Anyone else notice that when you REALLY need an eye doctor they are hard to see?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Apr 26 2021
Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments.
Please donβt resort to violins and anger if you donβt notice.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Dec 06 2020
I bought an imitation diamond engagement ring to propose to my Irish girlfriend on St Patrick's day. I just hope she doesn't notice..
π︎ 30
π
︎ Mar 16 2021
You guys ever notice how there's no vampires in Africa?
Well, from what I know about Vampires, Holy Water can kill them, and from what I've heard they bless the rains down in Africa.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 04 2021
You notice how you donβt ever see rich owls?
They all work for an owly wage
π︎ 10
π
︎ Mar 04 2021
Physicists are playing hide and seek in the afterlife. It's Einstein turn to seek. He counts to 100, turns around and notices Newton in a 1m*1m square. Hah, Newton, I found you!
See Einstein, the problem here is that you discovered Pascal!
π︎ 23
π
︎ Feb 26 2021
Notice me
π︎ 4
π
︎ Feb 18 2021
On the eve of a record breaking cold winter night, a wife notices her husband run to the backyard with a bucket in his hand.
She grabs a cup of hot cocoa and watches through the window as he fills the bucket up with water and races from the back of the house all the way out to the front yard and out of sight. She bundles up and goes outside to get a closer look and sees that heβs cleared the snow from the sidewalk. She watches as he takes his bucket of water and pours it out on the cold concrete. Sheβs puzzled for a second and then says:
Icy, what you did there.
π︎ 12
π
︎ Nov 20 2020
Did you notice that people started taking the looters & rioters seriously once New York was hit?
Probably because everyone knows where the Big Apple is, but not where the Minneapolis.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Jun 01 2020
Our cooking teacher gave us a notice about the part of our upcoming exam where we'd be working with cheese wheels...
"It'll be grated on a curve."
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 14 2020
If you notice cows sleeping in a field...
Does it mean itβs pasture bedtime?
π︎ 15
π
︎ Nov 08 2020
I stood, rubbing a piece of plywood that was leaning against the wall, waiting for someone to notice.
βWhat are you doing, dad?β
I sigh a long, heavy sigh.
βNot much, just feeling board.β
π︎ 37
π
︎ Sep 16 2020
Anyone else notice
the Supreme Court has been more Ruthless than normal?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 25 2020
Ever notice how there arenβt many people named Lance these days?
Back in medieval times people used to be named Lancelot.
π︎ 21
π
︎ Oct 10 2020
Notice the hand gesture [OC]
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 21 2020
You ever notice how few Deloreans you see on the road?
I guess their owners only drive them from time to time.
π︎ 41
π
︎ Jun 20 2020
A man takes his seat at a football world cup final. He looks to his left and notices that there is a spare seat between himself and the next guy.
MAN: "Who would ever miss the world cup final?"
GUY: "That was my wifes seat. We have been to the last five world cup finals together, but sadly she passed away."
MAN: "That's terrible, but couldn't you have brought another family member, friend or someone else with you?"
GUY: "No...They are all at her Funeral!"
π︎ 10
π
︎ Sep 05 2020
Guy walks into a bar and notices pieces of meat hanging from the cieling.
He asks the bartender about it and the bartender says that if someone can jump up and touch one of the pieces of meat on their first try then they will get free drinks there for life. However, if they try and canβt do it, they have to buy everyoneβs drinks for the rest of the night. The bartender asks the guy if heβs willing to try it and the guy says βno, the steaks are too highβ.
π︎ 71
π
︎ May 29 2020
I wonder how many people did not notice that "pun intended" is itself a pun
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 19 2020
A Father notices his daughter eating Edamame.
Dad: What are you eating?
Girl: Edamame
Dad: Eddie... what?
Girl: Soybeans
Dad: Hola Beans! Soy Dad
...lo siento.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 01 2020
Farmers notice : Public access to this field and footpath is free.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Jul 25 2020
How do you get your wife to notice you?
Sit on a couch and look comfortable.
π︎ 77
π
︎ Feb 09 2020
If you notice a terrible smell that you're familiar with...
π︎ 10
π
︎ May 17 2020
Tim worked in a brewery until one day he was fired without notice....
So he went to his boss's office and said, Budweiser?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Feb 27 2020
Time flies. I barely notice! [OC]
π︎ 15
π
︎ Feb 27 2020
You ever notice how George Washington only got a big stick, and everyone else got huge memorials? I guess that's why they call it the Washington Post.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 09 2019
What did the yoga instructor say in response to the eviction notice?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 31 2020
Thorβs brother once walked into a bar, but the bartender didnβt notice....
π︎ 30
π
︎ Nov 25 2019
If you ever go to Moscow you will notice there is always a sense if urgency on the streets
Because everyone there is Russian.
π︎ 25
π
︎ Jan 19 2020
Did you ever notice when geese fly in a 'V', one side is longer? Want to know why?
There's more geese on that side.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Mar 14 2020
Ever notice bankers tend to keep to themselves?
They're loaners by nature.
π︎ 19
π
︎ Oct 26 2019
Mom: I hear that John's business is doing a lot better. How did he manage to get enough people to slow down on that stretch of highway to even notice his store? Dad: Oh, he followed my advice and put up a billboard.
"Nude Colony Ahead, Keep Your Eyes on the Road!"
π︎ 2
π
︎ Dec 23 2019
My wife drops me off in front of a restaurant in our Land Rover. Another patron notices the car and says, βThat must have been an expensive uber.β
To which I replied: βtell me about it. Iβve been with her for 20 years.β
π︎ 10
π
︎ Oct 23 2019
A man is sitting at a bar when he notices a turtle near the register. It is covered with bandages ....
and not moving. "So uh, what's the deal with the dead turtle?" he asks. The barkeep perks up, "Dead? you say? I'll have you know that this is the fastest turtle on Earth!" "In fact, I have fifty dollars that say **this** turtle can beat **you** to the other side of the room!" The man looks at the motionless turtle and says, "Alright - Your on!" "on the count of three" says the bartender. "one" "two" "three!" and he picks up the turtle and throws it across the room.
π︎ 33
π
︎ Apr 19 2019
What do you call it when someone notices that you farted?
π︎ 90
π
︎ Nov 18 2018
The Ancient Romans could have known Jesus was coming if they had taken the time to notice the years were counting down backwards
π︎ 54
π
︎ Nov 04 2018
Did you all notice you have to pay for air now at the gas station?
Itβs because of inflation
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 02 2019
I can't bearlieve it. Also notice that the place is called Bear Grills.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 06 2019
I got another letter from a lawyer today that read final notice!
I'm glad he won't be bothering me anymore!
π︎ 8
π
︎ Sep 03 2019
Ever notice that in 'The Simpsons,' Homer choking Bart is a recurring gag?
π︎ 329
π
︎ Feb 22 2016
What do you call an eviction notice for a person who lives inside a ball-shaped house and got hurt by a fighting move
π︎ 6
π
︎ Feb 15 2019
Me: I got a notice in the mail that something is wrong with my vehicle.
Friend: Did you get it fixed?
Me: No
Friend: Why not?
Me: I don't recall
π︎ 8
π
︎ Aug 02 2019
Why donβt people notice Eminemβs hidden messages?
π︎ 40
π
︎ Apr 21 2019
A surgeon was about to perform heart surgery when he received notice that the replacement was delivered to his house!
Home is where the heart is.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 04 2019
If you notice cows sleeping in a field
does that mean it's pasture bedtime?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Nov 09 2020
Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people donβt notice it when you replace random words with musical instruments.
π︎ 258
π
︎ Jul 14 2018
Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.
