79% of people don't know opposite words for the following.
- Always
- Coming
- From
- Take
- Me
- Down
I need help following up with this pun, this is a video about a scientist giving a lecture about fire, I can’t think of any more other than pun-ch line
I cloned myself and he is following me everywhere. To the garage, kitchen, bathroom....
Sorry, I'm getting ahead of myself
Three old ladies were having a picnic when the following conversation took place.
First lady: Isn’t it a bit windy?
Second lady: I thought it was Thursday.
Third lady: Me too, let’s have a cup of tea.
BREAKING: North Korean Leader in vegetative state following surgery.
They're going to start calling him Kim Jong Un-Responsive
He's just following orders
Consider the following
WD-40 is just wrench dressing.
A wife, being the romantic sort, sent her husband the following text...
“If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your smile. If you are eating, send me a bite. If you are crying, send me your tears. I love you!!!” The husband, being a non-romantic sort, replied... “I am on the toilet. Please advise.”
Why did the man get sent back to his home country for following his high school girlfriends life rules?
A man brought his trike to a 4 Wheeler convention but was refused at the door for not following the dress code.
They told him that he was missing attire
"Officer, how did the hacker you were following, escape ?"
"Don't know he just ransomware"
The Egyptian government has asked Cairo’s taxi drivers to drive around and sound their horns in the hope that familiar sounds will help calm the residents following the pandemic.
Operation Toot And Calm ‘Em will last a week.
If you’re getting married consider the following...
...on one hand, you wear a super cool ring, on the other hand, you don’t
My brother and his wife won’t speak to me following their gender reveal party.
Apparently it refers to the baby.
Went on a walk today. Had a couple of crows following me around.
I'm pretty sure I have the CORVID.
The following depicts scenes of gratuitous heteronormative sexual acts
Sensitive viewers are advised to avert their gays
Following instructions to make mayo
Teacher: -So, add sunflower oil and stir
Me: -Hmm, I didn't quite understand that. I guess I'll ketchup later!
I remember when I once had a friends named Eni. We were best friends until one day, she gossiped about me and stopped hanging out with me. The following day, a teacher asked me if a had any friends,
I responded with “No, not Eni.”
Homer Simpson is an alcoholic because he is following his dad's only piece of advise
Did you hear about the guy who expired for not following time tested advice?...
My 5 year old granddaughter kept following me while holding a bucket. I asked her what the bucket was for and she said . . .
“Dad says if you kick it, we’ll be rich!!”
My wife's loser ex keeps following us around town. He tries to hide but we can always hear him giggling.
My wife is a nurse and was telling me about the guidelines they're following...
My only comment was WHO do they think they are telling you what to do?
Before starting a cult, be sure to consider the following
Mr. Pickle has a decent following on twitter...
When is a hen just following the letter W
Every thanksgiving when my family is watching football my dad waits until the quarterback is sacked and says the following....
“That’s what you call a look-out block, you turn around and say LOOK OUT”
The FBI was following a furry.
Just following instructions
Mix it up a little. Text a random number the following message:
The fat one won't fit into the woodchipper. What do you want me to do?
Why was the man following behind the grocery shopper?
He was a certified stocker.
A writer on The Good Place submitted the following list of restaurant name puns with the script for her episode. It includes gems like "Squab Goals" and "Pie Another Day."
twitter.com/meganamram/st…
The following exchange left a smile on my face.
Daughter: "Hey Dad! Do you know what would be SO COOL?"
Me: "A frozen needle and string?"
Daughter: groans.. "You're IMPOSSIBLE"
Me: "No, no. I'm D-"
Daughter: "DAD. DAD. WE GET IT."
Me: "We Get It.... Is that a new Nintendo System?"
Daughter: . . . walks away
.
.
Stay Proud. Stay Dad.
Tommy bought a horse from a farmer for $250 and the farmer agreed to deliver the horse to Tommy the following day
reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
I saw Santa following me around in the mall, and I asked him why.
He said, “Christmas stalking.”
If you feel like someone is following you, you're not alone.
I’m following my girlfriend to England for the semester.
I’ll be studying a broad.
I just watched two bumblebees, one flying backwards and the other following it. Never seen anything like it.
I’m following a new nutrition plan: only donuts and bagels.
Have you guys been following that Broadway controversy?
Turns out ALL their plays are staged.
Pilot comes on the intercom following a very bumpy landing
“Sorry about that folks. Not my fault, it’s the asphalts”
Want to hear a good way to see how many people are following you
I've been following r/anticonsumption for a while now...
I have no idea what Amazon shopping has to do with tuberculosis but I'm not taking any chances
How can you tell if an Eskimo is following you?
If any of you single *fellas here are thinking of getting married, consider the following before you do:
On the one hand, you get to wear a pretty cool ring.
On the other hand, you don’t.
I'm just following the rules
👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽👊🏽
The FBI was following a furry.
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
