If a country’s main source of income is through horse sales...

...does that mean it has a stable economy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bountybreaker15
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
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Someone told me their pre-tax income.

It was gross.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spinn3
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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Why does being a prostitute bring in an inconsistent income?

Because business only comes and goes

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πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
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Just found out how I’ll be paying my income tax in my new job as an undertaker.

It’ll be pay as you urn.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/littleboypunder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2018
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Offensive jokes incoming
πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/destructive_peae
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
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A Bad joke incoming that a friend told me

Why cant we find good steak? -They are indeed very rare (I apologise)

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAuthor_1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
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I always wanted to follow my dear Dad as a commercial fisherman..

But his Net income always put me off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22
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Dad joke incoming
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nibble_My_Nabla
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
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Bad pun incoming
πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/b_vr10
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
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What did the Lawyer say after having a tough financial year?

My income is low-er and this maybe my career's financy low-year.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nnntridib
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
🚨︎ report
I just bought an AirBnB for horses.

I hope it brings me a stable income.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boiler50
πŸ“…︎ May 18
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Why do innocent bakeries get mad by unwanted incoming calls?

Because they are on the doughnut call list

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aparks1437
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2019
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Unexpected outcome
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Victor1113
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
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What do you say to your gamer friends about the incoming girlfriend call ?

Aah, call of beauty guys.

*Roger *

*Roger that *

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πŸ‘€︎ u/music_snobbbb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2018
🚨︎ report
I was in my backyard in the hot tub last night enjoying the views of the incoming lightning storm not thinking of the danger.

And then it struck me....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2018
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I used to be a professional fisherman

Then discovered I couldn't live on my net income

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2019
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What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before they got married?

FeyoncΓ©

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kaulmejitesh
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2018
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Safety ratings

I work security at a large lab. We have a safety rating of green/yellow/red that we need to ask incoming workers. This occurred today when my co-worker greeted an incoming employee.

Co-worker: β€œHello. What kind of work are you doing today? Green, yellow, or red work?”

Employee: β€œI’m just going to my office to water my plants.”

Me: β€œThat’s definitely green work.”

Co-worker: β€œDid you have to?”

Me: β€œSorry. That joke was low hanging fruit.”

Co-worker: β€œReally?”

Me: β€œGuess I’m stacking them up like cord wood today.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/II_Confused
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02
🚨︎ report
Where do you weigh a pie?

Somewhere over the rainbow, weigh a pie.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did the Vice-president of the ants need two jobs?

Because he's the second income ant

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NeoMarethyu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
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Why did the horsekeeper stay at his job?

Stable income.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Klystron98
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
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What do you call it when the IRS starts stuffing dead animals?

Income taxidermy

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZappBrannigansLaw
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Friend of mine posted this on Facebook

Working with dad today : Dad : 'here's sone earplugs mate. You're only getting two .'

Me: 'thats fine I only have two ears '

Dad :' not everyone has two ears you know , some people have three '

Me : ' like who ? '

Dad :' well captain kirk had one left ear , one right ear , and a final frontier '

And my disappointed face leads him into hysterics haha .

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xecuter88
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2014
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A penny saved is NOT a penny earned

A penny saved, is actually about 1.25 pennies, once you account for Income Tax.

[my dad works for the Canadian tax department (IRS) and he used to always say that when I was a kid. He thought he was very funny. I'm now starting to see the wisdom in that statement.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/patchy_22
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
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[request] puns involving spears?

I'm an incoming freshman for FSU and at my high school, they have the seniors decorate a wall with their name, the logo of the college they're attending, and a little phrase. Making jokes about native americans is a little distasteful, soooo I'm looking for some quality spear puns.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/that-broken-chair
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2018
🚨︎ report
How are Pornstars paid?

Income

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bmiller62
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2017
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Who makes more money, the fisherman or the lawnmower?

The lawnmower, he gets grass income while the fisherman gets net income

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πŸ‘€︎ u/warmachine237
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2018
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What do you call a crappy financial advisor?

An income-poop

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πŸ‘€︎ u/changhaobyu
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2018
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I fold my weekly salary like pairs of pants...

The project is income pleat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
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My dad got me with this one.

I was talking to my dad about Africa, and I jokingly said that they should have some casinos to generate income.

Dad: They can't have any casinos that would stay in business.

Me: Why?

Dad: Because of all the cheetahs.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maitlandius
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2014
🚨︎ report
Two livestock farmers were sat in the pub arguing over the government’s upcoming ban on exporting live animals...

The beef cattle farmer thought it was a silly policy and would greatly reduce his income from selling meat overseas....

The pig farmer disagreed, he thought it was a great opportunity for livestock farmers to benefit from higher profit margins in a strong domestic market with fewer overheads.

Feeling very passionate after a few beers, the beef farmer says to the pig farmer:

β€œThis time in 12 months, the government will have repealed this policy because it’s such a terrible idea... in fact, I’m willing to bet on it. If I’m wrong, and they don’t repeal it, I’ll give you my prized cow, Daisy. But if I’m right, and they do repeal it, you have to give me free bacon for a year”.

The pig farmer is confident that the policy will be a success and won’t be repealed. So he says β€œdeal”.

The beef farmer carries on:

β€œActually, I think this policy is going to be such a terrible failure that I’ll need to sell half of my cows to stay afloat... in fact, I’m willing to bet on it. If I’m wrong, and t

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dens382
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
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A short collection of fresh puns.

Most of this is my own work, if not, it was inspired by something clever!
I hope this will tickle your funnybone and produce a jolly good set of laughs.

A guy didn't register that the wet paint signs about the handrail was still drying, his hand immediately stuck to the rail. My only response to him was, well you see there, it's an application problem, not hardware.

A researcher's obsession with mixing sand, stones, lime and water has started to yield concrete results.

Eyeglass makers who profit well can frame their success.

Joe: I gave the backyard squirrels Christmas presents!
Abby: Are you nuts?
Joe: No, that's what I gave them...

What did the supervisor at the tortilla factory say at the end of a long workday?
That's a wrap!

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. (Insp)

People who don't answer the phone sometimes miss their calling in life.

His words were heavy, but his friends didn't get the gravity of the situ

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2017
🚨︎ report
I heard reusable diapers were much cheaper...

...Since the baby was born I don’t have much disposable income.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ouroborostoken
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Village Idiot Puns

Way back when I was a kid, for my school's Renaissance Faire-esque fundraiser, I went around wearing a sign that read "Vilage Idiot". When guests asked why, I'd reply, "I wasn't always the village idiot...

  • β€œI used to be a tailor... but it didn't quite suit me... It was only a so-so job.”
  • β€œI once was a lumberjack... but I couldn't hack it... so they gave me the axe.”
  • β€œI was a fisherman too... I just couldn't live off my net income.”
  • β€œI thought about being a witch for a spell.”
  • β€œI tried being a chef... but I just didn't have enough thyme for it.”
  • β€œI was a musician once... but I didn't accomplish anything noteworthy.”
  • β€œFor awhile I was a doctor... but I didn't have the patience to keep it up.”
  • β€œI once was a accountant... but I lost interest. The job was too taxing.”
  • β€œI tried moonlighting as a nun... but I confess, they didn't like my altar ego... or my bad habits.”
  • β€œMore recently, I was a baker... but I couldn't make enough dough at it... Guess I wasn't bred for the j
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ason42
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2016
🚨︎ report
Owning horses is a really expensive hobby

It requires a stable income

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dingo3737
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2017
🚨︎ report
The Cheerio Joke

Oh boy do I have a joke for you kids! Its called the cheerio joke.


So there is this land called cheerio land and in cheerio land there are 7 classes of cheerio, 0-5 and the frosted cheerios. Now there is this level 0 cheerio. Hes homeless, living out on the street, probaly an alchoholic. But he falls in love with a frosted cheerio princess. So one day he sneaks into the royal gala and goes up to the princess and asks her "will you marry me?" Now she says "I like your style, youre a good looking guy, a bit scruffy but I like you. Tell you what I will marry you if you can become a frosted cheerio" So our guy goes back with a determination and gets a job and starts to pay off his debts. Now by having a job and his debts paid he becomes a level 1 cheerio. So he works, and he works, and he works, and he WORKS and he finally becomes a level 2 cheerio. Now he goes back to the princess and askes her again, "will

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/t17389z
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2013
🚨︎ report
In the Zelda games people often keep money in plant pots

They are probably trying to take advantage of the urned income tax credit

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jagger2096
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2016
🚨︎ report
Dads thought's on retirement

Twice the husband on half the income

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nousernames-left
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2016
🚨︎ report
It's not Spam...

I emailed my dad a link to a copycat recipe of KFC's coleslaw, since he frequently tries to replicate it. He's very wary of spam and virus links, so I sent him a text to let him know the email incoming from me was legit, and I got back this gem:

Me: Hey, I just emailed you a link to a copycat recipe for KFC's coleslaw, and I just wanted to give you a heads up that it's not spam.

Dad: No, it's coleslaw.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/M_K80
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2014
🚨︎ report
Man dad-joked newspaper

Source - Pic Abridged version:

A man who dubbed himself Britain's biggest idiot after losing his wife after tattooing a comedy penis on his own leg is hoping to win back her heart by having it lasered off.

Hapless Stuart, 34, of Southsea, Hants, inked the six-and-a-half inch member on his left thigh, so the end pokes out of his boxer shorts.

"After I did it, my wife woke up in the morning screaming, because there was this massive penis poking out of the duvet. And the tattoo on my leg.

"It caused no end of rows, and she's now kicked me out of home. I deserve it, I suppose."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Retro21
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2015
🚨︎ report
This one was real sweet

My wife was making pancakes and she asked me to get out and warm up some maple syrup. As I started looking around for a receptacle and method to warm it up, she said:

W: Didn't we get a little pourer?

Me: Gosh no, I think our overall income has gone up, why?

Sad Trombone: Sad Trombones.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jimmyjames78
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad got me right when I woke up. . .

Dad: Did you hear about the guy who mugged a midget?

Me: No. (Groan incoming)

Dad: Well, he really stooped low!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theoden17
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2015
🚨︎ report
The Greatest Infidelity Joke My Grandfather Ever Told Me.

Recently, Joe has been under the slight suspicion that his wife is cheating on him. So, one day he comes home early from work, to his crap-shoot apartment on the eighth floor, and hears her scurrying around when he enters. Almost as if there's another person in the house. When he calls out her name she hollers back that she just ran into the shower. So he investigates the bedroom and encounters a shocking surprise... a pair of hands dangling from the other side of the window sill! Those of a grown man, hanging on for dear life. Infuriated at the sight of the man who's sleeping with his wife, Joe takes the bedside lamp and starts bashing the guy's fingers until he falls eight stories onto the sidewalk. Only he's still alive, writhing and broken. So Joe hauls the refrigerator from the kitchen out the window, sending it down onto the poor sucker, killing him instantly. Now the hysteria of the moment induces a fatal heart attack and Joe himself, dies. So now, as he's up at the pearly gates

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jazzinassazzin
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2015
🚨︎ report

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