My sister's family lost their only income when his husband got fired from his job making shoes, baguettes and sausages.

He was their sole bread wiener.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sodrohu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Accountant: what is your gross income?

My dad: there's no need to insult my income like that.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
If a country’s main source of income is through horse sales...

...does that mean it has a stable economy.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bountybreaker15
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Why does being a prostitute bring in an inconsistent income?

Because business only comes and goes

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Someone told me their pre-tax income.

It was gross.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spinn3
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Just found out how I’ll be paying my income tax in my new job as an undertaker.

It’ll be pay as you urn.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/littleboypunder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2018
🚨︎ report
My daughter wants a horse...

But first we need a stable income.

πŸ‘︎ 73
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a person who thinks he or she has not earned enough money?

Income-plete.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
🚨︎ report
Offensive jokes incoming
πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/destructive_peae
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I became a professional fisherman...

But discovered that I couldn't live on my net income.

πŸ‘︎ 65
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Every year Santa delivers presents to the kids....

....based on what their parents income is.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A Bad joke incoming that a friend told me

Why cant we find good steak? -They are indeed very rare (I apologise)

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAuthor_1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
The most underrated part of being a cowboy...

...is having a stable income.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/weirdgroovynerd
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Due to covid most exotic dancers have been furloughed.

Basically, they’ve been stripped of their source of income.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chexmp
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Bad pun incoming
πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/b_vr10
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad joke incoming
πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nibble_My_Nabla
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Some punny jobs

WORKING ON A JOB

My first job was working in an orange juice factory, but I got canned I just couldn’t concentrate. . Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn’t hack it, so they gave me the axe. . After that I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn’t suited for it. The job was only so-so anyhow. . Next I tried working in a muffler factory, but that was exhausting. . I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn’t cut it. . I attempted to be a deli worker, but any way I sliced it, I couldn’t cut the mustard. . My best job was being a musician, but eventually I found I wasn’t note worthy. . I studied a long time to become a doctor, but I didn’t have any patience. . Next was a job in a shoe factory; but it just wasn’t the right fit. . I became a professional fisherman, but discovered that I couldn’t live on my net income. . I thought about becoming a witch, so I tried that for a spell. . I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining. . After many years of trying to find steady work, I finally got a job as a historian, until I realized there was no future in it. . My last job was working at Starbucks, but I had to quit, because it was always the same old grind.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TTMOfficial
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do innocent bakeries get mad by unwanted incoming calls?

Because they are on the doughnut call list

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/aparks1437
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Unexpected outcome
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Victor1113
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you say to your gamer friends about the incoming girlfriend call ?

Aah, call of beauty guys.

*Roger *

*Roger that *

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/music_snobbbb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2018
🚨︎ report
I always wanted to follow my dear Dad as a commercial fisherman..

But his Net income always put me off.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I was in my backyard in the hot tub last night enjoying the views of the incoming lightning storm not thinking of the danger.

And then it struck me....

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
🚨︎ report
I just bought an AirBnB for horses.

I hope it brings me a stable income.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boiler50
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the Lawyer say after having a tough financial year?

My income is low-er and this maybe my career's financy low-year.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nnntridib
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married?

FeyoncΓ©

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kaulmejitesh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
🚨︎ report
Where do you weigh a pie?

Somewhere over the rainbow, weigh a pie.

πŸ‘︎ 902
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Safety ratings

I work security at a large lab. We have a safety rating of green/yellow/red that we need to ask incoming workers. This occurred today when my co-worker greeted an incoming employee.

Co-worker: β€œHello. What kind of work are you doing today? Green, yellow, or red work?”

Employee: β€œI’m just going to my office to water my plants.”

Me: β€œThat’s definitely green work.”

Co-worker: β€œDid you have to?”

Me: β€œSorry. That joke was low hanging fruit.”

Co-worker: β€œReally?”

Me: β€œGuess I’m stacking them up like cord wood today.”

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/II_Confused
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did the Vice-president of the ants need two jobs?

Because he's the second income ant

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NeoMarethyu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Friend of mine posted this on Facebook

Working with dad today : Dad : 'here's sone earplugs mate. You're only getting two .'

Me: 'thats fine I only have two ears '

Dad :' not everyone has two ears you know , some people have three '

Me : ' like who ? '

Dad :' well captain kirk had one left ear , one right ear , and a final frontier '

And my disappointed face leads him into hysterics haha .

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xecuter88
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2014
🚨︎ report
Why did the horsekeeper stay at his job?

Stable income.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Klystron98
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
🚨︎ report
[request] puns involving spears?

I'm an incoming freshman for FSU and at my high school, they have the seniors decorate a wall with their name, the logo of the college they're attending, and a little phrase. Making jokes about native americans is a little distasteful, soooo I'm looking for some quality spear puns.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/that-broken-chair
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2018
🚨︎ report
How are Pornstars paid?

Income

πŸ‘︎ 231
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bmiller62
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when the IRS starts stuffing dead animals?

Income taxidermy

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZappBrannigansLaw
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad got me with this one.

I was talking to my dad about Africa, and I jokingly said that they should have some casinos to generate income.

Dad: They can't have any casinos that would stay in business.

Me: Why?

Dad: Because of all the cheetahs.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Maitlandius
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2014
🚨︎ report
Who makes more money, the fisherman or the lawnmower?

The lawnmower, he gets grass income while the fisherman gets net income

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/warmachine237
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
🚨︎ report
A penny saved is NOT a penny earned

A penny saved, is actually about 1.25 pennies, once you account for Income Tax.

[my dad works for the Canadian tax department (IRS) and he used to always say that when I was a kid. He thought he was very funny. I'm now starting to see the wisdom in that statement.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/patchy_22
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a crappy financial advisor?

An income-poop

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/changhaobyu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
🚨︎ report
I fold my weekly salary like pairs of pants...

The project is income pleat.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I dreamed of becoming a professional fisherman

But I found out that I couldn't live on my net income

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TehFuriousKid
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to be a professional fisherman

Then discovered I couldn't live on my net income

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
🚨︎ report

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