I got fired from my job at the glass factory for failing to declare my expenses.
Apparently transparency is very important to them.
(I'll let myself out...)
What's it called when you make a joke at a dead person's expense?
What does the Joker use to keep track of his chocolate toffee bar expenses?
A campsite was forced to freeze its operations for a whole day when a spiteful customer paid his entire expenses in 5 cent coins.
The campsite reports that it is the first time that they've encountered such a tent nickel difficulty.
3 year old daughter had a joke at my expense
She tooted at the breakfast table and I told her to say "excuse me", and she did.
Then she says, "when you toot at the table you have to say 'excuse everybody'
Brutal.
Mom won Mother's Day at the expense of the church organist
Sitting in the backyard on a beautiful Mother's Day evening, the topic turned to our church organist who is absolutely awful and serves as the source of much pain and humor for my family.
Dad: After all these years you would think he would be able to play at least one song without a mistake.
Mom: In his defense, the pay is almost nonexistent. It's basically volunteer. So his heart is in the right place. pause His fingers just aren't!
Belly laughs all around. She was bright red laughing at her own joke. Well deserved.
What’s the most expensive haircut?
Why are baloons so expensive?
Why are bouncy castles getting so expensive?
A lobster and a shrimp opened a highly expensive pufferfish shop.
I guess selfish shellfish sell swell fish.
What country is home to the world’s most expensive rollercoaster?
What do you call an expensive car that can flex?
I don’t usually brag about going to expensive places..
But I just left the gas station.
What would you call an expensive muskox?
Double amputations are so expensive
I had one that cost me an arm and a leg
my wife said I had to choose between my two expensive hobbies: gardening, or audiophile
I agonized over the choice before realizing it was quite simple.
but of course, bose before hose!
Swimming with sharks sure is expensive...
It cost me an arm and a leg
Bird seed costs $25. Some people think it's expensive.
But I think it's cheep cheep cheep
My wife told me that my botanical garden was so expensive that it was preventing us from starting a family. She said I can either have a hobby...
Why are Tesla cars so expensive?
Because they charge a lot.
I figured out why Teslas are so expensive.
It’s because they charge a lot.
Three of the Teletubbies went shopping at the most expensive department store in town.
The fourth couldn’t afford to because she was Po.
My son asked me what the difference was between horsepower and torque. I explained that horsepower is often more expensive the greater the amount...
...whereas torque is cheap.
I know why Tesla's are expensive. They charge a lot.
Man, hot air balloon rides keep getting more expensive every year.
But I guess that’s just inflation.
I bought some really expensive, bendable rulers yesterday
I guess they were very flexy
What do you call really expensive Velcro?
Why are bull testicles so expensive?
Deer testicles are usually under a buck!
Why are new tires so expensive?
A lot of it is inflation.
Why is buffalo chicken more expensive than regular chicken?
Because buffalo chicken is harder to catch.
Expensive fruit. (iaio #100)
Bungee jumping is so expensive ...
When I have expensive medical bills -
Does that mean I had a valuable experience?
How did you find your steak?" asked the waiter of a patron in the very expensive restaurant.
Just luck," the hungry man replied, sadly. "I happened to move that small piece of potato, and there it was!"
I thought my dad spent all his savings on an expensive wig.
But one look and I realised it was a small price toupee.
I’ve just been informed that a distant relative left me a very expensive watch in his will.
I hope it’s not a wind up
I made the most expensive Mac & Cheese ever.
Why are bridges so expensive?
Darth Vader's suit seems pretty expensive
Must have cost him an arm and a leg
Do I think education is getting too expensive?
My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
I can’t afford expensive art
What do you call the world's richest elephant?
If Google released a really expensive watch
Buying one would be a Google flex
Why shouldn't you visit an expensive wig shop?
It's too high a price 'toupee.'
I read it's romantic to scatter rose petals on your bed, but they were too expensive. Instead, my wife and I will just have to make love on..
Everyone talks about Saudi's expensive tastes
Why’s Tesla so expensive?
Because they charge a lot
Why are Tesla’s so expensive?
Because they charge. A lot.
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