I've gone to him for 5 years and I never knew he was a barber.
The Pearents
Teacher: “So I want everyone to understand that a dead body isn’t disgusting, and we need to be able to handle it and always be observant at all times when dealing with one”
The teacher has everyone turn their body over
Teacher: “Now I want you all to stick your finger in it’s ass and hold it in there for a moment”
all of the students do as instructed, hesitant at first
Teacher: “Okay, now go ahead and pull your finger out and then put a finger in your mouth like I do”
The students getting a little disgusted by that request REALLY hesitated at first, but eventually they all did as he asked
As the teacher has all of his students with their finger in their mouth, he tells the class, “now see it’s not disgusting if you did it right...if you put your index finger in the ass, and put your middle finger in your mouth like I did, you have just passed my class”.
With minimal observance, and a dead silent room...not one student passed the pop quiz
I’m doing these prostate exams my way.
I tried to tell her multiple times that I was working for Pepsi, but she just wouldn't listen.
Arrested for possession.
I just don't think I can live with myself after hearing that.
Because it's an egg-seller ant
Their sisters are also getting auntie bodies
Last I heard, he was doing thyme.
Son: Okay, so I would identify as bisexual.
Me: And that means you would have a male partner.
Son. Yep.
Me: Or a female partner.
Son: Yep.
Me: And that means you're bi.
Son: Yep.
Me: So that means if you don't find a partner you're on standbi?
Son: ..
Son: ...
Son: ..
Son: Did you just..
Count Crackula
That shit always gets out of hand.
Be careful what you witch for
It's a re-warding job.
I do it for the percs
He foiled my plan.
He said, “It’s no walk in the park.”
I live on a sail boat and started what I thought would be a small project. I wanted to ensure that my toilet plumbing was working correctly before having a guest over so I turned on my macerator and began pumping clear water through the system to clean the toilet and clear the system completely. For those that don’t know, a macerator is basically a garbage disposal like you would have in your kitchen sink buttttt for your poop. It cuts up your poop and toilet paper so that it can be discarded over board in smaller pieces. Of course the pump wasn’t working correctly so I detached some plumbing, looked into the macerator motor and got way more into it than I had planned for. My guest was on her way and I didn’t want to necessarily tell her what I was dealing with because I didn’t want to gross her out. When she showed up I was just putting stuff away and had finished the project. Of course she asked what I was working on, I proclaim “ oh I just needed to deal with some shit” and left it at that.
As said cashier, you know you're dealing with a potential dad when he responds "No, miss, this is Diet Coke."
He should have known it was not the right Tom to Have her for dessert.
I am trying to keep myself knowlegeable in current events.
It's so I can give my self a steam.
After spending an hour cleaning a filthy fridge for the second time in three weeks, I was irritable and complaining loudly about all the nasty leftovers left in there. My boyfriend, trying to be cute, opens up a jar of pickled okra and puts one into my mouth mid-sentence...
Him: "Here have some."
Me: Sigh "Okay..."
Him: It's hard to argue with pickled okra...
...because it doesn't talk."
http://i.imgur.com/XIsfNDj.jpg
