My local barber was arrested for dealing drugs in my neighborhood.

I've gone to him for 5 years and I never knew he was a barber.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BusyPooping
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2021
🚨︎ report
Who do teachers blame when dealing with bad apples?

The Pearents

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Soulfox1988
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
A doctor was teaching a class, and wanted to give a pop quiz about tolerance and observance when dealing with the cadavers. (L) (On Mobile)

Teacher: β€œSo I want everyone to understand that a dead body isn’t disgusting, and we need to be able to handle it and always be observant at all times when dealing with one”

The teacher has everyone turn their body over

Teacher: β€œNow I want you all to stick your finger in it’s ass and hold it in there for a moment”

all of the students do as instructed, hesitant at first

Teacher: β€œOkay, now go ahead and pull your finger out and then put a finger in your mouth like I do”

The students getting a little disgusted by that request REALLY hesitated at first, but eventually they all did as he asked

As the teacher has all of his students with their finger in their mouth, he tells the class, β€œnow see it’s not disgusting if you did it right...if you put your index finger in the ass, and put your middle finger in your mouth like I did, you have just passed my class”.

With minimal observance, and a dead silent room...not one student passed the pop quiz

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wonkagloop
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2021
🚨︎ report
My boss told me to wear rubber gloves while dealing with customers this week. I told him β€œFuck that.”

I’m doing these prostate exams my way.

πŸ‘︎ 323
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WitnessChemical
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2020
🚨︎ report
So Poland's dealing with a surge in the number of the novel coronavirus cases. Can we say that the Winged HusSARS arrived?
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Niggociable
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My mother called the cops on me because she heard I was dealing coke in the neighborhood

I tried to tell her multiple times that I was working for Pepsi, but she just wouldn't listen.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OmegaLiquidX
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What happened to the crack-dealing demon?

Arrested for possession.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CheesusHChrust
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
It's been a lifelong dream of mine to live in a house with my own clone. But the science has just come out that most people would hate dealing with someone identical to them.

I just don't think I can live with myself after hearing that.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrFillywonk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does an ovum-dealing hymentoptera make things faster?

Because it's an egg-seller ant

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_ze_
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Dad’s are not the only one dealing with dad bods during the pandemic

Their sisters are also getting auntie bodies

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PLUMBUM2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Does anyone know what happened to that guy who got arrested for dealing oregano?

Last I heard, he was doing thyme.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cowimpersonator
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2020
🚨︎ report
Dealing with ED

Isn't that hard

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I danced around dealing with my obsession for years...
πŸ‘︎ 987
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ducksarewitches
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2017
🚨︎ report
Props to the school janitor for always dealing with your crap
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ItsEmeraldd
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Dealing with son's sexuality issues..

Son: Okay, so I would identify as bisexual.

Me: And that means you would have a male partner.

Son. Yep.

Me: Or a female partner.

Son: Yep.

Me: And that means you're bi.

Son: Yep.

Me: So that means if you don't find a partner you're on standbi?

Son: ..

Son: ...

Son: ..

Son: Did you just..

πŸ‘︎ 563
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ralphfaith
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2017
🚨︎ report
A patient bursts into a doctor’s office, "Doctor, I believe I'm a deck of cards!" The doctor calmly replies, "Go sit in the waiting room, please, I'll be dealing with you later." short-funny.com/best-puns…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call a drug dealing vampire?

Count Crackula

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChiZou11
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I really hate dealing with slimey stuff.

That shit always gets out of hand.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Extra_Rias
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Four hundred years ago, the pagan minority in Salem learned a valuable lesson about dealing with religious fanaticism

Be careful what you witch for

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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2018
🚨︎ report
I work for the NHS dealing with moving patients between different areas of the hospital.

It's a re-warding job.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/keithasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Most people get into dealing drugs for the money

I do it for the percs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/irlingStarcher
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Drug dealings in the avian world. reddit.com/r/birdswitharm…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Biz_Ascot_Junco
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
🚨︎ report
I wrote my strategy for dealing with a specific set of circumstances in a notebook, but my friend wrapped it in aluminium paper.

He foiled my plan.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I asked my friend, β€œHow are you dealing with your dog with no legs?”

He said, β€œIt’s no walk in the park.”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
🚨︎ report
Dealing with some shit

I live on a sail boat and started what I thought would be a small project. I wanted to ensure that my toilet plumbing was working correctly before having a guest over so I turned on my macerator and began pumping clear water through the system to clean the toilet and clear the system completely. For those that don’t know, a macerator is basically a garbage disposal like you would have in your kitchen sink buttttt for your poop. It cuts up your poop and toilet paper so that it can be discarded over board in smaller pieces. Of course the pump wasn’t working correctly so I detached some plumbing, looked into the macerator motor and got way more into it than I had planned for. My guest was on her way and I didn’t want to necessarily tell her what I was dealing with because I didn’t want to gross her out. When she showed up I was just putting stuff away and had finished the project. Of course she asked what I was working on, I proclaim β€œ oh I just needed to deal with some shit” and left it at that.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lzrdkng421
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2018
🚨︎ report
As a customer, you know you're dealing with a cashier who is really nice when she asks, "You know that's diet, right?"

As said cashier, you know you're dealing with a potential dad when he responds "No, miss, this is Diet Coke."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aRatherDapperFox
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Dealing with the arctic bomb cyclone (xpost /r/wholesomememes)
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Poppamunz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2018
🚨︎ report
It's a shame Aziz Ansari is dealing with a scandal from a first date

He should have known it was not the right Tom to Have her for dessert.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chileconqueso
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2018
🚨︎ report
I read a bunch of news articles dealing with lightning strikes recently.

I am trying to keep myself knowlegeable in current events.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2017
🚨︎ report
I've been dealing with confidence issues, so I bought a sauna.

It's so I can give my self a steam.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mkaic
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2018
🚨︎ report
While watching the elections i realized Trump was winning alot of states were Red. Guess you can say america was dealing with another.. Red Scare..
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ryuzaki650
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2016
🚨︎ report
Boyfriend's clever dad-joke strategy for dealing with my complaining.

After spending an hour cleaning a filthy fridge for the second time in three weeks, I was irritable and complaining loudly about all the nasty leftovers left in there. My boyfriend, trying to be cute, opens up a jar of pickled okra and puts one into my mouth mid-sentence...

Him: "Here have some."

Me: Sigh "Okay..."

Him: It's hard to argue with pickled okra...

...because it doesn't talk."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/navkat
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2014
🚨︎ report
Dealing with heartburn after dinner

http://i.imgur.com/XIsfNDj.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/deutschbag17
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2015
🚨︎ report

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