I went to the rock-wall place but my debit card was declined, so I had to pay with the coins in my car’s center console.

It was my climb-it change.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ‘€︎ u/CarterLawler
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
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I ordered some stuff online yesterday and I used my Donor Card instead of my Debit Card.

Cost me an arm and a leg.

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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Debit or greddit

Please leave a like

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/TopSwampT
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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Why do I put a condom on my debit card?

Filthy slots.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rippegari
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
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My wife swiped our debit card on my butt crack.

She said "transaction denied, insufficient buns."

πŸ‘︎ 88
πŸ‘€︎ u/FletchLives1980
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2019
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Waitress needed to rerun a debit card at the bar I was working at.

The waitress went up to the customer and said, "Hey, I'm sorry about this but for some reason your card didn't read, I'm going to need your card again."

I overheard this from behind the bar and said, "Amber, it's the middle of the summer, why in the world would this guy have his cardigan."

That was the first and only time I ever got a tip from a guy I never served or talked to.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ‘€︎ u/lordbearhammer
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2014
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Did Jesus pay for our sins in credit or debit?

Neither, he used praypal (Not originally mine its really old and i cant remember where i saw it, so the credit goes to that unsang hero)

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ‘€︎ u/The-dark-kings
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2018
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I ordered a reversible jacket online with my debit card from a company of ill repute (1 star on Amazon)

Hopefully it will turn out OK.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2018
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I was paying for my groceries with a debit card

The transaction didn't go through. There was a chip error.

Me: "Chip error?

That's funny, I'm not even buying any chips."

This produced a groan from the cashier and at least two people in line behind me.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pixelmorph
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2017
🚨︎ report
Setting up a direct debit...

Happened earlier today, Mom was on the phone trying to set up the direct debit payment with the phone provider.

Dad: "How's it going?"

Mom: "He (call centre employee) says he's going to send me a mandate to fill in"

Dad: "That's fine, but you're definitely not going on any mandate!"

Mother was not amused... I was...

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ‘€︎ u/DragonbornAgain
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2014
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My fiancΓ© just said this one. Me: A package came for our cat today.

FiancΓ©: Oh, I didn't realise she was ordering packages.

Me: She must've gone to the bank to get herself a debit card.

FiancΓ©: Nah, she just went to the neighbours tree.

Me: Huh?

FiancΓ©: The local branch.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ‘€︎ u/Maturius
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2020
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I just dad joked my accounting professor and made her cry from laughing.

Someone asked about extra credit.

Professor: "I'm sorry I don't give extra credit in this class"

Me: "yeah but do you give extra debit?"

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheAugustusCaesar
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2017
🚨︎ report
Pull out and pray isn't just my preferred method of birth control

It's also how I use my debit card

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
🚨︎ report
I sell a diet plan that is guaranteed to help you lose ten pounds a month

Simply set up a monthly Direct Debit for Β£10 to the following details...

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnnydarko-
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
🚨︎ report
My dad wanted to pay by check at a place that didn't accept checks.

He told the employee, "I'll be paying with check"

Employee: "sir, we don't accept check"

Dad: "no, I'm paying in check"

Employee: "sir, we don't accept..."

Dad: "check... Card. My debit card says check card on it"

No one laughed.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/finchrat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I work at a bank, sometimes it's fun to mess with people.

People often come up to me with their debit card and ask: "is there any money on my card?" To which I respond, "no.", without pulling up their accounts.

When they look at me with a confused face I give them their card back with a penny set on top of it.

"There! Now there is money on your card!"

πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ‘€︎ u/bobsquad
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2016
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My girlfriend who works in retail overheard a dad joking his daughter

A man is paying for his daughter's clothes in the store my girlfriend works at.

Girlfriend: Credit or debit?

Dad: C.O.D.

Girlfriend: ?

Dad: Cash on Daddy! (turns to his daughter and starts chuckling out loud)

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nyphur
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2015
🚨︎ report
70 years old and he's still got it

Decided to join my parents for dinner when my mother tells me she found my debit card in the washing machine. My dad says "you better watch out, you might get a call from the bank for money laundering"

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ‘€︎ u/mathmistress
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2015
🚨︎ report
I told my friend's dad that my new girlfriend can speak czech.

He replied. "Can she speak debit card too?"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/Yenaro
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2016
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My mother relayed this story from Christmas shopping with my father.

They get to the register, and comes the time that he's gotta use his debit card.

Clerk: You can swipe it now.

Father: Well, I thought I'd just pay for it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/silentxem
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2014
🚨︎ report

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