A doctor is reviewing test results with his patient...

Doctor: I'm afraid you've tested positive for herpes.

Patient: I knew that one of these days I'd end up with a fungal infection.

Doctor: Actually, it's viral.

Patient: Yeah, but I got it from a fun gal.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zamundan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Why haven’t aliens visited our Solar System yet?

They looked at the reviews... only 1 star

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Belpix0
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Book review: 1 star

I've just finished reading Great Expectations and I have to say I was a little disappointed.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/viWily
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
A disgruntled employee of an axe throwing establishment was leaving one-star Yelp reviews

Apparently it was a real hatchet job

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/P8ntballz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I was asked if I wanted to review my new drop saw.

Mitres well

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NZn3rd
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Bonnie Tyler's new range of biscuits have received good reviews

They're good dunkers, but every now and then they fall apart

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elbobby89
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2020
🚨︎ report
"Do you know what?"

My kids have gotten to saying this a bunch, so now I reply like a dad...

"Oh ya! We went to the same New Year's party once."

"Sure! He makes the best crab dip."

"Big beard? Lousy tipper?"

"The tattoo guy?"

"Biblically."

"Gave him a 5-star Uber review."

"He was the best man at my wedding."

"I think I owe him $20."

"The bouncer at the club!? How do YOU know him?"

"Doesn't he work at the bakery next to PetSmart?"

"I heard he once punched a cop and broke his nose!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/uncorked119
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?

Great food, no atmosphere!

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheVengefulKitten
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
"We're here to offer support, not to grill you," they said at my review meeting.

"Like a bra, not a braai"

  • Based on true events. I had to stop myself from blurting that out.

  • Thanks to u/rumbustiousben for reminding me that not everyone knows what a braai is - it's a barbecue in Afrikaans and commonly used as part of English by South Africans

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wcsoon
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Roses are dead, Violets are dead...

I’m shit at gardening.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2021
🚨︎ report
After getting a lot of negative reviews due to their rather poor string section, the LAPD Police Band decided to lose all the strings from their performances.

It was finally the long-awaited end of police violins.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OlaviVirtahepo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
🚨︎ report
So I just got back from watching the new Christopher Nolan movie. Here's my short review..

Tenet of ten.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Digitek50
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Orions belt does not have the best reviews in the universe...

...cause it only has a three star rating!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/space0watch
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My gun and vacuum store doesn’t get really good reviews.

It seems to Suck and Blow.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/robindc_93
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Informative product review
πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sergeant_RL-3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2018
🚨︎ report
There’s a new Apple service for leaving angry reviews.

iRate.

πŸ‘︎ 319
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punnygeist
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
A nuclear power plant put up a new sign outside that read, "Post your positive reviews of us on social media!"

They were just fission for compliments.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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My dad lost his job at the sausage factory today. They told him at his performance review...

You're the wurst

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/byte_marx
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Sitting around watching the birds crowd around the bird feeder,

My brother says, "Someone must have left a good Yelp review." I said, "Yeah, somebody tweeted about it."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
i was reading Yelp reviews of local mortuaries

found one that was rated cad-average.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Why is research more trustworthy if it comes from France?

It's Pierre-reviewed.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pretzelzetzel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I was reading a book on Helium

I couldn't put it down

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Reviewers weren’t very kind to the new Surface Pro X.

It’s a fanless device.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/geometer2015
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2020
🚨︎ report
The moment I learned that β€œphα»Ÿβ€ is actually pronounced β€œfuh,” I knew the time was ripe to write a Google review for my all-time favourite phở restaurant. (I guess this qualifies more as β€˜racy wordplay’ than it does β€˜punny’?)
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/70M70M
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I've been in the market for a new whiteboard, but I don't think I can trust the online reviews.

They all say the product is remarkable.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
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I have a medical journal joke

But it’s still under review

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Josentangles
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Tech reviewers are just waiting for Samsung to release a mediocre new Note device just to say "It's not noteworthy"
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fakt_adolf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My review for a hotel run by pigs:

Great hogspitality; 5 stars

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ Feb 29 2020
🚨︎ report
after the dam failed, the engineer thought he'd lost his job for sure

but at the performance review he was consoled by his boss, "it's all just water under the bridge"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/berninicaco3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My favourite film reviewer is John Williams.

He just loves to score movies

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShiftyMcShift
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
🚨︎ report
An accountant was under review at his firm

He was asked the value of a dozen dozens, to which he promptly replied "132", instead of 144.

He was fired for gross misrepresentation.

πŸ‘︎ 179
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlduinIsAGeordie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the new movie, "Constipation"?

It's not coming out any time soon but early critics are giving it shit reviews.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiamondChocobos
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Just went to a restaraunt on the moon

Wouldn't go again no atmosphere

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Heavenlygazer21
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Bill Nye has a daughter who doesn't believe in science.

Her name is Dee.

πŸ‘︎ 454
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArshmanR
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2019
🚨︎ report
I think tech YouTubers should be reviewing new shovels when new ones come out.

The technology in those things are ground breaking.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LuferLad
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Asked an Alien why they never visits us.

''bad reviews, only one star''they said.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PlankenSonja
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a machine that can read books and make reviews about them, but sadly can only detect red font?

An InkRedible machine

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Why haven't aliens visited our solar system yet?

They looked at the reviews, but we only had one star

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Termin201
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Why haven't the aliens visited earth yet?

They read the reviews... only one star

πŸ‘︎ 103
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tawzeeh
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Why haven’t aliens visited our solar system yet?

They looked at the reviews first...... only 1 star

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/callmekrusty
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Why haven’t aliens visited our solar system?

They looked at our reviews: only 1 star.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/singh_j
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report

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