I would tell you a traffic pun but it would drive you crazy.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thatindiandood
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2018
🚨︎ report
A traffic jam
πŸ‘︎ 276
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RajuNeupane
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14
🚨︎ report
I got in a car accident with a snow man and wanted to warn oncoming traffic

So I put out some snow cones.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20
🚨︎ report
What did the air traffic controller say to the angry pilot?

Cool ya jets.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1m4h4x0r309
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
🚨︎ report
Let’s just ignore the fact that would cause mass traffic
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
🚨︎ report
How do you make a traffic jam?

With a traffic fruit.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GeneralMattsamus
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
I've just seen a traffic accident in town, a police car crashed into a fire engine.

I was going to call for an ambulance, but that might've been asking for trouble.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
LA traffic is reminding me why it's called the 405

Because anywhere you go, it takes 4 or 5 hours

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/egg27015
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
What does a crow with a jersey accent say to the man about to step into traffic?

"CAW! CAW!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LeWiggler
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
After the pilot had a sudden heart attack, an air traffic controller had to coach a passenger in landing a cargo jet full of various cuts of select Kobe beef

The steaks had never been higher

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ May 21
🚨︎ report
I saw Kevin Hart stop at a traffic light yesterday...

it was Hart braking.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aa_tree
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
Why did the traffic light go red?

Because it saw a pretty car.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/extremeavYT
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
I don’t understand why people like traffic jams so much.

They always line up for it.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrButter8
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
🚨︎ report
A lazy traffic judge told all the defendants to get in a line by last name alphabetically, and after hearing all the other cases arrested Jill Abbey

He found her to be out of order

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/darkstarman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
I was sitting in traffic the other day...

That's probably why I got ran over

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14
🚨︎ report
Why did the guitar player have to give up playing after the traffic accident?

It was a fender bender.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30
🚨︎ report
What do you call a depressed traffic jam?

Bummer to bummer traffic

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
A typist was involved in a traffic accident

White-out conditions blamed.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arceist_Justin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
They took down the traffic lights in my town

They sure have a roundabout way of doing things. πŸ€¦πŸ»β€β™‚οΈ

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bradb717
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
What did the traffic light say to the car as it passed?

"Don't look I'm changing!"

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the traffic light say to the car?

β€œDon’t look, I’m about to change!”

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NoNamesLeftPL
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Hate getting stuck in a traffic jam...
πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CanConChris
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Boy, this traffic is ruff
πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/br1sK_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Why do traffic lights turn red?

You'd turn red too if you had to change in the middle of the street.

πŸ‘︎ 92
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/whomikehidden
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Traffic is Stalin again
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Kush1000
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know why the amount of traffic accidents is so high in Washington?

Because the people there can't Seattle.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TinzaX
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What did one traffic light say to the other?

Don’t look I’m changing

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JackTMJones
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
After years of using dial up, I finally upgraded to high speed internet. I didn't realize the internet traffic!

But I was able to e-merge.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
An angry fruit yells at traffic in front of them

β€œMango!”

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/scrramblase
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Traffic was great today...

...everyone was there!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/spe_tne2009
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I jaywalked on the way to work this morning. A traffic cop stopped me and handed me a whale.

He said he was "giving me a cetacean for not crossing at the light."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/grecianformula69
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Isn't all marine traffic 'current'?
πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tanjently
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the traffic light turn red?

It was embarrassed to change in the street!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/_rollzzz_Royce_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I was sitting in traffic the other day

Probably why I got run over

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterbill
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and I were stuck in traffic. I said, β€œI’m turning round.”

She said, β€œI know. Stop eating bacon.”

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Today I drove to work and because of the chaotic traffic I ran my car into another man's. As he got out of the car I saw he was a gentleman of the smaller persuasion, a dwarf. He said "I'm not happy."

I asked "Which one are you then?"

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the traffic light say to the car?

Don’t look, I’m changing!

πŸ‘︎ 236
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Teron__
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the traffic light say to ther car?

"Don't look I'm changing!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Saw this in traffic, and was told to post here too.
πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RealitysAtombin
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2018
🚨︎ report
Printer or Traffic. This ink cause a jam.
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AristonD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
How was traffic today? It was stop and go.
πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oiyshi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
🚨︎ report
A traffic cop went to the trouble of leaving a note under the wipers to let me know I'd positioned my car correctly.

It said "Parking fine". So that was nice.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a brown delivery truck blocking traffic?

An UPS-trucktion.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nitro479
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
🚨︎ report
There's only one traffic sign that informs you and launches an investigation

Stop, A head!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/InspectorBugNuts
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2019
🚨︎ report
After being stuck in traffic for an hour, I turned to my wife and said, β€œThat’s it. I’m turning round.”

She said, β€œThen stop eating so many cheeseburgers.”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the traffic light say to the passing driver?

Don't look, I'm changing.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SammyWammyCammy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I present the traffic signs of Ohio
πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DesignDarling
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Got stuck in traffic on the mule carriageway.
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fofizzleshizzle
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2019
🚨︎ report
LA has terrible traffic
πŸ‘︎ 224
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ArtsyTLF
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2018
🚨︎ report
My buddy quit his job as an air traffic controller to become a monk, and now regrets it.

It’s like he got out of flying plans and into the friar.

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife and I were stuck in traffic for a long time. Frustrated, I looked at her and said, β€œI’m turning round.”

She said, β€œI know. Stop eating so much bacon.”

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Traffic on 90 is nuts today
πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lavenderived
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Stastistics show the most common type of weed found in traffic stops is Indica

I'll see myself out...

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
🚨︎ report
I don't like traffic jams.

I much prefer strawberry or raspberry.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
🚨︎ report
Last night I was late to a dinner with friends because I couldn't find any parking. Eventually, I just parked the car in a place with a lot of foot traffic.

It got toed.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SandJA1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call rocket traffic?

Space Jam

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ChunkyMonkey91
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
🚨︎ report
I was sitting in traffic the other day.

That's probably why I got run over.

πŸ‘︎ 82
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nickmidas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2018
🚨︎ report
What is a baseball player's favorite kind of traffic collision?

Hit and run.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/2friends_12pizzas
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2018
🚨︎ report
What did the traffic light say to the car? "Don't look! I'm about to change."
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SlashShades
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
🚨︎ report
I saw a huge traffic jam involving several semi trucks

It was a big rigamarole

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shaneyruadh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
🚨︎ report
As things go, green traffic lights are useful.
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the USSR have so many traffic jams?

Stalin

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dcapz87
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2018
🚨︎ report
I didn't understand my friend telling me the difference between a rotary and a traffic circle...

It was a roundabout explanation.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/atigges
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Traffic jam in IKEA
πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mikhaildaily
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2017
🚨︎ report
Kid's of Air traffic control employees must get grounded a lot.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MatticusPrime127
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2018
🚨︎ report
I got stuck in a high traffic area

turns out the Cannabis Cup was in town

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2018
🚨︎ report
I was sitting in traffic this morning when I noticed the guy in the car next to me was playing an electric guitar.

On the other side was someone doing the same, and behind me was a person on a full drum kit. In the car in front was a guy with a mic screaming out some kind of song. None of the cars were moving, they were all just rocking out playing music. It was at that moment that I realised I was stuck in the middle of a traffic jam.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chimpocalypse
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2017
🚨︎ report
The city council wanted to install a new traffic light at the busy intersection

They just needed the mayor to green light the project

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Traffic ticket in Atlanta

Watch out while driving through Atlanta, Ga. I hit a seagull, it flipped off my windshield and hit the cop car behind me. He pulled me over and ticketed me.

Whatever you do, don't flip the bird to the cops in Georgia.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/flaspike
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2015
🚨︎ report
I don’t understand people in traffic.

Like why they are so horny.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2018
🚨︎ report
I was stuck in traffic behind a big smoky truck today

It was exhausting

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheOtherHoboBeard
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I got stuck in traffic in downtown today.

It was a pretty city situation.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/takeonme85
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the traffic light turn red?

You would too, if you had to change in public!

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nickyniceguy1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the time Roger Daltrey got in a traffic accident while taking his children to school?

The kids were alright.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a droid that controls traffic?

R2-Detour

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/i_iz_smrt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2017
🚨︎ report
"Made it home early, traffic was really light today"

"it's all that lifting you've been doing at the gym"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/atworkitcansee
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2018
🚨︎ report
What do cows say when they are stuck in traffic?

Mooooooooooooooove!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Craiginator8
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2017
🚨︎ report
Why do UK traffic wardens have a yellow band around thier hats

So you don't Park your car on their FUCKING HEADS

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/craic-house
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2017
🚨︎ report
Traffic report

I heard on the radio that a truck full of terrapins crashed into a truck full of tortoises. The police said it was a turtle disaster.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dannybxx
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2017
🚨︎ report
As a traffic planner I was asked how and where I intended to improve flow through intersections. I pointed on the map and said,

"Roundabout here."

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2017
🚨︎ report
I'm sitting in traffic with my dad today when he scoffs, shakes his head, throws up his hand and says "look at THIS clown over here!"

I look over and there is literally a dude in full clown make-up driving a vw bettle next to us. Pop maintained a straight face through the whole thing.

πŸ‘︎ 319
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/robinson217
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2014
🚨︎ report
Air traffic controllers are hard to deal with...

if they don't like your approach.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2018
🚨︎ report
The other day my dad was driving down a highway in Canada and there was a cow in the middle of the highway blocking traffic...

Transport trucks were slamming on their breaks and cars were backed up. My dad pulled over and called 911, in which he explained the situation and said "I think you should come and have them remooooooved."

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/braidrie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2017
🚨︎ report
What do they call a traffic jam in the Lincoln Tunnel?

A Linkin Park

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthracite4
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2017
🚨︎ report
Why do intersections have two pairs of two traffic lights?

Because they are fourwarnings

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/falloonalan
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2016
🚨︎ report
From the radio traffic report: 'A lorry carrying ladders has crashed on the M6 motorway just south of manchester, and the cargo has spilled onto the road ....

The police say they're taking steps to remove them.'

Can't beat a good police dadjoke.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/8979323
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2017
🚨︎ report
What did the traffic light say to the car as it passed?

"Don't look I'm changing!"

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the traffic light say to the car as it passed?

"Don't look I'm changing!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the traffic light say to the car as it passed?

"Don't look I'm changing!"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the traffic light say to the car?

Don’t look! I’m about to change!

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MeHaveZeroFriends
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the traffic light say to the car?

Don’t look, I’m changing!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JG_melon
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2018
🚨︎ report
I was sitting in traffic the other day...

...but I got run over.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/That-Dom-Lane
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
🚨︎ report

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