Why did the coffee file a police report?

It got mugged.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/red_snake0329
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29
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My grandfather died because the report said he had Type A blood.

Unfortunately it was a Type-O.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
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Teacher: Felix, when is the boiling point reached? Felix: Just after my father reads my report card.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/decentname99
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
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I asked my son how he did on his school report about Canada

He said he got an "eh".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/I_draw_the_comics
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
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An atom called the cops to report he had an electron stolen. The cop asked, "Are you sure?"

And the atom replied, "I'm positive!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GoodChadAndUgly
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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Owl to cop: β€œI’d like to report an incident..”

Cop: Giggling β€œDo you know HOO dunnit?” Owl: β€œSir, eight people were murdered” Cop: O_O

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlintTheDad
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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Sad to report the death of the founder of Dulux paint. He died this morning from hypothermia on top of a mountain.

It's been reported he could have done with another coat.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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Why did the fish have a bad report card?

because his teacher was crappe

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πŸ‘€︎ u/buddistnuddist
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
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I'm sorry to report that I lost both my feet to diabetes

I feel so defeeted.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/uneeq33
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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News report accidentally a pun
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Islarf
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
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A report just came out exposing how the government's mishandling of an explosive object could've caused the deaths of hundreds of civilians

It was a bombshell

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MRTJ115
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2020
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These are very important lab-reports
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/i_like_miniwheats
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
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Police report says someone was stealing rockwool from a construction site downtown.

Turns out it was an isolated incident.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reddnvb
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2020
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I've just got some new glasses, and when I first put them on, I could see tiny little people with wings at the end of the garden. I rang my optician to report the problem, but he said it was completely normal with these glasses...

They're fairyfocals.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
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TIL: 29% of people report having to use the bathroom right after drinking a cup of coffee

The other 71% that don't are full of it

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ironsights
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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The news always reports on violations of human rights

But what about their lefts?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/charons-voyage
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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I showed my mom my report card, she said that she needed to see more A's

I said OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ashwynee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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I was robbed outside and went in to report the crime. When I walked in, someone asked me what it was like outside.

I said, β€œit’s a bit muggy.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theRiverknows86
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
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What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?

She grated it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/franticsword
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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I wish I had something to submit my report in cursive

But all I have is a printer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/forrestree
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
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A news report claims terrorists have begun putting explosives inside cans of Alphabetti Soup.

If one goes off it could spell disaster.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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New report indicates widespread overheating at an alarming rate, mainly in stadiums

Must be the lack of fans.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Loosebutt
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
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I had to report a kid’s hair salon today

They were grooming children

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisvskris
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
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Hippie Weather Report
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ Apr 10 2020
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There are reports that, because of the covid outbreak, Rick Astley is hoarding copies of a 2009 Pixar film, and all albums by a southern metal band from New Orleans. He is not allowing anyone to borrow them. It's also said that Mr. Astley is refusing to go out and purchase cake for others.

To summarize:

He's never gonna give you Up

Never gonna lend you Down

Never gonna run around, and dessert you.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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My boss thought the spacing in my report was weird

But I felt it was justified

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadlifememes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
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My boss sent me an email in big, dark letters demanding that I personally deliver my report to him ASAP…

I’ve got to hand it to him, that was pretty bold.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CorbanzoBean69
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
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A historical report about Finland said that they all died...

They were Finnished

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thats-MEan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2020
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A status report from the department of justice
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mehssie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
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I read a report that said 100% of the world's major corporations had unmarried female as CEOs

It was a completely miss-leading report

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BitchyPolice
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
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There was this news reporter who enjoyed incorporating puns into their reports. One day, they had to cover the story of a mass stabbing. Unfortunately, the reporter couldn't think of a pun so they just sighed and went on to report the news how it was...

"Sorry, no pun n' ten dead"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fluffy627
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
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My teacher wants a report on America....

So I wrote an U-Ess-ay

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kool_Aid_Turtle
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
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Why did the coffee file a police report?

Because it got mugged.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/No_Hard_Feelings_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
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Why did the coffee file a police report?

It got mugged.

πŸ‘︎ 129
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imholt11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
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My grandfather died because the report said he had Type A blood

Turns out it was a Type-O

πŸ‘︎ 167
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Russell_Pinto
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
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My grandfather died because the report said he had type A blood

Unfortunately it was a Type-O

πŸ‘︎ 78
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fartingbeans312
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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Why did the coffee file a police report?

Because he was mugged

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SHeight06
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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The news always reports on violations of human rights

But what about their lefts?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/charons-voyage
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
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why did the coffee file a police report?

because It was mugged!

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JodeneBorg
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2020
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Why did the coffee file a police report?

It got MUGGED

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeletedForSpamm
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2020
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My grandfather died because the report said that he needed Type-A blood

Unfortunately, it was a Type-O

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/oldgenmemelord
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2020
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Why did the coffee file a police report

It got mugged

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jaackyboi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
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Why did the coffee file a police report?

It got mugged.

πŸ‘︎ 122
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
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My grandfather died because the report said he had Type A blood.

Unfortunately it was a Type-O.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2018
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Why did the coffee file a police report?

It got mugged.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
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What did the teacher do with the students report on the history of Cheese

She grated it!

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tricky_Nick007
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
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Why did the coffee file a police report?

Because it got mugged

^PS ^sorry ^if ^this ^has ^been ^used ^before

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nico_Di_Angelo666
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
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Why did the coffee file a police report?

It got mugged.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
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