Last week, I tried out ten new puns

To see if they’d make people laugh... but no pun intended!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/phoenixrejoicez
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
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Looking for a new pun tat

I already have a bee on my butt-cuz when I do the sizzle finger thing I say it stings beeing this hot

A pacifier on my middle finger- for the suckers

I am hoping to get a fly in a suit soon holding some jars of honey- cuz you can catch a fly with honey but you can catch more hunnys being fly

Any other ideas would be appreciated

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Drippinsteezsam
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
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My wife asked if I was going to get new puns now that I'm a dad.

I told her the old ones just get grandfathered in.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/darthlythari
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2018
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My new pun...

If you're a Muslim scholar on the side, would that be Allah carte?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/goone_unit
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2018
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Comment with any new puns below
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eelsnstuff
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2018
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Did you see the new puns subthread?

Reddit already.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ContentDoctor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2016
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New Pun-centric Podcast "The Punnery" is Great! punnery.libsyn.com/
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πŸ‘€︎ u/icewolf1990
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2017
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BREAKING NEWS: A man has learned how to do origami backwards!

More on this story as it unfolds

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GuyOnABison
πŸ“…︎ May 19
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BREAKING NEWS: Scientists launch sneak attack on the periodic table.....

Add the element of surprise.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ May 01
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Shocking news:
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jdenyer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
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Breaking News: Archaeologists believe that they've uncovered a cache of pencils that belonged to William Shakespeare. A spokesperson for the dig said they're so badly chewed on the ends,

we can't tell if they're 2B or not 2B.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PavilionFlux
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
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I came from the psychiatrist and I have good and bad news

I'm bipolar

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MuFP
πŸ“…︎ May 26
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My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun.

Big deal. I have had a Canon printer for years.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
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Good news Scientist have found 1 food that is guaranteed to drop a woman’s sex drive by 50-75%.

It’s called Wedding cake

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RaginCajun28
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
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Breaking news: Scientists have developed a soundtrack that boosts mental well being and improves immune response to Coronavirus

If approved by the FDA, it will greatly enhance heard immunity.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LateralAxes
πŸ“…︎ May 29
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I’m making a new documentary series on how to fly an airplane

We are currently filming the pilot

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pathrado
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
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NEWS FLASH! The toilet has been stolen from the local police station.

Police say they've got nothing to go on.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ May 26
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Delighted to say I've finally got a new job installing mirrors!

Nothing fancy, but was something I could always see myself doing.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/I-am-Just-Sam
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
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On the way to work, I saw the Channel 13 news truck getting towed.

I guess they really wanted that breaking news.

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πŸ“…︎ May 28
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What happened when one silencer gave the other bad news?

He was baffled.

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πŸ“…︎ May 22
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UFO's have been in the news a lot lately but no one seems to care.

Frankly, I think it must be over most people's heads.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/levelologist
πŸ“…︎ May 18
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If you guys thought 2020 was over, I have bad news....

Next year is 2020 too.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maxpowers2009
πŸ“…︎ May 21
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Need a new roof? Let me recommend my sister’s all female company...

All the Shingle Ladies.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ May 30
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Doc told me he has good news and bad news for me. Bad news is my organs are shutting down from my eating only pepperoni, ham & salami.

Good news is, I’m cured!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uncle_Bug_Music
πŸ“…︎ May 22
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Just started my new job as a security guard. The supervisor told me my job would be to watch the office at night.

I’m on season eight. Still not sure what this has to do with security.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FoldaHolda
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
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I saw a news report recently about how a certain thick, white, egg based condiment is secretly being manufactured using horse meat.

The FDA says to listen carefully when you open the jar because the tainted mayo neighs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/damiensol
πŸ“…︎ May 25
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Did you hear the news about The Underground Railroad?

They were confronted by one of the officials and got arrested for blackmailing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Komebak
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
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Where can you read about the latest news at the beach?

In the sandpaper!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Unfussed
πŸ“…︎ May 16
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Why cant you trust a news broadcast of geese?

All they say is proper gander. Goose news!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/omegajakezed
πŸ“…︎ May 06
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I thought I heard news of a country making money out of soft pear-shaped fruits with sweet dark flesh and many small seeds...

But I guess it was a fig mint of my imagination.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 27
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I heard on the news, a man was shot 200 times with an upholstery gun.

Apparently he's now completely recovered

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Corvette-Ronnie
πŸ“…︎ May 11
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I need a new spine
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πŸ‘€︎ u/squerly201
πŸ“…︎ May 30
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On the news there was a report of a cheese factory exploding in France.

Da brie was everywhere!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jj8o8
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17
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Did you see in the news, that artist who varnished his girlfriend with cheese?

Double Gloucester

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thing3218
πŸ“…︎ May 22
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BREAKING NEWS- Scientists have discovered sexual reproduction in bread

I guess you could say, bread baguette bread

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_SaltySalad_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
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Did you know that Tesla was an avid news reader?

He liked to keep up with current events

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pathrado
πŸ“…︎ May 15
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Did you hear about this new restaurant called Karma?

There's no menu. You get what you deserve.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AfricanWarrior96
πŸ“…︎ May 02
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BREAKING NEWS...

Sting has been kidnapped....

The Police have no lead.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
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Couldn't resist painting this on my new watering can
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PunkR4wk3r
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
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I got a new job on a plastic Dracula production line.

There are only two of us working so I have to make every second count.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/holysitkit
πŸ“…︎ May 27
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Breaking News!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uphihion
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16
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Talking to my dad about his new phone
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CoochPooch12
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
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Sad news fellas, I broke up with my girlfriend Lorraine. She found out I was seeing another girl, Claire Lee. Good news though, I can see Claire Lee now, Lorraine is gone.
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 15
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Tried putting in a new glass window yesterday

It was a real pane

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ibbybibby00
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
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I got bad news guys...

It turns out, I only know 25 letters of the alphabet.

And I don't know y

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr_midnightmare
πŸ“…︎ May 15
🚨︎ report
Breaking News: K-pop band BTS has sued Phillips and Bose Corporations

Apparently their music was not audible in their noise cancellation headphones

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πŸ“…︎ May 16
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Asked my contractor why he didn’t bill me for my new roof

He said β€œDon’t worry about it, it’s on the house!”

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JAK-the-YAK
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25
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Have you seen the blind guy on the news lately?

He hasn’t

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Qwerty_V
πŸ“…︎ May 08
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