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She hasn't noticed yet... but the thyme is cumin.

Don’t know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day...

It’s where I got my first degree

A little bit of Background information:  When I was a young lad, my father was a professional glass cleaner.   Not just for a job, cleaning Glass was this man's passion!  He always wanted me to take over for him when I grew up, but I always thought it would be a pain, it was a silly job, really.   However, I knew that my father would be shattered if I didn't put an honest effort into the cleaning business.    The first time I perfectly cleaned a mirror, I realized I could really see myself doing this!   My father was wiping away tears of pride when I began to become as passionate as he was.

Anyways, fast forward to a couple months ago.   I have taken over my father's cleaning company, and was working a job at a publishing agency.  Now, due to the pandemic, this building had set up different entry points depending on the purpose of your visit, and each one was gated and stationed by an employee so you could have your temperature taken and go through a checklist to ensure you don't have any symptoms, etc.

After finishing the contract at this building, the owner was so impressed with my work that he said he would like to recommend me for a permanent job with a friend of his.   At first, I was skeptical (I had taken over the family business, after all), but it was becoming difficult to find regular clients anymore, so I agreed.    He gave me a single sheet from a notepad, and told me to write down something about myself that sets me apart from others in my line of work, and I should make it a very impactful statement,  his friend was a very busy man and wouldn't look at more than notes like these.    I wasn't sure what to write on the spot, so he told me to think about it, and return the note when I come back to leave the bill for my work.

So I came back a few days later, went through the gate to drop off my bill and my note about how I am much better than any other glass cleaner out there.    Well, it turns out the friend of the publishing agency's owner was a hiring manager for a well-known computer company, and my note really caught his eye, and I was offered the job!   Now I make more money every two weeks than I had with a month!   At first, I though my father would be upset by me leaving the family business behind, but he told me "As long as you are happy where you are, with what you are doing, then you are succeeding in life.  You are no longer a student of glass cleaning, you are my equal, and I am proud of you"  I never realized how freeing it

.. just so glad She's now finally independent.

It was absolutely ribbiting.

Doesn’t make much sense to me, considering it fell.

"Country!"

Nice funeral and all, but they had a horrible time getting him in the casket. You know when they tried to put the right arm in....

The doctors think I might have Corvid.

I'm sure that must have been a record

We were driving around town and I was pointing out to him all the happening spots when he casually said, "looks pretty dead in here."

I look over to see him gesturing towards the local graveyard...

It seemed like a good Fit.

I was a little afraid of speed bumps too, but I’m slowly getting over them!

UPDATE: Thank you so much for all the upvotes and amazing responses, fellow Dad Joke lovers. You make the world a happier place! 🤩

I'm the main stake holder.

I don't know why it's called acid jazz but it smells great.

It's a faux pa.

But two rights make a plane

He’s currently in I-C-U

We call ourselves On and On Anon.

They just kept trying in vein!

I've already been promoted to Kernel.

Now he only tells cheep jokes.

I pushed them over.

Yeah, that wedding didn't set well

Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.

so I started to take up fencing. The neighbors threatened to call the police if I didn’t put it back.

Me: Thats very sad. Venice the funeral?

(Please excuse my poor english as it is not my first language)

Edit: I am not a dad, I am a 15 year old teen
Edit 2: Thank you u/Mnt2bdaddy for the wholesome award.

But they decided it was a McSteak.

It's nowhere near finished, but the first chapter's on lime.

I tried firing all my best jokes at them, but I just couldn't get a reaction...

It made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean!

Javelin

It’s a pain in the ass

And it’s made a Vas Deferens in my life.

I call it Paddy O’Furniture

...you should have seen his face light up.

‘Far Canal. I hate this place’.

Apparently, nobody was interested in buying ‘Shatner Panties’.

Instead she just made me falafel.

So I went to a restaurant to treat myself. When I got my food i was too uptight to finish it.

I guess I have too much on my plate.

"Don't worry, Honey, he's just another Fred of mine."

So that I can tell jokes nobody has ever heard.

I'm the main stake holder.

I am now the main stake holder.

It really made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe leannnnnnn.... 🎶