I hate train puns.

They eventually run off the rails.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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[request] Train pun for birthday message.

Trying to write a nice birthday message to my grandfather who is turning 80 and loves Trains. Any suggestions?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crompyyy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2018
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Friend and I saw "Snowpiercer" last night. Spent the next hour and a half barraging him with train puns.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CorvidaeSF
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2014
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How does a train eat it's dinner?

It chew chews it!?

Credit: My 3 year old, who validated the joke through my 6 year old.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ“…︎ May 05
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Why did the man rob the train?

I'm not sure, but I bet he had a loco motive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_lightbulb
πŸ“…︎ May 27
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How do trains hear?

With their engine ears.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chunksisthedog
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
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Does a train have teeth?

Then how can it choo choo?

Complements of my 6 year old.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikehawk86
πŸ“…︎ Mar 02
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What's the best way to get Pikachu onto a train?

Pokemon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EgonVector
πŸ“…︎ May 30
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I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son’s train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

πŸ‘︎ 788
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OMMOPOWER
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28
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Where did all the G.I. Joe fighters train?

At the "Yo, Joe!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ May 29
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Train derails in New Mexico, killing 23 people

It must have had a locomotive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterFluffkins
πŸ“…︎ May 06
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How does one train hear another train coming?

With its engine ears.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nixus42
πŸ“…︎ May 21
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If 1+1=2 and 2+0=2, what does Train+Whistle equal?

Two too!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/silverjaydog
πŸ“…︎ May 21
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My boss said to me "You're the worst train driver ever! How many have you derailed this year?!"

I said "I don't know... it's hard to keep track"

πŸ‘︎ 492
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WardensLantern
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06
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I got fired from my job as a train operator and my job as a lightning rod.

I guess I'm just a bad conductor.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bagabus
πŸ“…︎ May 06
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There was a murder on a train do you know if the suspect was caught?

No, he covered his tracks.

(Thought of this this morning go easy on me!)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpicyPorkEar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25
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Did you hear about the new trains drivers first run?

It went off without a hitch

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πŸ‘€︎ u/THPSROCKS
πŸ“…︎ May 20
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Why don’t trees use the train?

They can never find a root.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChordSlinger
πŸ“…︎ May 09
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Did you hear about that guy who got run over by a steam train?

He was chuffed to bits

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ May 16
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Why don't trains choke?

Because they Chewchew

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/XchrisZ
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
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What a train ride of emotions finding a neglected train but also a quality pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RahmeI
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19
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Driving over a crossing, I told my son a train had just went through

It left its tracks

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ihatemeatloaf0620
πŸ“…︎ May 05
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Who trains cats?

Caesar Mew-lan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SaltyLogic
πŸ“…︎ May 07
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A monkey was sitting on the train tracks waiting for a train.

A monkey was sitting on the train tracks waiting for a train. When a train ran over its tail the monkey said, "It won't be long now!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AspenTD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
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What does the masticating train say?

Chew! Chew!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sharkbaitoo1a1a
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
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What do you call a train made out of bubble gum

A chew chew train

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 21
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I want to train a dog to make bank deposits

Training them to make withdrawals just seems a bit too far fetched.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/General-Nonsens3
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16
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I got into a fight with my Mexican neighbor and he started to make train noises while holding a gun

He said "I'm going to choo choo"

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
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I think my puppy might be a train...

all she does is chew, chew, chew.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hemingwayfan
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23
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I'm going to make a website that is just videos and pictures of trains and trolleys.

OnlyTrams

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sweaner
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
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A psychotic criminal stole a train. He said the reason was the voices in the head told him to.

It was a locomotive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ensiform
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
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What do you call someone who looks just like you on a passing train?

A Dopplerganger.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/earth_humanoid
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04
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How does a train eat human food?

He choo it

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cfager123
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14
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What did the Muslim train engineer say when his child asked why a creature so perplexing as the platypus would be created?

"Allah bored"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/canadaddy-o
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17
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I wanted to crack a joke on trains. I could not EXPRESS it well

Think, I'll need a COACH

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slypikachu69
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26
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The FBI was shocked to uncover the inspirations of the train collecting serial killer.

He had loco-motives

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigscarydaniel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09
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A lorry-load of tortoises crashed into a train-load of terrapins

I thought "That's a turtle disaster".

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Merlin-5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
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Why are trains such good bike riders?

Because of the train wheels!!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ekerny306
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07
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With no buses, trains, or taxis in sight, and my wife going into labor, I figured the only solution was a piggyback.

But she refused to give me one.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27
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What would you call an electric train in Japan?

A Pikachu-chu.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
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I saw a Russian train

It wasn’t Stalin

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jamie-brittain
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31
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Did you hear about the man who hid his train set?

He was good a covering his tracks

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 12
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The pessimist sees a dark tunnel. The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a freight train.

The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.

πŸ‘︎ 110
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πŸ‘€︎ u/firestrike007
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
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It must be really easy being a train engineer

All you have to do is stay on track

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/schiggy182
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
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My wife caught me playing with my son's train set. I was so embarrassed, I threw a bedsheet over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
When my wife found me playing with my son’s train set, I was so embarrassed that I threw a bedsheet over it.

I think I managed to cover my tracks.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
My boss said to me, β€œYou are the worst train operator ever. How many trains have you derailed in the past year?”

I said, β€œI’m not sure. It’s so hard to keep track.”

πŸ‘︎ 644
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aromipesa
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20
🚨︎ report
My boss said to me, β€œYou’re the worst train driver ever. How many have you derailed this year?”

I said, β€œI’m not sure; it’s hard to keep track.”

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 17
🚨︎ report

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