What is the best way to observe the two planets between Jupiter and Neptune?

Saturn Uranus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ochoytnik
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
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Why does the dragon not observe the Sabbath?

He only preys on weak knights.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/evanmcook
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2020
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I didn't want to observe the period from Ash Wednesday to Easter again, but did so to stop my girlfriend's constant nagging...

I re-Lent-ed

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
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Which hospital ward is observed the most?

The ICU

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hideandsheep
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16
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A doctor was teaching a class, and wanted to give a pop quiz about tolerance and observance when dealing with the cadavers. (L) (On Mobile)

Teacher: β€œSo I want everyone to understand that a dead body isn’t disgusting, and we need to be able to handle it and always be observant at all times when dealing with one”

The teacher has everyone turn their body over

Teacher: β€œNow I want you all to stick your finger in it’s ass and hold it in there for a moment”

all of the students do as instructed, hesitant at first

Teacher: β€œOkay, now go ahead and pull your finger out and then put a finger in your mouth like I do”

The students getting a little disgusted by that request REALLY hesitated at first, but eventually they all did as he asked

As the teacher has all of his students with their finger in their mouth, he tells the class, β€œnow see it’s not disgusting if you did it right...if you put your index finger in the ass, and put your middle finger in your mouth like I did, you have just passed my class”.

With minimal observance, and a dead silent room...not one student passed the pop quiz

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wonkagloop
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
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Traveling with my nine year old, and he observed that our gate in Hartford was A6, and our gate in Baltimore is B6. I respond that it's raining so hard we'll take a boat home...

...then we'll be C6.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sunstoned1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
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Ramadan is starting today. To all my Muslim friends who are observing this holy month, I have one thing to say.

Lunch is on me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
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My doctor diagnosed me with severe lack of observation.

That came out of nowhere.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
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I made a graph of all the animals I've observed pooping in my yard.

It's a scatter plot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dothemagic
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
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An epidemiologist, a scientist and a doctor walk into a bar...

...just kidding, they know better.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bel0902
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2020
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What's the difference between an observer and a stalker?

A clipboard and pen

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πŸ‘€︎ u/oleolesp
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
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That’s it, I’ve observed long enough!! Now it’s time to take:
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A_Good_Alibi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2018
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My love for puns can be observed through my love of 'Letterkenny.' Moist youtu.be/bdrQzZ-4GEk
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πŸ‘€︎ u/meganahs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2020
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Apparently, People are 44% less observant than ten years ago.

I read that somewhere.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
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I collected a lot of data trying to disprove observation bias.

It was exactly what I expected.

πŸ‘︎ 990
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2018
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I have observed that people who always turn right are invariably on time.

They're clockwise.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/scardeal
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2019
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A child’s observation:

If a mother laughs at dad’s jokes, we have guests.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mcab00
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2019
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Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go on a camping trip. ..

After a good dinner and a bottle of wine, they retire for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes wakes up and nudges his faithful friend.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

"I see millions and millions of stars, Holmes," replies Watson.

"And what do you deduce from that?"

Watson ponders for a minute.

"Well, astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful, and that we are a small and insignificant part of the universe. What does it tell you, Holmes?"

Holmes is silent for a moment. "Watson, you idiot!" he says. "Someone has stolen our tent!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
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Scientists recently spent 24 hours observing the moon orbit around earth.

They got bored and called it a day.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thegur90
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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An observant but not-so-trustworthy friend of mine dropped by my fowl farm yesterday.

He took a gander.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JAiFauxThe
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
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Observed a weather-themed dad joke

Two guys were standing in front of me while waiting in line for the pharmacy. One begins making small talk about the weather:

"I hope the rain keeps up!"

"Huh?"

"So it doesn't come down!"

Groan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ms_Mediocracy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2014
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Today I gave my dad some French beans I had grown in my garden.

He asked if they needed to go into quarantine!

(UK just asked everyone coming in from France to observe 2 weeks quarantine)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CanAhJustSay
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
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I recently converted religions and I'll be taking off April 14th in observation of Vaisakhi

I guess that means I'm calling in Sikh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asmor
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2018
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If you could see a fart, would that be an astute observation?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HobNobBobJob
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2018
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My wife got mad at me for mentioning that she farted.

I thought it was an astute observation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gringo_Please
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
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Roses are red, violets are blue

I'm very observant.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/karma-enigma
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
A Punderful Observation imgur.com/gallery/9IYXd?l…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mister_Fakename
πŸ“…︎ Mar 20 2017
🚨︎ report
Day and night
πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bongnazi
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2018
🚨︎ report
Holmes and Watson are creeping stealthy along the Street, searching for clues, when Holmes suddenly spots a Bakery shop window and scans it with his magnifying glass. Watson perplexed, says to Sherlock " What are you looking for exactly ? " ...Holmes replies...

" You know my method. It's founded upon the observation of Trifles. "

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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my dad made a great observation...

all the math teachers were pregnant at my middle school, and i remember asking my dad why.

dad: "because they like to multiply"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/konnernextdoor
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2016
🚨︎ report
Party

An older man wearing a stovepipe hat, a waistcoat and a phony beard sat down at a bar and ordered a drink. As the bartender set it down, he asked, "Going to a party?"

"Yeah, a costume party," the man answered, "I'm supposed to come dressed as my love life."

"But you look like Abe Lincoln." observed the barkeep.

"That's right. My last four scores were seven years ago."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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observation on a german footballer

If SchΓΌrrle was a player instead of a player he'd be AndrΓ© "don't call me" SchΓΌrrle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SpaceDetective
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2014
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When you're sad and no one seems to carrot all
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keelzyy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2017
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My observation of dadjokes

So I love this subreddit, it gives me new material and it gives me the opportunity to help my fellow fathers.

I have a question though, who else, aside from me, pictures the dads that comment and submit posts, as the dads who wear the typical dad attire? I mean the button up hawaiian shirt, kakhi shorts, and a drink in their hand, with a s**t-eating grin.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jesusdo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2014
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My Dad will be telling Dad Jokes till the end...

Quick backstory, my Dad was rushed to the hospital last night with an acute pericardial effusion. Of course, we didn't know the cause at the time, so when the Doc came into my Dads room in the ER to tell him what's going on and what they were going to do, emergency surgery, this is how the conversation went...

Doc: Mr FloatyMcBoatFace's Dad, You have fluid building up around your heart, an Acute Pericardial Effusion, and we have to go to surgery right away to get that fluid out of there.

My Dad: Well, good thing it isn't an Obtuse Pericardial Effusion...

The entire family groaned. The Dr and Nurse couldn't help but laugh after a few seconds of what I assume was shock.

Anyway, he seems to be doing fine, he's still in the hospital under observation though.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FloatyMcBoatface
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
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A dad and his son are out camping when they hear a loud roar outside their tent.

Scrambling, they look outside and see a bear, standing on its hind legs.

"Roar!" the bear growls.

They begin to run away into the woods, but the bear doesn't give chase. In fact, it's still standing there, looking at the tent.

"Roar!" the bear growls.

They stop and watch but it just keeps standing there. They inch closer, but no reaction.

"Roar!" the bear growls.

They summon up all their courage and approach to within inches. No reaction.

"Roar!" the bear growls.

"I think this bear might be broken," observes the son.

The dad nods. "I think that bear's repeating."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/whomikehidden
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
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History lesson

Most people don't know that back in 1912, Hellmann's mayonnaise was manufactured in England. In fact, the Titanic was carrying 12,000 jars of the condiment scheduled for delivery in Vera Cruz, Mexico, which was to be the next port of call for the great ship after its stop in New York. This would have been the largest single shipment of mayonnaise ever delivered to Mexico. But as we know, the great ship did not make it to New York. The ship hit an iceberg and sank, and the cargo was forever lost. The people of Mexico, who were crazy about mayonnaise, and were eagerly awaiting its delivery, were disconsolate at the loss. Their anguish was so great, that they declared a National Day of Mourning, which they still observe to this day. The National Day of Mourning occurs each year on May 5th and is known, of course, as Sinko de Mayo.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TibtibThePrincess
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
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I opened the oven....

I just opened the oven and there were loads of tiny people dancing to techno.

It was a micro-rave.

I'm sorry

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMightyJoeYoung
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2015
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Why didn't the Jewish physicist know how often Christmas is celebrated?

Because if you don't observe something, you can't be sure of its frequency.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thefizzynator
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2019
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What do you call it when someone notices that you farted?

An ass-toot observation

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πŸ‘€︎ u/billmilk
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the dragon observe the Sabbath?

He only preys on weak knights.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/evanmcook
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I collected a lot of data trying to disprove observation bias.

The results were exactly what I expected.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I collected and analyzed a lot of data trying to disprove observation bias.

The results were exactly what I expected.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Roses are red. Violets are blue

Just an observation.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/karma-enigma
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
🚨︎ report

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