Linguist researchers recently discovered what language is the world's least spoken language.

Sign language

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hobpobkibblebob
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2021
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I just recently swapped all the labels on my wife's spice rack.

She hasn't noticed yet... but the thyme is cumin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MCKANNON
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
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Recently bought a pair of shoes from my local drug dealer...

Don’t know what he laced them with but I was tripping all day...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/albasolo
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
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I recently finished fire fighting school

It’s where I got my first degree

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jobamabama
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
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I recently got a new job!

A little bit of Background information:Β  When I was a young lad, my father was a professional glass cleaner.Β Β  Not just for a job, cleaning Glass was this man's passion!Β  He always wanted me to take over for him when I grew up, but I always thought it would be a pain, it was a silly job, really.Β Β  However, I knew that my father would be shattered if I didn't put an honest effort into the cleaning business.Β Β Β  The first time I perfectly cleaned a mirror, I realized I could really see myself doing this!Β Β  My father was wiping away tears of pride when I began to become as passionate as he was.

Anyways, fast forward to a couple months ago.Β Β  I have taken over my father's cleaning company, and was working a job at a publishing agency.Β  Now, due to the pandemic, this building had set up different entry points depending on the purpose of your visit, and each one was gated and stationed by an employee so you could have your temperature taken and go through a checklist to ensure you don't have any symptoms, etc.

After finishing the contract at this building, the owner was so impressed with my work that he said he would like to recommend me for a permanent job with a friend of his.Β Β  At first, I was skeptical (I had taken over the family business, after all), but it was becoming difficult to find regular clients anymore, so I agreed.Β Β Β  He gave me a single sheet from a notepad, and told me to write down something about myself that sets me apart from others in my line of work, and I should make it a very impactful statement,Β  his friend was a very busy man and wouldn't look at more than notes like these.Β Β Β  I wasn't sure what to write on the spot, so he told me to think about it, and return the note when I come back to leave the bill for my work.

So I came back a few days later, went through the gate to drop off my bill and my note about how I am much better than any other glass cleaner out there.Β Β Β  Well, it turns out the friend of the publishing agency's owner was a hiring manager for a well-known computer company, and my note really caught his eye, and I was offered the job!Β Β  Now I make more money every two weeks than I had with a month!Β Β  At first, I though my father would be upset by me leaving the family business behind, but he told me "As long as you are happy where you are, with what you are doing, then you are succeeding in life.Β  You are no longer a student of glass cleaning, you are my equal, and I am proud of you"Β  I never realized how freeing it

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/terjulmar
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
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I recently bought my only Daughter a locket with her picture inside, for her 18th birthday.

.. just so glad She's now finally independent.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
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I saw a documentary on frogs recently.

It was absolutely ribbiting.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OracleOfWherever
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
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I recently learned that the Romans were renowned for their architecture.

Doesn’t make much sense to me, considering it fell.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mistersodacan
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2021
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My son has recently taken up an interest in music. We're constantly going back and forth trying to stump the other with trivia. He thought he had me when he chorused, "Hey, dad, what genre are national anthems?!" I laughed, "That's easy!"

"Country!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2021
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So I heard the guy who wrote the hokey pokey died recently...

Nice funeral and all, but they had a horrible time getting him in the casket. You know when they tried to put the right arm in....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mindful_dodger
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
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Been coughing up black feathers a lot recently.

The doctors think I might have Corvid.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HuxleyWins
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
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I recently found a round, black piece of plastic, with a hole in the middle and grooves on both sides. I picked it up and threw it. It flew for more than 300 yards

I'm sure that must have been a record

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πŸ‘€︎ u/custardy_cream
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
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I recently moved and my dad is visiting for the first time.

We were driving around town and I was pointing out to him all the happening spots when he casually said, "looks pretty dead in here."

I look over to see him gesturing towards the local graveyard...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/btcrav2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
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I recently bought a used Honda subcompact car.

It seemed like a good Fit.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2021
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I’ve recently discovered I’m terrified of elevators, so I’m taking steps to avoid them.

I was a little afraid of speed bumps too, but I’m slowly getting over them!

UPDATE: Thank you so much for all the upvotes and amazing responses, fellow Dad Joke lovers. You make the world a happier place! 🀩

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Whoopass_voice
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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I recently bought 51% of a Vampire hunting company...

I'm the main stake holder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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I've been listening to acid jazz recently

I don't know why it's called acid jazz but it smells great.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fendalin
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2021
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There's been a lot of people who aren't Dad's making Dad jokes on here recently. If you're not a Dad you shouldn't be making Dad Jokes.

It's a faux pa.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/viky_boy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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I recently learned that two wrongs don’t make a right

But two rights make a plane

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nickatier_Carbs
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
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A friend of mine was recently injured in a bad Peek-a-Boo accident

He’s currently in I-C-U

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πŸ‘€︎ u/larryb78
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
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I recently joined a support group for people who talk a lot.

We call ourselves On and On Anon.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Winfinity
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
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My daughter recently had surgery and they couldn’t get the IV in but...

They just kept trying in vein!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HappyRamenMan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
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I recently joined the Popcorn Army.

I've already been promoted to Kernel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
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Recently my pet bird became a father

Now he only tells cheep jokes.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
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I recently got fired from a bank teller position when asked to check a client’s balance.

I pushed them over.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ncumer
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2021
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My brother recently married some jello

Yeah, that wedding didn't set well

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_ZEN0N_
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
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There was a break in at an office block recently. Many folders, calendars and filing cabinets were stolen.

Police believe it to be the work of organised crime.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RambuDev
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
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I’ve been bored recently,

so I started to take up fencing. The neighbors threatened to call the police if I didn’t put it back.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cade1102
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
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My friend: Did you heard about the Italian man who died recently, he pasta way

Me: Thats very sad. Venice the funeral?

(Please excuse my poor english as it is not my first language)

Edit: I am not a dad, I am a 15 year old teen
Edit 2: Thank you u/Mnt2bdaddy for the wholesome award.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Madhur_Gupta_nerd
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2021
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So McDonald’s was recently considering selling higher cuts of beef.

But they decided it was a McSteak.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nicepair0fslacks
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2021
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I've recently started writing an Ebook about the history of citrus fruits.

It's nowhere near finished, but the first chapter's on lime.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesome_smokey
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2021
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I recently found out that noble gasses aren't much for comedy

I tried firing all my best jokes at them, but I just couldn't get a reaction...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/that_one_shark
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2021
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My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet...

It made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
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Lynn's nurse at the vaccination centre recently qualified for a sport in the Tokyo Olympics. What sport is it?

Javelin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/shreya_shree
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2021
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I have been having prostate issues recently

It’s a pain in the ass

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πŸ‘€︎ u/obiterdictum94
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
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I’ve recently got a vasectomy

And it’s made a Vas Deferens in my life.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bduke91
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2021
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I recently started a new business making Irish lawn chairs

I call it Paddy O’Furniture

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πŸ‘€︎ u/larryb78
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
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My son's a happy boy... I recently persuaded him to swallow a flashlight...

...you should have seen his face light up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kublakhan1977
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2021
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We know the Panama has had its problems, and the Suez had that ship stuck recently, but my co-worker must know of another problematic waterway. Every day he yells out...

β€˜Far Canal. I hate this place’.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndrewMacSydney
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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William Shatner, Star Trek’s Captain Kirk, is said to be extremely disappointed after the collapse of his recently launched women’s underwear business...

Apparently, nobody was interested in buying β€˜Shatner Panties’.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
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I've been depreased recently, so my wife said she was going to make a selection of Middle Eastern food to help cheer me up.

Instead she just made me falafel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wils_152
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
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I've been stressed out recently with too much work.

So I went to a restaurant to treat myself. When I got my food i was too uptight to finish it.

I guess I have too much on my plate.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bobbert84
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
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Recently, I've been driving my wife crazy with how many friends named Fred I've been making, and they all look the same, no less. That said, one day a man rang our bell, and my wife, relieved that he did not look like my other friends, asked who he was, to which a replied:

"Don't worry, Honey, he's just another Fred of mine."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xoriatis71
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2021
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I recently decided to learn sign language...

So that I can tell jokes nobody has ever heard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sgt-Cowboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently bought 51% of a Vampire hunting company.

I'm the main stake holder.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
I recently bought 51% of a Vampire hunting company....

I am now the main stake holder.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2021
🚨︎ report
My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet...

It really made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe leannnnnnn.... 🎢

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jamesnearn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report

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