I've been having an affair with my wife's siamese twin.

We're doing it behind her front.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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A nominee for director of the math department at my school was caught having an affair with her student...

They had to denominator.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrindoc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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TIL Elton John wrote an unreleased song about his short-lived affair with the lead actor in "Who's The Boss?"

He called it, "Hold Me Closer, Tony Danza"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SusheeMonster
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
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i once attended a black-tie affair in flip-flops

it was quite the sandal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
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My wife got mad at me for have sexual affairs with inanimate objects

I told her it was one night stand...

πŸ‘︎ 135
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2020
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Cheating is not affair game

I said to my cheating wife "Let's settle this in affair explanation!" She said "OK. I cheated on you because your heart were as cold as the North Poll!" I looked at her then said "I'm diss a pointed..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Titanium_Steel
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2020
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Last November 5, i was caught off guard when I was approached by a stranger angrily telling me to butt out of his romantic affairs.

As if i care who that Guy FΓ—Γ—Γ—Γ—s.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ganders81
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
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People have been able to change their big weddings to smaller affairs during the pandemic. But melons don't have that luxury.

They cantaloupe.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlwaysTheNoob
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
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I Used to Have an affair with some mucous

Could say she was an old phlegm

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AJAX214_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
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The divorce lawyer told me to get my affairs in order.

I said alphabetically or by age

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2020
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Three of my high school's percussionists were all involved in a torrid affair regarding the geometric shaped piece of metal...

It was an odd love triangle...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
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I’m having an affair with a tape measure.

It’s amazing the lengths it will go to please me.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
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I think my friend is having an affair with my wife

He seems miserable lately

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twisted_Taterz
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
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My boss is making me dig through a stack of hay bare-handed to look for anything that shouldn’t be there. I suspect he dropped his wedding ring while having an affair with the new girl he hired in the pile and now he is desperate to hide the evidence from his wife who might be on to him.

But I’m just grasping at straws here.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Propagansus
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2019
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After years of doubt I'm now convinced my wife is having an affair...

We've moved 250 miles north and we've still got the same window cleaner!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
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My wife accused me of having an affair with someone from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch

I said 'How could you say such a thing?'.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bhavv
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2017
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A family affair

My youngest was watching Netflix, deciding on a few episodes of Captain Underpants. In one particular episode, the titled character is forced to share a room with a clown. My wife, watching this show, laughs about him having Coulrophobia (Fear of clowns), and repeatedly panicking in subsequent scenes. Finally near the episode, she asks ,"What did that clown ever do to him?"

My response: "Nothing. He's It's Cousin. Pound Foolish"

Wife stares at me. Blinks twice. Goes back to watching the TV that has more comedy than her idiot husband

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coulrophiliac444
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2019
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My personal trainer was having an affair with my partner, James

Now I'm going to have to switch Jims

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whitebeaks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
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Have you heard about the sugar and cream love affair?

It's the icing on the cake.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2018
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"I saw you having an affair. Can you explain that, please?!" asked my wife.

"Yes," I said. "It's when someone is disloyal to their partner."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
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My dad has just described Syria as "Assad" state of affairs.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlexGalway
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2013
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Alice Roosevelt, daughter of Theodore Roosevelt, had a long-time extramarital affair with Senator William Borah. They had an illegitimate daughter together, Paulina Longworth, who Alice referred to as "Aurora Borah Alice" [from /r/todayilearned] en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ali…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emilvikstrom
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2014
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Did you have an affair?

I was describing a movie to my dad earlier today, and mentioned that the main character had an affair. He replied saying β€œno, he definitely didn’t have an affair, he's completely bald!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Illikis
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2016
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