My grandfather died because the report said he had Type A blood.
Unfortunately it was a Type-O.
π︎ 219
π
︎ Jan 07 2021
Teacher: Felix, when is the boiling point reached? Felix: Just after my father reads my report card.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jan 17 2021
I asked my son how he did on his school report about Canada
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jan 03 2021
Why did the coffee file a police report?
π︎ 134
π
︎ Nov 22 2020
An atom called the cops to report he had an electron stolen. The cop asked, "Are you sure?"
And the atom replied, "I'm positive!"
π︎ 51
π
︎ Oct 28 2020
Owl to cop: βIβd like to report an incident..β
Cop: Giggling βDo you know HOO dunnit?β
Owl: βSir, eight people were murderedβ
Cop: O_O
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 22 2020
Sad to report the death of the founder of Dulux paint. He died this morning from hypothermia on top of a mountain.
It's been reported he could have done with another coat.
π︎ 23
π
︎ Nov 05 2020
Why did the fish have a bad report card?
because his teacher was crappe
π︎ 7
π
︎ Nov 03 2020
I'm sorry to report that I lost both my feet to diabetes
π︎ 11
π
︎ Sep 29 2020
News report accidentally a pun
π︎ 15
π
︎ Sep 09 2020
A report just came out exposing how the government's mishandling of an explosive object could've caused the deaths of hundreds of civilians
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 02 2020
These are very important lab-reports
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Feb 16 2020
Police report says someone was stealing rockwool from a construction site downtown.
Turns out it was an isolated incident.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Sep 22 2020
I've just got some new glasses, and when I first put them on, I could see tiny little people with wings at the end of the garden. I rang my optician to report the problem, but he said it was completely normal with these glasses...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 14 2020
TIL: 29% of people report having to use the bathroom right after drinking a cup of coffee
The other 71% that don't are full of it
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 02 2020
The news always reports on violations of human rights
But what about their lefts?
π︎ 17
π
︎ Aug 10 2020
I showed my mom my report card, she said that she needed to see more A's
I said OKAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 10 2020
I was robbed outside and went in to report the crime. When I walked in, someone asked me what it was like outside.
I said, βitβs a bit muggy.β
π︎ 24
π
︎ Jul 26 2020
What did the teacher do with her student's report on the history of cheese?
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jul 24 2020
I wish I had something to submit my report in cursive
But all I have is a printer
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 28 2020
New report indicates widespread overheating at an alarming rate, mainly in stadiums
Must be the lack of fans.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jul 02 2020
A news report claims terrorists have begun putting explosives inside cans of Alphabetti Soup.
If one goes off it could spell disaster.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jul 09 2020
I had to report a kidβs hair salon today
They were grooming children
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jul 01 2020
Hippie Weather Report
π︎ 12
π
︎ Apr 10 2020
There are reports that, because of the covid outbreak, Rick Astley is hoarding copies of a 2009 Pixar film, and all albums by a southern metal band from New Orleans. He is not allowing anyone to borrow them. It's also said that Mr. Astley is refusing to go out and purchase cake for others.
To summarize:
He's never gonna give you Up
Never gonna lend you Down
Never gonna run around, and dessert you.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 23 2020
My boss thought the spacing in my report was weird
But I felt it was justified
π︎ 17
π
︎ Feb 20 2020
My boss sent me an email in big, dark letters demanding that I personally deliver my report to him ASAPβ¦
Iβve got to hand it to him, that was pretty bold.
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 10 2020
A historical report about Finland said that they all died...
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 23 2020
A status report from the department of justice
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 19 2019
I read a report that said 100% of the world's major corporations had unmarried female as CEOs
It was a completely miss-leading report
π︎ 4
π
︎ Apr 26 2020
There was this news reporter who enjoyed incorporating puns into their reports. One day, they had to cover the story of a mass stabbing. Unfortunately, the reporter couldn't think of a pun so they just sighed and went on to report the news how it was...
"Sorry, no pun n' ten dead"
π︎ 21
π
︎ Feb 25 2020
My teacher wants a report on America....
π︎ 3
π
︎ Feb 23 2020
Why did the pretzel file a police report?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 26 2019
My grandfather died because the report said he had Type A blood
Turns out it was a Type-O
π︎ 171
π
︎ Nov 27 2020
My grandfather died because the report said he had type A blood
Unfortunately it was a Type-O
π︎ 78
π
︎ Sep 29 2020
Why did the coffee file a police report?
π︎ 16
π
︎ Aug 22 2020
The news always reports on violations of human rights
But what about their lefts?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 10 2020
why did the coffee file a police report?
π︎ 28
π
︎ May 12 2020
Why did the coffee file a police report?
π︎ 19
π
︎ Apr 04 2020
My grandfather died because the report said that he needed Type-A blood
Unfortunately, it was a Type-O
π︎ 18
π
︎ Mar 21 2020
Why did the coffee file a police report
π︎ 53
π
︎ Jan 06 2020
Why did the coffee file a police report?
π︎ 119
π
︎ Nov 09 2019
My grandfather died because the report said he had Type A blood.
Unfortunately it was a Type-O.
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Feb 11 2018
Why did the coffee file a police report?
π︎ 32
π
︎ Nov 10 2019
Why did the coffee file a police report?
Because it got mugged
^PS ^sorry ^if ^this ^has ^been ^used ^before
π︎ 21
π
︎ Feb 15 2020
What did the teacher do with the students report on the history of Cheese
π︎ 29
π
︎ Nov 21 2019
Why did the coffee file a police report?
π︎ 12
π
︎ Nov 05 2019
Why did the coffee file a police report?
π︎ 26
π
︎ Oct 30 2019
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