Last week, I tried out ten new puns
To see if they’d make people laugh... but no pun intended!
Looking for a new pun tat
I already have a bee on my butt-cuz when I do the sizzle finger thing I say it stings beeing this hot
A pacifier on my middle finger- for the suckers
I am hoping to get a fly in a suit soon holding some jars of honey- cuz you can catch a fly with honey but you can catch more hunnys being fly
Any other ideas would be appreciated
My wife asked if I was going to get new puns now that I'm a dad.
I told her the old ones just get grandfathered in.
My new pun...
If you're a Muslim scholar on the side, would that be Allah carte?
Comment with any new puns below
Did you see the new puns subthread?
BREAKING NEWS: A man has learned how to do origami backwards!
More on this story as it unfolds
BREAKING NEWS: Scientists launch sneak attack on the periodic table.....
Add the element of surprise.
Breaking News: Archaeologists believe that they've uncovered a cache of pencils that belonged to William Shakespeare. A spokesperson for the dig said they're so badly chewed on the ends,
we can't tell if they're 2B or not 2B.
I came from the psychiatrist and I have good and bad news
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun.
Big deal. I have had a Canon printer for years.
Good news Scientist have found 1 food that is guaranteed to drop a woman’s sex drive by 50-75%.
Breaking news: Scientists have developed a soundtrack that boosts mental well being and improves immune response to Coronavirus
If approved by the FDA, it will greatly enhance heard immunity.
I’m making a new documentary series on how to fly an airplane
We are currently filming the pilot
NEWS FLASH! The toilet has been stolen from the local police station.
Police say they've got nothing to go on.
Delighted to say I've finally got a new job installing mirrors!
Nothing fancy, but was something I could always see myself doing.
On the way to work, I saw the Channel 13 news truck getting towed.
I guess they really wanted that breaking news.
What happened when one silencer gave the other bad news?
UFO's have been in the news a lot lately but no one seems to care.
Frankly, I think it must be over most people's heads.
If you guys thought 2020 was over, I have bad news....
Need a new roof? Let me recommend my sister’s all female company...
Doc told me he has good news and bad news for me. Bad news is my organs are shutting down from my eating only pepperoni, ham & salami.
Just started my new job as a security guard. The supervisor told me my job would be to watch the office at night.
I’m on season eight. Still not sure what this has to do with security.
I saw a news report recently about how a certain thick, white, egg based condiment is secretly being manufactured using horse meat.
The FDA says to listen carefully when you open the jar because the tainted mayo neighs.
Did you hear the news about The Underground Railroad?
They were confronted by one of the officials and got arrested for blackmailing
Where can you read about the latest news at the beach?
Why cant you trust a news broadcast of geese?
All they say is proper gander.
Goose news!
I thought I heard news of a country making money out of soft pear-shaped fruits with sweet dark flesh and many small seeds...
But I guess it was a fig mint of my imagination.
I heard on the news, a man was shot 200 times with an upholstery gun.
Apparently he's now completely recovered
On the news there was a report of a cheese factory exploding in France.
Did you see in the news, that artist who varnished his girlfriend with cheese?
BREAKING NEWS- Scientists have discovered sexual reproduction in bread
I guess you could say, bread baguette bread
Did you know that Tesla was an avid news reader?
He liked to keep up with current events
Did you hear about this new restaurant called Karma?
There's no menu. You get what you deserve.
BREAKING NEWS...
Sting has been kidnapped....
The Police have no lead.
Couldn't resist painting this on my new watering can
I got a new job on a plastic Dracula production line.
There are only two of us working so I have to make every second count.
Talking to my dad about his new phone
Sad news fellas, I broke up with my girlfriend Lorraine. She found out I was seeing another girl, Claire Lee. Good news though, I can see Claire Lee now, Lorraine is gone.
Tried putting in a new glass window yesterday
I got bad news guys...
It turns out, I only know 25 letters of the alphabet.
And I don't know y
Breaking News: K-pop band BTS has sued Phillips and Bose Corporations
Apparently their music was not audible in their noise cancellation headphones
Asked my contractor why he didn’t bill me for my new roof
He said “Don’t worry about it, it’s on the house!”
Have you seen the blind guy on the news lately?
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