, get mad! I want you to hit the ball really hard like if you were mad at it!”

She grabs the ball, stares right at it and says β€œI’M REALLY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU, BALL!” Then throws it right back at me.

Proud dad moment.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Itsjorgehernandez
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23
🚨︎ report
I’d like to thank Merriam-Webster for teaching me the meaning of the word β€œplethora”.

It really means a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 153
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmhollifield
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10
🚨︎ report
Did you know you can change the breed of your poodle by teaching it to giggle on command?

It will change the breed of your dog into a snicker-doodle.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Youtuatoot
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05
🚨︎ report
I've been teaching myself to juggle clocks.

I guess I have too much time on my hands.

πŸ‘︎ 930
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ManCrisp
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20
🚨︎ report
I've been teaching my dog a new trick

Now she can fart on my wife's pillow

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27
🚨︎ report
My wife is teaching my little ones (3/1) about bugs so they wrote β€œAnt” in honey on a piece of paper to attract them and set it out on the deck. She was sad When we went out to check later that day, only one was there.

You should have pluralized it and more would have shown up!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vtfb79
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27
🚨︎ report
"I was teaching my son colours while I drove him to school."

"Primary?"
"No, he's in college."

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
What did the Mexican tell the foreigner when teaching him about stoplights?

"Red stop, Gringo."

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShyGuyGamer667
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
The chemistry teacher rejoined the FBI after several years of teaching.

She became a reagent.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
A nun is teaching her students about the circle of life

"there are either predators or prey in the circle of life" explained the nun. "whatever an animal eats, it is called that animal's prey. for instance, rabbits eat lettuce - thus lettuce is rabbit prey."

"Sister, what is sunlight then?" asked a quizzical child.

smiling, the nun put her hands together and said, "lettuce prey".

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr-Vader
πŸ“…︎ May 01
🚨︎ report
Passing the time in quarantine teaching the cat to dance...

Waste of time turns out hes got two left feet.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blacky-o-hare
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
🚨︎ report
I love teaching astronomy, but

It just goes over everyone’s head.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/astrocavalier
πŸ“…︎ May 14
🚨︎ report
Even though my baby poops a lot, I feel like the life lessons he’s been teaching me are invaluable.

He’s a great tooter.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fkedifiknow
πŸ“…︎ May 05
🚨︎ report
I started teaching my son the alphabet

But after the first two letters, it seemed a little β€œseedy”

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fizzgigmcarthur
πŸ“…︎ May 02
🚨︎ report
I was teaching my son to play the piano. He played the Am chord for me.

It was ACE!

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nine-Nation-Navy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31
🚨︎ report
Thanks for teaching me the meaning of plethora

It means a lot

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tattedjb
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
Thanks for teaching me the definition of plethora..

It means a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wedge001
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
🚨︎ report
Thank you so much for teaching me the meaning of the word "plethora"

It really means a lot!

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icebucketwood
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18
🚨︎ report
I've been teaching my kids how to fart.

You could say they're under my "tootelage".

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pyro_pugilist
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I am teaching my kid speed reading and I’m proud to say that he managed to finish β€œHarry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” in an hour and a half.

I know it’s only six words, but it’s a start.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Teaching cows to walk on a tightrope is a high-stakes game.
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sticky-Wood
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
My math teacher started telling a story in the middle of teaching us about trig functions

It was a pretty funny tangent, though

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IHaveSacks
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
teaching crows to be quiet is a lost caws
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aaaaaaaaaaaadam
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
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Today we tried teaching my six month old son how to hold things.

But he wasn’t grasping the concept.

πŸ‘︎ 88
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trentertained
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Thanks to my Spanish speaking friend for teaching me β€œel mundo”

It means the world to me

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hashtagfunsies
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I was teaching political correctness to my niece and I said, "Ok let's say there's someone named Michael or Mike for short, and if Mike delivers mail, he's a Mail-man. Similarly if there's someone named Jennifer who's doing the same job what would you call her?"

"Jenny"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nikhil48
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Teaching a cow how to do math is difficult

Especially when they can’t use cowculators

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/koookee3770
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I changed my religion to follow the teachings of St. Francis, my dad was not pleased

He said 'no son of mine is going to be assisi!'

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scamperillium
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Teaching a 3 year-old the difference between a circle and square is pointless
πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Thank you for teaching me about German people the other day

Don't Menschen it

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aabesh
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Just heard a story about Mariano Rivera teaching another pitcher how to throw a better cutter.

It truly was a gripping story.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Preacher_Zero
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Teaching my 4yo how to write

What letter is this?

"Y"

Because I'm asking you! What letter is it??

"Y!"

How am I supposed to know if you've learnt it if you don't tell me?? What letter is this??

I look at him. He's looking at me. I can see his brain stuck in a loop he's not sure how to get out of. He sees me starting to crack up and out it comes, the unquestionable evidence of a successful dad joke

"Ugh! DAAAAAAAAADDDD"

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DreamSmuggler
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
🚨︎ report
I had to quit teaching inmates to sing.

Those jailbirds were always behind a few bars.

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Socratio
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
🚨︎ report
What are they teaching kids these days?

My 2 year old little girl was sitting at the kitchen table eating her dinner. It was me and my wife and her, just chilling. So, she drops her napkin on the floor and I pick it up and hand it to her, to which she says thank you daddy. So, I ask her if she can say thank you in spanish.

"Thank you daddy, in spanish"

I almost choked on my meal I laughed so hard, and my wife groaned. I have never been prouder.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lidsville76
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2016
🚨︎ report
After teaching a wolf meditation

It became aware wolf

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MMARCADE
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Imagine someone teaching you the hacks of the onion Browser. They would be your tormentor.
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jawad062
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad teaching me culinary skills.

"Let me show you how to make an egg roll, son."

Picks an egg

"Take an egg, put it on the table, and just push it!"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/steelpan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2016
🚨︎ report
I was teaching in the classroom when I suddenly started touching one of my pupils.

The itching in my eye was really out of control.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife was teaching my 11 month old son how to eat with silverware...

My son successfully took a bite by himself and I said, "Good forking job!" My wife groaned.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hockeyscott
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2016
🚨︎ report
Thanks for teaching me the definition of Earth.

It means the world to me.

πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spoopy_dude666
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Why does the guy teaching football always take the train?

Because he is a coach.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dreaded_Engineer
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I've always thought kids being able to draw on the sidewalks at school is only teaching them that vandalism is okay...

but I guess it could be chalked up to freedom of expression...

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMillionthSam
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2017
🚨︎ report
He broke this one out when teaching me about tools.

"Okay, so this is the screwdriver, this is the wrench, and this, well, you know the drill."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/T0BIASNESS
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2013
🚨︎ report
I started teaching Spanish to Americans who live in the South.

Se habla Espan y’all.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Parents spend the first couple years of their kids lives teaching them how to walk & talk...

Then the next 18 telling them to sit down & shut up!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_hoff35
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a learning environment that specialises in teaching nuts?

macadamia

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/toastshop
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
🚨︎ report
teaching my son how to pick up chicks imgur.com/v7iMPbo
πŸ‘︎ 218
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atomicpete
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2016
🚨︎ report
I was teaching my daughter manners and telling her why it's impolite to fart next to people when I realized

I was giving her a toot-orial

πŸ‘︎ 153
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did Thor stop teaching his brother how to play the piano?

He couldn't learn how to properly play in low key.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Viva_La_Buymore
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Teaching my 11yo son the Pythagorean theorem today.

A plane takes off from an airport in a diagonal ascent for 8km. 5km from the liftoff point a passenger flushes a turd down the toilet. Right then a farmer with a pair if binoculars watching the plane from directly underneath the aircraft sees the turd jettisoned, and exclaims. That's a high pot in use!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vmlinux
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2018
🚨︎ report
My professor was teaching about the age of the earth.

Professor: So one method of dating the earth is Radiometric Dating. What are some other methods that can be used to date the earth?

Student: How about courtship?

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PM_ME_YOUR_JAWS
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2016
🚨︎ report
When I told my Dad I quit teaching to work in finance

He asked

"Will that make you a traitor or a trader?"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dsherwoodmathman
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2017
🚨︎ report
My father-in-law is teaching me well

He texted my wife the following (my name's Hoss)

Do you know what that motion is called when Hoss walks his Harley backwards out of the garage without starting it?

Reverse Hossmosis! :D

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Im_Not_Famous
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2017
🚨︎ report
I was teaching my dad english.

And when my dad learned what nickname means, he went like, 'Nick have name and it's nickname!' And chuckled.

It isn't funny but I thought I should post it here.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/homemadepanda
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2016
🚨︎ report
The teaching assistant for our class didn't show up the day after injuring his foot

Our professor told us he had a lame excuse

πŸ‘︎ 114
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainGoodhair
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2016
🚨︎ report
Teaching my son well

We had a door to door pest control salesman that wouldn't leave our front porch. When he finally left, my 10 year old son says, "Man, that guy was bugging!"

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/80_Percent_Beard
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2016
🚨︎ report
Teaching Abroad in Asia

I've been China get a job to pursue my teaching Korea but I'm willing Tibet the pay is Laos-y and I don't wan't money Thai-ing me down.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tritty_kutz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2015
🚨︎ report
My wife is teaching herself to play the piano.

https://imgur.com/gallery/IGgEK

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/importtuner137
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2016
🚨︎ report
The youth center in my town is teaching the art of dad joking well.

http://imgur.com/uICSJvZ

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hearip88
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2014
🚨︎ report
Dad joke while teaching my friend how to grocery shop

Him: I have no clue which sausage to buy. What do you recommend?

Me: Well, I don't know which one is the best, but I can tell you which one is the wurst!

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAmTheKingOfSpain
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2014
🚨︎ report
A coworker was teaching me something she learned in a class about Iran's history over chat

Her: Once, a prince tried to overthrow his father, the Shah. So his father killed all his son's men in front of him, then gouged out his eyes

Me: I guess he...

( β€’_β€’)>βŒβ– -β– 

...didn't see that one coming.

(βŒβ– _β– )

Her: ΰ² _ΰ² 

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tecun_uman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2015
🚨︎ report
Next to a Dad teaching his kid to use a fuel pump...

"You just press this button ... IT'S GUNNA BLOW!!"

Followed by embarrassed teen noises.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/misspoetatoe
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2014
🚨︎ report
While teaching a new server about pizza topping options

"...and of course you know why you have to bake jalapeΓ±o" "No why?" "Because it's a little chilly" "..."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Getpucked
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2014
🚨︎ report
You've heard the old adage about teaching a man to fish.

Similarly, if you build a man a fire, he'll be warm for an hour. But if you set a man on fire, he'll be warm for the rest of his life!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NinlyOne
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2014
🚨︎ report
Dad joked my students while I was student teaching

I asked the class if they knew which was the last war the U.S. officially had declared as a war.

Students threw out a few wrong answers, none more egregious than when I hear

Student: Syria!

Me: Syria?! Are you Ser-i-ous?!

I roared with laughter. I got a couple giggles from the students.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bad_Stever
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2014
🚨︎ report
My friend asked me how much I thought I could make teaching abroad

I said, it depends on what she's trying to learn

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buvet
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2015
🚨︎ report
Teaching dad how to move apps around the iPhone.

I said "Put your finger on the icon thing and hold it there until it wiggles.... Is it wiggling?"

Dad - "The little icon is but not my finger."

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2014
🚨︎ report
Just a dad teaching a son to drive

Arriving at a red light Dad: Don't make this stop abrupt, ohp ohp... That was an abrupt stop. Me: (laughing) Shut up, dad! I knew it would be... Dad: You didn't start stopping early enough. Get it? Start stopping? Stop starting? (Dad laugh)

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HeyBoiz
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2014
🚨︎ report
I am currently student teaching at a middle school, my cooperating teacher is a walking dad joke machine.

A group of fifth graders are visiting our school he asks the kids "Hey did Mr. O(5th grade music teacher) ever tell you we went to college. It was me him and Abraham Lincoln in class"

One of his favorites "What side of the dog has the most fur?" "The Outside"

Whenever a kid asks "Can I go to the bathroom?" He always answers with "Only a Dr. Can tell you that." He does is so much that when A child says may I go to the bathroom he still does it without thinking. Most students stopped asking to go to the bathroom or ask me.

Its been a great few months of these, I'll add more to the comments as I think of them.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/barryd406
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad teaching us financial responsibility

Years ago my parents sent my sister to England for a summer camp/study trip. Whenever we would call her we'd all gather around the speakerphone and talk briefly since international phone calls were expensive back then. One day we call her and my sister tells my dad that she has 6 more days of camp left and she is down to her last pound (dollar). There is a long awkward pause. Then my sister ask: Dad, what should I do? To which my dad responds: Spend it wisely...

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cabrilo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2013
🚨︎ report

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