Did you heard about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?

They were Prime mates.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/woodybg
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
🚨︎ report
Whoever stole my Microsoft office account ID, I will find you.

You have my Word.

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Willow-wolliW
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the animals that shared an Amazon account?

They were Prime-mates!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
🚨︎ report
How do I delete my account on mobile?

Please

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crunchie_Napkin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14
🚨︎ report
There are historical accounts of Attila and his army seeing strange otherworldly ships hovering over the battlefields.

These were Hun Identified Flying Objects.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
I went to the bank teller and told him I wanted to change banks and open an account.

Man: No problem Sir. What’s the name of your previous bank?

Me: Piggy.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 31
🚨︎ report
It is a very little known fact that Boy George has an anonymous Reddit account

You might say he is a karma chameleon

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 25
🚨︎ report
What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?

Prime mates

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/misteruniicorn
πŸ“…︎ May 05
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?

They were Prime mates.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/harlienx900
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22
🚨︎ report
When you are in charge of the twitter account during national battery day
πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DidrikNL
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18
🚨︎ report
I changed my password to β€œCareful Baggage Handler” for my login account.

It said it is supposed to be case sensitive.

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19
🚨︎ report
If Post Malone died and his instagram account posted a picture of him to commemorate his death, then Post Malone would be posting a Malone post-Malone.
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OystersDryLancers
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
🚨︎ report
[Guide] How to delete posts on your Reddit account

[deleted]

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mooman219
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03
🚨︎ report
This account is gold @lackinhumor
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hicxs
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
🚨︎ report
I made this joke on my old account but I got a new phone so ima say it again... What do you call someone who immigrated to Sweden?

An artificial Swedener

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/good_old_jrmint
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
🚨︎ report
When I used beef stew as my password, my account wouldn’t let me.

Apparently it’s not stronganoff.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattBatz1991
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05
🚨︎ report
I had to freeze my accounts today.
πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yehyajb9
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is my bank account like a personals ad?

When I click on it there are fewer singles than I expected.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13
🚨︎ report
What do you call two monkeys sharing an amazon account?

Prime-mates

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SebastianLi1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2019
🚨︎ report
YouTube’s founder Twitter account:

1,920 Following 1,080 Followers

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
Me and my friend opened a bank account to save up for drugs

Is it a 'joint' account.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vinanthbharadwaj
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Today I opened a new bank account on the phone. Everything was done by protocall.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atanasA
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Demonic possession is just hacking someone's irl account

Remember, never tell anyone your soulcial security number

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Evanlyn_Winter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2019
🚨︎ report
The S/O let me know we’d made 4 cents in our mutual account...
πŸ‘︎ 64
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πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Register your account
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KevlarYarmulke
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I got a social media account a while back.

I regreddit.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RetroKev1
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My Reddit account has been hacked. If anyone gets a message from me about meat

Just ignore it, it’s spam.

πŸ‘︎ 281
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tomocusack
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Grandpa just got a Reddit account!

He wanted to find out how Carmel works

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SeatForHire
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the two monkeys that share an Amazon account?

They’re prime-mates

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jcorrado99
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My first hand account at getting dad joke'd.

I was working nightshift at McDonalds and a dad and his son wanted some ice cream, chocolate, specifically. The machine wasnt acting right so I interjected and said, "the chocolate ice cream works, it's just acting funny" and the dad swoops in and asks, "does it tell jokes?

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KyhberLovesMemes
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
To the man who stole my Microsoft Office account..

I’m coming for you, you have my word.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DuncanRG2002
πŸ“…︎ Apr 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Bank account
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bongnazi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Boy George has 5 reddit accounts and likes to switch between them.

He's a karma-karma-karma-karma-karma-chameleon.

πŸ‘︎ 263
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rc538
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I made an account called β€œhalf of all life” just for this pun
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/1dioticidiot
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?

They were prime-mates

πŸ‘︎ 87
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2019
🚨︎ report
When you open a bank account it's paused

That's why you gotta de-pause it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Arm3tt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I think my Ex is using my Amazon Prime Account..

I can't really accuse her, but she is the prime suspect.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Death_By_Pun
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Don't ever open a joint bank account with a cowgirl.

She might beat you to the draw.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My coworker told me someone hacked his FitBit account.

I replied: "I guess you'll have to take steps to correct that."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I checked my savings account yesterday....

It wasn't very interesting.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/virtual_no_body
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
I decided to withdraw all my money in my bank account into coins

I really need some change in my life

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheBritishSnob
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I was going through my twitter account, and remembered I write puns when I have writer’s block. Hopefully this counts.
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Otto-Erotic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a girl who has just deactivated her Tinder account ?

She is in Men-o-pause

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pavanrk1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
🚨︎ report
The local reptile show had to delay on account of misbehaving lizards.

They had a severe case of a reptile dysfunction.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drjohnson89
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What do they call a purportedly true, typically sensational, incident or phenomenon about which various secondhand accounts or anecdotes widely circulate in the Middle East?

A turban legend

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Subduralempyema
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandmother, a very devout member of the Spiritualist church, used to communicate with departed spirits at her congregation. Unfortunately, she passed away last week. By all accounts, it was a peaceful death.

Perhaps she'll be able to tell me herself at the funeral

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boganic-alcoholic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
🚨︎ report
When I told my son about the National Parks Service alt twitter account he said...

"Tree-va la RΓ©sistance!"

It was one of my prouder parenting moments.

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Amphibology29
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2017
🚨︎ report
Thought I got followed by the official Hanson twitter account

But it turned out to be an MmmBot

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lukeurmyson
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2018
🚨︎ report
My poultry business isn’t doing so well, my chicken account is almost at zero.

lol

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fus_ro_derrp
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2018
🚨︎ report
I created an account with a constipation help website.

I really like it, but I can't log out.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MelkorHimself
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Father-In-Law having trouble with Posts on his new Facebook account. [OC] [DadJokes] [xpost] imgur.com/a/h4UXP
πŸ‘︎ 276
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ultimape
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2014
🚨︎ report
Did you know Sean Connery has a special account for buying razors?

It's his shavings account.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zipperkiller
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Daughter leaves her imgur account signed on. Dad finds it and the dadjokes ensue.

http://imgur.com/gallery/hAwRk5u

πŸ‘︎ 345
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mac1822
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2014
🚨︎ report
I think my geometry teacher is onto my Reddit account

He hasn't said my name directly yet, but keeps asking me questions about whether "x and y lies on line..."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/darkrum
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm addicted to having money in my bank account.

I suffer from withdrawals.

πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/evilgeekwastaken
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2016
🚨︎ report
One way to solve the current water shortage is to integrate all Amazon Prime accounts.

According to Calculus, we will get an Amazon, plus a sea.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2018
🚨︎ report
ATM message after a failed Comedian tried to withdrawal from his account-

"Cannot withdrawal, insufficient puns."

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/king9510
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2017
🚨︎ report
What infection do you get when your friend discovers your reddit account?

Connorrhea. Fuck you, Connor. πŸ–•

Backstory: I received this message first thing in the morning in response to this post I made last week.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2017
🚨︎ report
My bank is no longer offering its new savings account

There was no interest

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/harrythehousefly
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2017
🚨︎ report
Me and my friend opened a shared bank account for buying weed

It'll be our joint account.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/airlancelot
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2016
🚨︎ report
Everyone should get a savings account with $1 in it

It just makes cents

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dxdrummer
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2017
🚨︎ report
I went on Tumblr for help with my Windows 10 account

They told me to check my privileges.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ledgo
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2015
🚨︎ report
What's the reverse of withdrawing money from your account?

Deopposite

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2014
🚨︎ report
Got my girlfriend with a couple while trying to open up an online bank account.

Her: We should get going.

Me: Hold on, I want to open this online bank account before they close.

Her: <sarcastic> Oh yeah, cause they close early on Saturday

Me: Yeah, they have to head out early to beat the internet traffic.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/neonoodle
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2015
🚨︎ report
My dad has an Instagram account. He posted this the other day and I thought you guys would enjoy.

Link to screenshot of photo

For those of you who don't click the link; it's a picture of my dad with a big piece of lettuce hanging out of his ear. The caption reads: I went to the doctor because of an ear problem. The doctor said, "It appears as though you have lettuce in your ear." "Oh no," I said, "Is it serious?" "Sorry but," the doctor said, "I'm afraid it's only the tip of the iceberg!"

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mekkasheeba
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2014
🚨︎ report
I haven't taken money from my bank account for a very long time.

At least I'm not suffering from withdrawal.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EatMoreCheese
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2014
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy that deleted his social media account?

They say he dropped off the face of the book.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Electro_Specter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2015
🚨︎ report
You should make a reddit account

"I don't have a reddit account."

"You should make one. Comment on random stuff."

"Why? There's no point."

"What do you mean? You get thousands of points!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HateGrassStains
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2015
🚨︎ report
Follow This Twitter Account For Semi-Daily Dad Jokes

@RonDawg64
https://twitter.com/RonDawg64

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/brthmrk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2014
🚨︎ report
This is What Happens When I Get My Dad a Facebook Account

My dad went to the store and since he now has a Facebook account he can share his gold with the world: http://i.imgur.com/C8QSjOH.png

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fourfourjew
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2013
🚨︎ report
My sister couldn't get into her bank account online

"Dad, I can't log into my bank account on here."

"Did you type your password in correctly?"

"Uh, duh."

"That's your problem, try typing it in right next time, sweetie."

groan "Oh my god..."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xgobez
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2014
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?

They were Prime mates.

πŸ‘︎ 131
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SubzeroMeltdown
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
🚨︎ report
What do you call two monkeys who share an Amazon account?

Prime mates

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/you_buy_this_shit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the monkeys who shared an Amazon account?

They were Prime mates

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sixfootninja
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call two monkeys who share an Amazon account?

Prime mates

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/scubbasteve1993
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call monkeys that share an amazon account?

Prime mates

πŸ‘︎ 142
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StanleySkillz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call two monkeys that share an Amazon account?

Prime mates.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ahturkleton
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2018
🚨︎ report

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