My buddy keeps asking me to blow cool air on him when he gets hot, and I don’t like it.
I have been asking around what the lowest rank in the Army is, but no one would tell me.
Apparently it is private.
I don't mind my geometry teacher asking me to draw a circle. But to then ask me to turn that circle into two equal parts?
That's where I draw the line.
People keep asking me how do I have a lot of dad jokes...
It's simple. I have a dad-a-base.
My wife was hurrying me along and asking when things were going to be done so I asked her if she was my clone from Moscow. She looked confused and said "No, why?"
I said "Because you're Russian me."
My wife and I were woken up at 3am by loud banging on our door. I got up, opened the door and there was a drunken stranger standing in the pouring rain, asking for a push. "Are you insane man?!!? It's 3 in the morning!!" I screamed, slamming the door and stormed back to bed...
"Who was that?" asked my wife.
"Just some drunk asking for a push." I grumbled.
"Did you help him?" she asked.
"No, I did NOT! It's 3am and it's pouring rain!"
"Well, you've a short memory." she said. "Don't you remember three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of yourself! Now get out there and help him!"
She had a point, and angrily, I got dressed and went out into the darkness, calling out, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes."
"Do you still need a push?"
"Yes please."
"Where are you?"
"Over here...on the swing."
I got the sack for asking a customer if they wanted smoking or non smoking.
Cremation or funeral was the correct term.
My company keeps asking me to sign up for a 401k.
There's no way I could run that far.
People keep asking me what's the difference between Ignorance and Apathy
I don't know, and I don't care.
A guy knocked on my door asking for a donation to build a community swimming pool.
So, I handed him a glass of water.
My kids are asking for a ping pong table for Christmas this year, but I told them that isn’t an easy decision.
A lot of bouncing back and forth.
What do you call a ghost asking for the manager?
I don’t know what to call it!!!! It keeps s-Karen me!!!!
I keep asking my flatmate to pay his rent
And he keeps turning sideways to avoid me
I just received a call from a Charity asking me to donate some of my old clothes to the starving people around the world...
I told them, "Anyone who fits into my clothes, certainly isn't starving. "
I’ve been asking people what LGBTQ means
Nobody will give me a straight answer.
I thought about asking my girlfriend why she wears a bunch of wristwatches on her belt...
But I decided it was a waist of time.
I keep asking iris why some people have dyslexia, but she won't answer.
Maybe my iPhone is just broken.
The wife was asking for recognition over the labours she endured for me, in order to give me my two kids...
So I thanked her for her cervix.
Old man goes to polling place asking if his wife had already voted.
So the old man approaches the polling official and ask if his wife already voted. They ask for her full name and sure enough, she had already voted. He said Oh darn! She died 6 years ago but she keeps voting on every election and I was hoping to see her once again.
My friend keeps asking me if I’ll help him build a dock behind his lake house, even though I keep telling him “no.”
Honestly, I’m feeling a lot of pier pressure.
Fluffy camels are evil in Pakistan’s capital. I know what your asking...
Why are you asking me, I have no eyed deer
Shout out to the people asking what the opposite of in is.
I recently had a fellow knocking door to door asking for donations for our local pool...
I was happy to give him a full glass of water to help!
My son (3M) keeps asking if he can join the military.
When I tell him he's too young, he says he wants to join the infantry.
My daughter, Eliza, kept asking me to use my 3D printer to make monogrammed chairs for her dolls. Last Sunday I printed over 100 of them. She was so happy. She started putting them on everything for decoration.
We had a Sunday, everything with a chair E on top.
Went for a walk with my kid and he picked up a rock, asking me "what kind of rock it is."
I identified it as Leaverite.
As in "put that rock down and leaverite there!"
I kept asking my dad over and over what scales are used for
The worst thing about time travelling are the kids asking:
I told my daughter, “Mom keeps asking me if I’m an Alice in Wonderland character and it’s getting really annoying!” She asked, “Are you mad at her?”
“Geez! Don’t you start too!” I screamed.
I remember asking my dad repeatedly what the acronym LGBTQ meant.
I never got a straight answer.
Dear math, please stop asking us to find your x
She has obviously moved on already, and you should, too
Asking a toddler how well he does something...
Asking the right questions
Due to social distancing, everyone is asking Kim Jung Un how far six feet is Exactly!
Because he is the supreme ruler.
What do you get when playing football as well as when asking a girl out?
My wife keeps asking why I drink a pink liquid whenever my stomach is upset.
Frankly, it's not her bismuth.
I tried asking some beavers to build me a house...
But they don't give a dam.
I am asking the last person that was able to ask Regis Philbin a question to please come forward.
I have to know what his final answer was.
I got fired from my job because I kept asking my customers whether they would prefer "Smoking" or "Non-Smoking".
Apparently the correct terms are "cremation" and "burial"
People keep asking if I got a haircut
No I got many of them cut
I keep hearing Mission Control check in with Dragon Crew, asking "How do you read, over."
And I just KNOW if I were up there I would be physically unable to keep myself from responding "Dragon to Mission Control, I read with my eyes, over."
I wonder how many times before they airlock me.
I keep asking people what LGBTQ stands for
Bur I never get a straight answer
I remember asking my dad repeatedly what the acronym LGBTQ meant.
I never got a straight answer.
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