I tried renting a bounce house yesterday. The cost was twice as much as last year...
That’s inflation for you!
He was renting the Tardis all along
My friend always prefers renting out his apartment to Chinese chefs.
They are usually lo mein tenants.
For some reason, I always have trouble renting trailers.
I can't seem to pull it off without a hitch.
My wife asked me what to do about renting a property to a couple who own a cat.
I shrugged and said, I dunno, urine charge...
My Dad was renting a car
My Dad was in the process of renting a car at the airport when the agent asked if he wanted to upgrade to Sirius™ radio. Without skipping a beat, my dad responded: "No thanks, I think we'll stick with the lighthearted radio today."
It went right over the agent's head.
A: "Thanks for renting me this apartment!"
B: "It was the lease I could do."
Where did the Romans go to rent their vehicles?
A blonde goes into a church and asks the minister, "How much does it cost to rent a church singing group?"He said,"Do you mean a choir?"
She said "Fine... How much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"
Me: "How much is the rent for this beautiful apartment?"
"Sir!! This is a liquor store "
When I was a poor, struggling actor, I had to take a job getting spanked in a BDSM film just to pay the rent...
...yes, I was really strapped for cash back then.
What do you call a guy who rents out his router?
Don’t ever go to the local mountains and try to rent skis.
You can only get snowbored.
Someone asked me if I knew where they could rent a 10 passenger van
I said I know where to rent the van but they had to find the passengers themselves.
Our landlord knocked on our door today and said that if we didn't pay rent, they'd turn off the heater tomorrow
A sketchy looking guy rented six smoke machines from my shop, so I called the cops.
He must be part of some extreme mist group.
Hippie gets 3 months late on rent...So the landlord knocks on his door to let him know he’s being evicted
He opens the door and tells him “Namaste”.
I keep asking my flatmate to pay his rent
And he keeps turning sideways to avoid me
Prom Night
A teenage boy is getting ready to take his girlfriend to the prom. First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.
I rented out a room to two beautiful Chinese Women..
They never complain, they keep to themselves and they always pay their rent on time. The only weird thing is they insist on paying me in stir-fry. But all in all, I guess they're pretty lo mein tenants.
Turns out there’s a group of people who believe the earth is just a rented apartment from galactic British overlords
My wife asked me if I wanted to watch Batman Forever on Netflix.
I said, “No, only for the next couple of hours.”
Rick Astley rents the movie Up from the rental store, 3 weeks later he gets a call from the rental store employees saying that his rental is 3 weeks overdue, what does Rick Astley say?
My landlord texted saying we need to meet up and talk about how high my heating bill is.
I replied back: “Sure, my door is always open.”
How many ants does it take to rent a house?
I rented a car with a wooden engine today.
I tried repeatedly but it just wooden go anywhere.
My neighbour and I became good friends, so we decided to rent a space together to park our cars.
We have....a lot in common.
My girlfriend asked if we could have an old movie night and watch “Gaslight”
I told her “we already watched that together, don’t you remember?”
How do you request for rented peas?
By saying "Pea-Lease"
(Thats if they rent peas)
I'm so poor that when I go on vacation
What is it called when someone rents a camp from the Boy Scouts for half a week?
I used to work as a chef and I had so many utensils that I rented a unit to keep them all in.
I was trying to get the rent for this month together, but my wife kept showing me clips from 60 Minutes...
I should have known she'd try to Stahl...
A buddy of mine only rents his apartments out to nuns.
Guess you could say he has a Sister complex...
The envelope to our landlord with rent cheques
I went into this video shop, and the man asked if I’d like to rent Batman Forever.
I said "No, just for the night."
What's the difference between a baby frog and a moths rent?
One's a tadpole, and the other is a pad toll.
How many insects do you need to rent out an apartment?
I rented a bulldozer
to get rid of all the small bumps and hills in my garden.
When i was done, it was even worse then before..
I cant even
I just saw 10 ants frantically running around my kitchen. I felt bad so I built them a small house.
Now I’m their landlord and I collect rent from my tenants.
Being uncomfortable with any physical contact, I decided to rent the book “How to Hug” from the library.
Turns out it was Volume 6 of an old encyclopedia.
The noodles that rented out my rental house were no problem at all.
I guess you could say they were low mein tentants.
Dad, I rented the trailer for just $49.99!!
"You could have bought the entire movie for less than that!"
I went into a church and asked the minister how much it would cost to rent a church singing group.
He asked, "do you mean a choir?"
I said, "OK, fine, then how much does it cost to acquire a church singing group?"
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