He was sentenced to drinking spruce tea or leaving for 6 months because he was teaching the youth how to be passive-aggressive. His disciple Playdoh wrote half a screenplay about him before giving up and finding a real job.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NRGFalcon
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
A doctor was teaching a class, and wanted to give a pop quiz about tolerance and observance when dealing with the cadavers. (L) (On Mobile)

Teacher: β€œSo I want everyone to understand that a dead body isn’t disgusting, and we need to be able to handle it and always be observant at all times when dealing with one”

The teacher has everyone turn their body over

Teacher: β€œNow I want you all to stick your finger in it’s ass and hold it in there for a moment”

all of the students do as instructed, hesitant at first

Teacher: β€œOkay, now go ahead and pull your finger out and then put a finger in your mouth like I do”

The students getting a little disgusted by that request REALLY hesitated at first, but eventually they all did as he asked

As the teacher has all of his students with their finger in their mouth, he tells the class, β€œnow see it’s not disgusting if you did it right...if you put your index finger in the ass, and put your middle finger in your mouth like I did, you have just passed my class”.

With minimal observance, and a dead silent room...not one student passed the pop quiz

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wonkagloop
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
So proud of my 6 year old. While teaching her to hit a softball, I told her to β€œsquare up on the ball”

She replied β€œthe ball is round daddy” (with a straight face) So I tell her β€œno, what I mean is, get mad! I want you to hit the ball really hard like if you were mad at it!”

She grabs the ball, stares right at it and says β€œI’M REALLY DISAPPOINTED IN YOU, BALL!” Then throws it right back at me.

Proud dad moment.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Itsjorgehernandez
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Patel was teaching a boy named Ed basic geometry, which he was failing to grasp even on the most basic levels. He mistook squares for triangles, circles for hexagons and so on...

So Patel tried to go to the lowest level and put a dot on the paper.

"What this, Ed?"

"A line?" the boy replied.

"I... I expected more from you. I'm... This a point, Ed."

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alkaath
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Just got offered a job teaching poetry in prison.

Spent all night thinking about the prose and cons.

πŸ‘︎ 223
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πŸ‘€︎ u/midget_clown
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I would like to thank my dad for teaching me the word "apportion".

It means allot.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timtip
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I’d like to thank Merriam-Webster for teaching me the meaning of the word β€œplethora”.

It really means a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 154
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmhollifield
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I was teaching my 12 year old daughter how to mow the lawn. β€œYou need to pick either up and down or right and left, and then stick to it,” I told her. β€œDo you mow the whole yard in one direction.”

β€œWhy?” she asked.

β€œBecause that’s what makes it beautiful.”

Oh, the eye roll on this kid.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisoatkins
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I've been teaching myself to juggle clocks.

I guess I have too much time on my hands.

πŸ‘︎ 933
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ManCrisp
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know you can change the breed of your poodle by teaching it to giggle on command?

It will change the breed of your dog into a snicker-doodle.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Youtuatoot
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Passing the time in quarantine teaching the cat to dance...

Waste of time turns out hes got two left feet.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blacky-o-hare
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
🚨︎ report
"I was teaching my son colours while I drove him to school."

"Primary?"
"No, he's in college."

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
A nun is teaching her students about the circle of life

"there are either predators or prey in the circle of life" explained the nun. "whatever an animal eats, it is called that animal's prey. for instance, rabbits eat lettuce - thus lettuce is rabbit prey."

"Sister, what is sunlight then?" asked a quizzical child.

smiling, the nun put her hands together and said, "lettuce prey".

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dr-Vader
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I've been teaching my dog a new trick

Now she can fart on my wife's pillow

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife is teaching my little ones (3/1) about bugs so they wrote β€œAnt” in honey on a piece of paper to attract them and set it out on the deck. She was sad When we went out to check later that day, only one was there.

You should have pluralized it and more would have shown up!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vtfb79
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the Mexican tell the foreigner when teaching him about stoplights?

"Red stop, Gringo."

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShyGuyGamer667
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2020
🚨︎ report
The chemistry teacher rejoined the FBI after several years of teaching.

She became a reagent.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I love teaching astronomy, but

It just goes over everyone’s head.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/astrocavalier
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Even though my baby poops a lot, I feel like the life lessons he’s been teaching me are invaluable.

He’s a great tooter.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fkedifiknow
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I started teaching my son the alphabet

But after the first two letters, it seemed a little β€œseedy”

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fizzgigmcarthur
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I was teaching my son to play the piano. He played the Am chord for me.

It was ACE!

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nine-Nation-Navy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Thanks for teaching me the meaning of plethora

It means a lot

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tattedjb
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Thank you so much for teaching me the meaning of the word "plethora"

It really means a lot!

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icebucketwood
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Thanks for teaching me the definition of plethora..

It means a lot.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wedge001
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I've been teaching my kids how to fart.

You could say they're under my "tootelage".

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pyro_pugilist
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Teaching cows to walk on a tightrope is a high-stakes game.
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sticky-Wood
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I am teaching my kid speed reading and I’m proud to say that he managed to finish β€œHarry Potter and the Philosopher’s Stone” in an hour and a half.

I know it’s only six words, but it’s a start.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Today we tried teaching my six month old son how to hold things.

But he wasn’t grasping the concept.

πŸ‘︎ 90
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Trentertained
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My math teacher started telling a story in the middle of teaching us about trig functions

It was a pretty funny tangent, though

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IHaveSacks
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
teaching crows to be quiet is a lost caws
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aaaaaaaaaaaadam
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Teaching a cow how to do math is difficult

Especially when they can’t use cowculators

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/koookee3770
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Thanks to my Spanish speaking friend for teaching me β€œel mundo”

It means the world to me

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hashtagfunsies
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What are they teaching kids these days?

My 2 year old little girl was sitting at the kitchen table eating her dinner. It was me and my wife and her, just chilling. So, she drops her napkin on the floor and I pick it up and hand it to her, to which she says thank you daddy. So, I ask her if she can say thank you in spanish.

"Thank you daddy, in spanish"

I almost choked on my meal I laughed so hard, and my wife groaned. I have never been prouder.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lidsville76
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2016
🚨︎ report
I was teaching political correctness to my niece and I said, "Ok let's say there's someone named Michael or Mike for short, and if Mike delivers mail, he's a Mail-man. Similarly if there's someone named Jennifer who's doing the same job what would you call her?"

"Jenny"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nikhil48
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad teaching me culinary skills.

"Let me show you how to make an egg roll, son."

Picks an egg

"Take an egg, put it on the table, and just push it!"

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/steelpan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2016
🚨︎ report
Teaching my 4yo how to write

What letter is this?

"Y"

Because I'm asking you! What letter is it??

"Y!"

How am I supposed to know if you've learnt it if you don't tell me?? What letter is this??

I look at him. He's looking at me. I can see his brain stuck in a loop he's not sure how to get out of. He sees me starting to crack up and out it comes, the unquestionable evidence of a successful dad joke

"Ugh! DAAAAAAAAADDDD"

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DreamSmuggler
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
🚨︎ report
I had to quit teaching inmates to sing.

Those jailbirds were always behind a few bars.

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Socratio
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife was teaching my 11 month old son how to eat with silverware...

My son successfully took a bite by himself and I said, "Good forking job!" My wife groaned.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hockeyscott
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2016
🚨︎ report
Teaching a 3 year-old the difference between a circle and square is pointless
πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I changed my religion to follow the teachings of St. Francis, my dad was not pleased

He said 'no son of mine is going to be assisi!'

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scamperillium
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Just heard a story about Mariano Rivera teaching another pitcher how to throw a better cutter.

It truly was a gripping story.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Preacher_Zero
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Thank you for teaching me about German people the other day

Don't Menschen it

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aabesh
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
After teaching a wolf meditation

It became aware wolf

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MMARCADE
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2018
🚨︎ report
He broke this one out when teaching me about tools.

"Okay, so this is the screwdriver, this is the wrench, and this, well, you know the drill."

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/T0BIASNESS
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2013
🚨︎ report
Imagine someone teaching you the hacks of the onion Browser. They would be your tormentor.
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jawad062
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2018
🚨︎ report
I've always thought kids being able to draw on the sidewalks at school is only teaching them that vandalism is okay...

but I guess it could be chalked up to freedom of expression...

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMillionthSam
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2017
🚨︎ report
Thanks for teaching me the definition of Earth.

It means the world to me.

πŸ‘︎ 87
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spoopy_dude666
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2018
🚨︎ report

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