Cause he seemed like a "fun-gi"
I know, I know, that was Terryble
He said “I could make you dinner!”
They are dirty cheetahs, and if they deny they are, they are lion
Halfway through the play, a floorboard breaks underneath Simon and he falls through. 'Don't worry' Simon's dad whispers to his mum 'it's just a stage he's going through!'
I am not a mourning person
Him: I don’t go out with married women, sorry.
Her: But I am your wife?
Him: I make no exceptions.
Being tired and weary, the lawyer-onion isn't sure whether to go, but decides he needs cheering up.
So he dresses smartly, puts on his favorite aftershave and heads over to his friend's.
He gets to the party to find it quite a packed affair and heads over to the bar - fighting through crowds of reveller-onions - to get a drink.
As he gets to the bar, he notices in one corner a slightly out-of-place female onion.
She looks a bit sad and being the compassionate onion that he is, he heads over to talk to her.
This is quickly affirmed as a good move, as they hit it off immediately; she was abandoned by her friends shortly after arriving and had been minding her own business ever since, but over a night of drinks and talking, they quickly fall into an infatuation and soon end up spending an oniony night of passion together.
When they awake in the morning, they don't find it awkward and a steady relationship between the two is struck.
This lasts a good while, having its ups and downs like any college relationship, but eventually the day comes when they both graduate.
The two couldn't be happier!
They both get jobs close to one another and move into an apartment together.
One day, the partner-onion is anxiously awaiting the lawyer-onion at home.
She's been ill all day and checking has confirmed her suspicions.
She tearfully - and joyfully - breaks the news to the lawyer-onion; they're going to have a tiny baby-onion together.
A shallot, if you will.
A few days later, this prompts the lawyer-onion to propose to his heretofore girlfriend-onion.
They are soon wed, having a fantastic wedding-day and husband and wife-onions are on top of the world.
The day comes of the birth and no complications - a tiny, healthy baby onion is born to two proud parents.
Seeing this little bundle of oniony love in their arms causes them to fall deeper in love than ever.
Over the next few years, husband-and-wife-onions' lives are fantastic.
He's prospering at work, she's really enjoying taking some time to raise the baby-onion and over time the baby-onion grows into a hale and hearty toddler-onion, who then becomes a child-onion.
One day, the idyll of the onions' lives is shattered when tragedy strikes.
The lawyer-onion (now a partner-onion in a prestigious law firm due to chance and hard work) is at work, and mother-onion is washing dishes and watching her child play in the yard.
She glances away to take another plate and turns her vision back to
... keep reading on reddit ➡We're gonna call it a Friends-zone-giving.
when I got there, everyone else was in tuxedos.
That would be a punzi scheme.
Donald wants to show off how he changed everything since Bill was president. he shows them all the golden oval office and wants to show Hillary his new situation room and leads her out leaving Bill and Melania alone. After a few minutes Donald and Hillary return to find Bill and Melania having sex on his desk. Hillary shouts "Bill how could you!?" Bill turns and says "Let's be honest this isn't the first time that you caught me having sex in the oval office. At least this time it's with the first lady."
He always sucks the life out of it.
His response: If the lines are dead, why the hell are you still tending them 🤣😅
He wanted to keep it Loki.
Because it's always choco-late
He'll deck the halls with bowels of Holly.
...She says "I'm on my menstrual cycle".
He replies "Perfect! You can follow me on my mountain bike".
We are on a Greg or Ian calendar.
He wanted to keep it low key.
Seems like these invitations weren't sent out in moderation
I hear he likes to reap hosts.
into his makeshift tent, don't do it.
It's a tarp.
A guy invites his friend to a party
The guy warns his friend that there is going to be a lot drinking
The friend says “that’s okay, I like to drink”
The guy warns his friend that there will be a lot of fighting
The friend says “that’s fine, I like to fight”
The guy warns his friend that there is going to be a lot of sex
The friend says “that’s fine, I like sex”
The friend asks what he should wear
The guy says it doesn’t matter, its just gonna be you and me
He's a fungi.
"How many people can I fit in a hand, though?"
Pulled on my mom.
Tea, Rex.
