So, I read a study the other day claiming that "humans eat more bananas than monkeys".

Which - to me - sounded a bit obvious. I can't remember the last time I ate a monkey.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yupitsnoone
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
🚨︎ report
I wrote a card for my friend who just graduated high school and wants to study geology and/or paleontology in college. She also likes puns :)
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Neutrinoccino
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26
🚨︎ report
I got picked for this five-day-a-week, year-long sleep study. It pays $15,000 a month.

It’s my dream job.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
I have decided to go to a city in SW France to study history and art.

I figure, what do I have Toulouse.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25
🚨︎ report
I had this blood test last week and didn't study

Good thing I managed to get a B+

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iyxnoluwa
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who studies ancient Egyptian plumbing?

A Pharaoh Faucet Major.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/berryville_con
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11
🚨︎ report
Studies show habitual marijuana smokers have increased saliva production

When asked if there was any prevention, scientists stated you can either spit or get off the pot.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WaxEcho
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26
🚨︎ report
Studies show alcoholic law students...

...are more likely to have trouble passing the bar.

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pvc
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12
🚨︎ report
Study’s show people who suffer insomnia are really into there research.

They won’t rest until they find a cure.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Woof_574
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10
🚨︎ report
How often do people who study scientific elements tell dad jokes?

Periodically

πŸ‘︎ 85
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MansNotHot772
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14
🚨︎ report
A geology/geography/aerodynamics study that a sandstorm in Africa can blow sand and dust as far as to even Florida

So anyways, I dust the grains down from africa

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15
🚨︎ report
New study determines what 99% of kids homeschool hate the most

Their teacher

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jvanzandd
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28
🚨︎ report
Barnyard studies have consistently found

that two out of three pigs use inferior building materials.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Carpicon
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23
🚨︎ report
According to a recent study, 9 out of 10 people who are afraid of hurdles....

Never get over it.

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/habsfan1112
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23
🚨︎ report
What do you study in music college?

A major

πŸ‘︎ 90
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phagocitosis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
Recent studies show Earth’s magnetic field is weakening.

Current events make it less attractive.

All hail The Double Pun. Mic drop

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/holymolybreath
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
No matter how hard I study farming and angles, I’m doomed to be an amateur.

I’ll never be a protractor.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tvkyle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
Accordion to a recent study, 90% of people didn’t realize

I put an instrument at the start of this sentence.

πŸ‘︎ 159
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/revaforce
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15
🚨︎ report
I specialize in the study of swear words from the 1800s...

I'm a geeologist.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
There was a recent study done on a baby's first words.

It had some interesting dada to go by.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deadbonbon
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
The detective bent over to study a clue just as an unknown projectile whizzed by

He sensed something amiss

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/s7evenofspades
πŸ“…︎ May 07
🚨︎ report
I got a fish to help me study

I am now working more effishiently!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AeliosZero
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20
🚨︎ report
What do you call someone who dedicates their life to the study of the eye?

A pupil!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_Pluses
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16
🚨︎ report
I was going to study the art of treating the body by rubbing and kneading my wife's body to stimulate circulation...

But then I found out that would be massage-ony.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19
🚨︎ report
Today I did a study on e. coli

I made a pretty shitty report

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Datruedabking
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28
🚨︎ report
A new study shows 9/10 people who are afraid of hurdles...

Never get over it.

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BigZ41
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I came across a really good study about procrastination...

I might get around to reading it later.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/torontosparky
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03
🚨︎ report
What do you call a place that studies dogs?

A labratory.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/emjay144
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2019
🚨︎ report
If one studies geometry, does that make them racist?

After all, they become arean.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02
🚨︎ report
Studies have shown that 4 out of 5 men will suffer from diarrhea at some point in their lives...

Why are 1 out of 5 men enjoying it?

πŸ‘︎ 124
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/B-man44
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Ice is such a hard thing to study

Its such a slippery element to grasp

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nativejoel
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2019
🚨︎ report
A recent study in America asked people their preferred butter

48% of Americans chose real butter, whilst the other 51% opted for a substitute.

The study concluded that imitations are only margarineally butter.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/a_wild_redditer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
🚨︎ report
A new study reveals that listening to a Queen album might be bad for your health.

Because of the unusually high Mercury content.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Studies show that 4 out of 5 men suffer from diarrhea at some point in their life.

Why are 1 out of 5 men enjoying it?

πŸ‘︎ 93
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2019
🚨︎ report
A person who studies how nut allergies effect the human body

Are they known as a Nutty Professor?

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Deadly_R
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
My aunt has been inviting several unmarried female friends over to study the Bible and pray a few times a week.

I told her not to make it a habit.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/huuhhhh
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Organic chemistry is difficult. They who study it have alkynes of trouble
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Poodipie69
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call the study of remorse?

Apology

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Whydothisgod170
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2019
🚨︎ report
After graduating from high school, my daughter moved away from home to study at university. She sent this letter home to me…

Dear Dad,

University i$ really great.

I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.

With all my $tuff, I $imply Β’an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love, your $usie.

I immediately replied back…

Dear Susie,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy.

Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love, Dad

πŸ‘︎ 354
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is a bowling alley the best place to study?

It's so quiet that you can hear a pin drop.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Soylent_X
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2019
🚨︎ report
A new study is showing surprising advances in primate evolution: Dr. Thomas Ink, a researcher in southern Africa has found certain groups of apes 'brewing' alcohol by leaving old fruit to stand in water pools then drinking from it and becoming inebriated.

Dr. Ink has dubbed these 'Monkey Bars'.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pparten
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Studies can be pun as well
πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hamees007
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Why aren’t scientists who study dinosaurs be short?

Because they’re PaleonTALLogists.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ToastedSoaps
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2019
🚨︎ report
TIL: A recent study found that the newest strain of head lice is resistant to conventional treatment.

That left scientists scratching their heads.

πŸ‘︎ 271
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What science studies Canadian people?

Anthr-apology

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The0minous
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Studies have shown that

the people who rely on statistics are wrong 76.5% of the time ...

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/afarro
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2019
🚨︎ report
A recent study has discovered a new strain of lice that is resistant to conventional treatment.

That has left scientists scratching their heads.

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2019
🚨︎ report
I personally hate the term β€˜study abroad’.

It’s 2019 - it should be called β€˜study a woman’.

EDIT: It’s 2019 - it should be called β€œWomen’s Studies” now. (Punchline polishing by /u/NoodlesRomanoff)

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Son trying to figure out what to study?

My son came to me the other day asking what I thought he should study in college.

I asked what he thought he wanted to do, he replied he thought about being a Medical Examiner.

Told him he should reconsider as I heard the field was dead.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2019
🚨︎ report
A recent study found out how much sleep a normal teenager needs.

Just five more minutes.

πŸ‘︎ 407
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Studies show cows produce more Milk when the Farmer talks to them.

It’s a case of in one ear and out the udder

πŸ‘︎ 396
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperSaiyanBen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2018
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine was trying to decide whether to study art or philosophy.

I told him he should draw a conclusion.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/emjay144
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you study chemistry?

Periodically...

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tigger3370
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
In college, I took many classes on the study of past events surrounding scraps of food from a meal

I even changed my major to Ort History!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do the most successful artists study?
πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AmethystMonkey
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Studies show men don’t get enough fiber in their diet

Tough shit

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ray1022
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2019
🚨︎ report
What did Watson and Crick study when they discovered DNA?

Rosalind Franklin’s notes.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
A study shows that 60% of studies are fake
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jimmyshouseoffun
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I like dolphins and was going to study cetology in college...

...but after awhile, I saw no porpoise in it.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lykanthrocide
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2019
🚨︎ report
Studies say it’s hard to breathe fast while your tongue is out

Good dog

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/paoerfuuul
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
🚨︎ report
A recent study shows that watching Bohemian Rhapsody multiple times might not be good for your health.

Because of the unusually high Mercury content.

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
A recent study shows humans eat more bananas than monkeys.

I don’t even remember the last time I ate a monkey.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stefanopolis
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Study tip: Don't drink water while studying

Because water decreases concentration.

πŸ‘︎ 88
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maximmilliam
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
🚨︎ report
A new study has found that white envelopes tend to be delivered faster than envelopes of any other colour

I guess you could say that there's...

white mail privilege

πŸ‘︎ 82
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PinguTheBrave
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Recent study shows leading cause of dehydration in children:

Bedtime

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SarcasticaFont
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Studies show that Australians rarely ever have sexual intercourse,

but when they do

Australians mate

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AFGClips
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm thinking of moving to Europe to study different types of bacteria.

I figure the best place to begin would be Germany.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kttypo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
🚨︎ report
A recent study shows that students of pot smoking professors live longer than average.

Their pupils die late.

πŸ‘︎ 186
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm freaking out because I didn't study for my ornithology exam.

Guess I'll just have to wing it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BizzareCzar
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2019
🚨︎ report
A recent statistical study shows that 20% of the people...

...Are two tense!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Studies show that teenagers using nitrous oxide gas are at a record high

It’s no laughing matter

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnypope89
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad asked me what I would study at university. I said I enjoyed learning about the reproductive system.

"Have you ever thought about sex ed?" he asked.

"Who hasn't?" I replied. "And my name isn't Ed."

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
The studies show it, so it's true

Recent studies have found that 99% of statistics are false

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/snowdaddyOU812
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report
A recent study shows that the number of people who enjoy horror films has gone up by more than 30%.

That’s a frightening statistic.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Most children in trailer-parks suffer from neglect a new study finds

They are raised in idontcareavans

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_Snipes
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
🚨︎ report
People often ask me why I study economics

And I tell them because if it doesn't make sense it doesn't makes dollars

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thatsashirt
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call the study of ants?

An-ant-omy.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tomdoesstuffyt
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
🚨︎ report
What do scientists use to study high speed objects running into each other from a safe distance?

A collideoscope

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LeafyOneTwo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2018
🚨︎ report
My son said he wants to study abroad next term

So I asked him for her name.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_realest_GOAT
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I don't understand why we study circles in geometry.

They're pointless.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JG_melon
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2019
🚨︎ report
What happens if you get a question about communism on the Social Studies test?

You're likely to lose Marx

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lp37451
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
🚨︎ report
My surf buddy got accepted to Columbia University to study Journalism

He’s very passionate about current events.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jiggyjigster
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Studies show that 4 out of 5 men suffer from diarrhea at some point in their life.

Why are 1 out of 5 men enjoying it??

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2018
🚨︎ report
After graduating from high school, my daughter moved away from home to study at university. She sent this letter home to me…

Dear dad,

University i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. With all my $tuff, I $imply Β’an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love, your $usie

I immediately replied back…

Dear Susie,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love, dad

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
After graduating from high school, my daughter moved away from home to study at university. She sent this letter home to me…

Dear dad,

University i$ really great.

I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.

With all my $tuff, I $imply Β’an't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.

Love, your $usie.

I immediately replied back…

Dear Susie,

I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an hoNOr student busy.

Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble task, and you can never study eNOugh.

Love,

dad

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2017
🚨︎ report

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