A man purposely crashed two passenger trains, killing hundreds. Why didn’t he get the electric chair?
Turns out he was a really bad conductor.
Breaking news: Irish officials have reported that a passenger 747 has crashed into a Belfast cemetery. Investigators have discovered over ten thousand dead bodies at the scene. One local witness at a nearby pub claimed it was a Guinness record.
To be sure. I’ll let myself out.....
The TSA detained a passenger in possession of a slide rule, compass and calculator...
They said he was carrying weapons of math instruction, and was a member of the Alge-bra movement.
Passenger: "How long will it take the plane fly us to Paris?"
Stewardess: "The entire time, usually it flies the whole way."
After the pilot had a sudden heart attack, an air traffic controller had to coach a passenger in landing a cargo jet full of various cuts of select Kobe beef
The steaks had never been higher
News from a Brazilian tabloid: “Jhon Lennon kidnaps bus and passengers scream HELP”
"Attention passengers: I'd like to personally welcome you to my first day as a railway conductor. Not to worry though, you're in very capable hands...
I've been training for this."
My Uber passenger texted me before I pulled up to the pin...
I receive a ping 3 miles away as I’m approaching the ping I get a text “ honk your horn excessively until I come outside when you get to xxx address I’ll tip $20”. So I pull up to the pin and start blowing my horn for a solid min. My passenger comes out looking a little annoyed he gets in and we head to his destination. We pull up to his house and his dad is standing outside waiting for him, he greets him and asked how his ride was, he said the drive was great but the fucker blew his horn non stop until I came outside. His dad said that’s weird and handed me a $20.
Two Irishmen rob a grocery store of a pallet of exotic macadamia nuts to sell on the black market. They begin to argue about where to take the pallet when the passenger says "You're driving me nuts!" The driver replies..
Why did all the passengers on the right side of the ship have dead cell phones?
They weren’t on the port side of the ship.
A cruise ship passes by a remote island, and all the passengers see a bearded man running around and waving his arms wildly. "Captain," one of the passenger asks, "who is that man over there?"
"I have no idea," the captain says, "but he goes nuts every year when we pass him."
What do you call a multi-passenger vehicle that cannot travel to India?
A plane passenger asked a flight attendant, "How often do planes crash?"
The flight attendant replied, "Only once."
A passenger, in panic, asked if the airplane was going the right way
To which Yoda responded, “off course, we are.”
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandpa; not screaming in terror like the passengers in the car he was driving.
While driving past a graveyard I turn to my passenger and say “That’s a really nice graveyard but they won’t let me be buried there”
and when they ask why not, as they will:
BECAUSE I’M NOT DEAD YET.
Got my daughter with this once a couple of years ago; she’s still mad about falling for it.
Gotten my girlfriend with it TWICE. Yeah, she’s a blonde.
Reuters: An unruly Delta passenger was arrested after he wouldn't stop saying "I am God".
Apparently passengers turned on him after he couldn't deliver his promised miracles of working WiFi and a normal human amount of legroom.
What do airlines call their vulture passenger's luggage?
I keep a little rug on the passenger seat. It keeps me company while I’m driving and I give it a rub from time to time.
I work on the train and recently a passenger had a horse as a service animal with him.
Being very curious, I then ask "what service does your horse provide?" and the passenger replies "when I fall down it helps me giddy up!".
Last night I was finishing up pressure washing my driveway and one neighbor dad drove by and said “lookin’ good, great practice for when you do mine this weekend”, and then turned to his wife in the passenger seat laughing hysterically as she looked at him with a blank stare.
My daughter is at a seminar learning to instruct physical conditioning programs to locomotive passengers
It's called train training training training.
I got into a car accident and my passenger has never been the same.
I had a huge impact on his life.
My wrist feels like an underground road for vehicles with multiple passengers.
I think I have carpool tunnel syndrome.
The passengers who were quarantined from the airplane turned out to have the flu
Why didn't the passengers receive flowers when their plane landed in Hawaii?
"Hello passengers. This is your pilot speaking."
Me: I wonder why his parents called him Speaking.
What do you call an amputee riding passenger in a two-seater?
'Singapore Airlines records low passenger numbers on Canberra to Wellington flights'
Well then, I guess Singapore airlines did not get to CAPITALise on this capital to capital route
Read about another passenger behaving crazy on a plane
Must be something in the air
Overheard my Scottish passenger say this to his girlfriend while driving Uber today.
Driving them back to their house, he points over at a business and says to her "Maybe I should work for that company there?
She looks over and asks "Amscot?"
To which he replies "Yeah, I am Scot."
I laughed out loud.
I was in the drive through with my dad in the passenger's seat next to me
The total came out to $20.76 so I get 21 dollars and a penny ready. Just before I pay, my dad looks over to me and says that I should get something that every good football team needs.
The cashier hands me a quarter back.
When I got lost with my Dad as a passenger and ended up passing a cemetery
D: "What app do ghosts use to get directions?"
D: "Boo-ghoul maps"
Why is there always a passenger in an ambulance?
Because they are paramedics.
Driving next to a carpool lane with my dad as passenger.
"You know, if they cover the carpool lane it would be a carpool tunnel."