Debit Puns

It was my climb-it change.

Cost me an arm and a leg.

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Filthy slots.

She said "transaction denied, insufficient buns."

The waitress went up to the customer and said, "Hey, I'm sorry about this but for some reason your card didn't read, I'm going to need your card again."

I overheard this from behind the bar and said, "Amber, it's the middle of the summer, why in the world would this guy have his cardigan."

That was the first and only time I ever got a tip from a guy I never served or talked to.

Neither, he used praypal (Not originally mine its really old and i cant remember where i saw it, so the credit goes to that unsang hero)

Hopefully it will turn out OK.

The transaction didn't go through. There was a chip error.

Me: "Chip error?

That's funny, I'm not even buying any chips."

This produced a groan from the cashier and at least two people in line behind me.

Happened earlier today, Mom was on the phone trying to set up the direct debit payment with the phone provider.

Dad: "How's it going?"

Mom: "He (call centre employee) says he's going to send me a mandate to fill in"

Dad: "That's fine, but you're definitely not going on any mandate!"

Mother was not amused... I was...

Fiancé: Oh, I didn't realise she was ordering packages.

Me: She must've gone to the bank to get herself a debit card.

Fiancé: Nah, she just went to the neighbours tree.

Me: Huh?

Fiancé: The local branch.

Someone asked about extra credit.

Professor: "I'm sorry I don't give extra credit in this class"

Me: "yeah but do you give extra debit?"

It's also how I use my debit card

Simply set up a monthly Direct Debit for £10 to the following details...

He told the employee, "I'll be paying with check"

Employee: "sir, we don't accept check"

Dad: "no, I'm paying in check"

Employee: "sir, we don't accept..."

Dad: "check... Card. My debit card says check card on it"

No one laughed.

People often come up to me with their debit card and ask: "is there any money on my card?" To which I respond, "no.", without pulling up their accounts.

When they look at me with a confused face I give them their card back with a penny set on top of it.

"There! Now there is money on your card!"

A man is paying for his daughter's clothes in the store my girlfriend works at.

Girlfriend: Credit or debit?

Dad: C.O.D.

Girlfriend: ?

Dad: Cash on Daddy! (turns to his daughter and starts chuckling out loud)

Decided to join my parents for dinner when my mother tells me she found my debit card in the washing machine. My dad says "you better watch out, you might get a call from the bank for money laundering"

He replied. "Can she speak debit card too?"

They get to the register, and comes the time that he's gotta use his debit card.

Clerk: You can swipe it now.

Father: Well, I thought I'd just pay for it.