Why ask Y
πŸ‘︎ 137
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RogueDisciple
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03
🚨︎ report
Never ask a horse for advice.

They are a bunch of neigh sayers.

πŸ‘︎ 81
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19
🚨︎ report
A English man, a Spaniard, a French man, and a German. Go to a club. The guy on stage asks if they can see him. They said

β€œYes” β€œOui” β€œSí” β€œJa”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGregGreg
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
I went to my parents house for dinner and when I walked through the front door my mom asks,"Are you hungry?"

So I told Her,"No.I'm half German and half Irish."

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10
🚨︎ report
I’m a delivery driver that delivers bread products, whilst on my round today a gentleman dropped this on me.....”looks like you have the best job” he says, β€œwhy is that?” I ask, because you must be loaded with dough!!!

True dad that man!!

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bunny_2121
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06
🚨︎ report
Every time my dad goes to the eye doctor, they ask him to read the smallest text on the chart out loud.

He says, "Printed in China."

This is a true story lol.

πŸ‘︎ 147
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BasementGrowNerd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31
🚨︎ report
A priest in a big church in Paris has a job interview with a new bell ringer. The priest asks β€œwhy should I hire you?” The applicant responded β€œI have a special talent!”

β€œOh, and what is this special talent?” Asked the priest.

The applicant walked up to the bells and slammed his face into the bell.

At first the priest was taken aback, but the sound from the bells was heavenly!

β€œYou’re hired!!” He exclaimed.

The applicant jumped around in excitement and slipped, falling off the side of the belfry to the ground below.

The priest ran downstairs and outside to the sidewalk where the bell ringer lay dead.

A bystander asked β€œwho is he?”

The priest responded β€œI don’t know his name, but his face sure rings a bell!”

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19
🚨︎ report
Please bring my x back, don't ask y :(
πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Goatcheese1230
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
People ask me why I hate grapes

I have my raisins

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18
🚨︎ report
I dared to ask my wife why she is ordering a giant tub of Whiteout from Amazon.

Big mistake.

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08
🚨︎ report
A musician walks into a locksmiths, and asks them:

"Do you have any spare keys?"

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20
🚨︎ report
A man walks into a pet store and asks for a dozen bees. The clerk carefully counts 13 bees out onto the counter. β€œThat’s one too many!” says the customer.

The clerk replies β€œIt’s a freebie”

πŸ‘︎ 23k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11
🚨︎ report
The Dalai Lama hands over a $10 bill, and asks for his change.

The man behind the counter says, "No, change must come from within".

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MohanBhargava
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10
🚨︎ report
One wind turbine asks the other one β€œwhat kind of music do you like?”

The other one says β€œI’m a heavy metal fan.”

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lunarwizard24
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19
🚨︎ report
Any time I ask my dad how he learned Braille, he refuses to give me a straight answer.

For him, it’s a touchy subject.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15
🚨︎ report
Whenever someone asks me if I prefer maples, elms, or oaks, my response is always the same:

"It's not a poplar tree contest."

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ganders81
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19
🚨︎ report
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants. The bartender asks,”What’s with the steering wheel?”

To which the pirate replies,”Arrgh, it’s driving me nuts.”

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thedudeman144
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06
🚨︎ report
People ask me where I store all my dad jokes.

In a dad-a-base

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ruski_Oligarch
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01
🚨︎ report
Coffee maker asks the coffee pot...

"Where's all the coffee?"

Coffee pot replies, "We were mugged."

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rick--Diculous
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
🚨︎ report
What do you call a salamander that asks a lot of questions?

An askalotl!

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Orion_Levy2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21
🚨︎ report
People always ask me how i sneak chocolate into theatres

Well, lets just say, i have a few Twix up my sleeve

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cxlxnxl_kickaxx
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26
🚨︎ report
A scientist walks into a lab to pick up a dozen beakers for a new experiment he’s been working on, and the lab clerk hands him 13 upon his arrival. β€œ13?”, the scientist asks, β€œI wanted a dozen!”

The lab clerk says β€œI thought you wanted a beakers dozen!”

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ErectAnarchy
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25
🚨︎ report
A guy asks a girl to go to a dance.

She agrees, and he decides to rent a suit. The rental has a long line, so he waits and waits, and finally, he gets his suit. HeΒ decides to buy flowers, so he goesΒ to the flower shop. The flower shopΒ has a long line, so he waits and waits, untilΒ he finally buys flowers. He picks up the girlΒ and they go to the dance. There is a long lineΒ into the dance, so they wait and wait. Finally,Β they get into the dance, and the guy offersΒ to get the girl a drink. She asks for punch,Β so he goes to the drink table, and there isΒ no punch line.

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LucianoMercuri__
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
🚨︎ report
It is always make me uncomfortable when people ask about my step-ladder...

... I never even knew my real ladder

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/no1krampus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23
🚨︎ report
A man goes into a library and asks for a book about Pavlov's dogs and Schrodinger's cat.

The librarian says, "It rings a bell, but I don't know whether it's there or not."

πŸ‘︎ 444
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
A builder asks his son what sound does a frog make?

Rivet

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mycorona69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29
🚨︎ report
I ask someone, what's the most brain dead subreddit

He replied with r/Zombies

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wornsy21
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01
🚨︎ report
People ask why I make dad jokes despite not having any kids of my own.

The truth is, it's genetic. I actually come from a long line of dads spanning many generations.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/13thmurder
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10
🚨︎ report
A neutron walks into a bar and asks the bartender "how much?"

The bartender replies "For you? No charge."

πŸ‘︎ 114
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MahiraMalik
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02
🚨︎ report
A woman checks out of target with two apples, a banana, and a quart of ice cream. The cashier asks, β€œAre you single?” The woman replies, β€œYes, how could you tell?”

β€œBecause you’re ugly.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/some-ginger-dude
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
🚨︎ report
People ask me how I got so good at martial arts

I have a senseitional trainer

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21
🚨︎ report
A genie asks, β€œWhat is your first wish?”

β€œI want to be rich!” Replied the man

β€œOk Rich, what’s your next wish?”

πŸ‘︎ 53
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Londoner1982
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09
🚨︎ report
The wife asks if she got fat during the quarantine

I said you were never skinny to begin with. Time of death 1 minute later. Cause COVID

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mycorona69
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23
🚨︎ report
People ask me where I am stealing all my dadjokes from

From a dad-a-base

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slcikdeaaal
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07
🚨︎ report
When does a joke become a β€œdad joke” you ask?

When it becomes apparent.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/scooby_dyver
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14
🚨︎ report
I am asking the last person that was able to ask Regis Philbin a question to please come forward.

I have to know what his final answer was.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_E_L_Bawks
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26
🚨︎ report
If you ask for a high five while holding up both hands and they hit both...

Slap them and say "Here's your change"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Carpe_Noctum42
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22
🚨︎ report
A woman asks her husband in the morning regarding breakfast.......

"Would you like some bacon and eggs, a slice of toast, and maybe some grapefruit juice and coffee?"

He declines. "Thanks for asking, but I'm not hungry right now. It must be the Viagra," he says. "It's really taken the edge off my appetite.

At lunchtime, she asks him if he'd like something. "How about a bowl of soup, homemade muffins, or a cheese sandwich?"

He declines. "The Viagra," he says, "really trashes my desire for food.

Come dinner time, she asks if he wants anything to eat. "Would you like a juicy rib eye steak and some scrumptious apple pie? Or maybe a rotisserie chicken or tasty stir fry?"

He declines again. "No," he says, "it's got to be the Viagra. I'm still not hungry."

"Well," she says: ""Can you now stop and get off me? I'm bloody starving!!".

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ball5deeper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18
🚨︎ report
People ask why I have a collection of large scissors.

I tell them it is for the shear fun of it

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GUNGUNM4N
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03
🚨︎ report
How well did the battery made using chicken ovules work out you ask?

It worked eggcellently.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Deciperer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28
🚨︎ report
Why do you always know ask on the fridge before opening it?

Just in case there is a salad dressing.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ankitk2909
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23
🚨︎ report
A man is at home, when his girlfriend arrives, she rings the bell and then he asks:

-"Who is it?"
-"It's the love of your life"
-"Impossible! Beer doesn't speak!"

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/a_L_v_e_S
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30
🚨︎ report
Is it a good restaurant? How can you ask me that? I mean...
πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElvisGrizzly
πŸ“…︎ May 10
🚨︎ report
Couldn’t ask for a better set up
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
What did the elephant ask the naked man?

How do you breathe out of that thing?

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/h_cordeiro8
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06
🚨︎ report
People ask me where do I see myself in 5 years?

I tell them in a mirror silly. How else will I be able to see myself.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Strange_An0maly
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23
🚨︎ report
At the end of a call at my job, I ask if there’s anything else I can help with.

Guy (being bugged by his kids in the background) replies, β€œYeah, can I put 9 and 12 year olds in your recycle containers?” I replied, without skipping a beat, β€œOh, no. I’m so sorry, We JUST stopped accepting those ages. We are currently taking 8 and 10 year olds.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/veelagirl
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02
🚨︎ report
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. He asks, "How much?"

The bartender replies, "For you, no charge!"

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GuardianoftheVoid
πŸ“…︎ May 29
🚨︎ report
The cake shows up to the talent show and takes center stage. When the judge asks what is his talent. He replies...

"Icing"

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/IronHusker88
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
🚨︎ report
My Dad comes into my room looking really worried, I ask him what was wrong and if there was anything I could do to help, He responds by saying "I lost the book which had all the photos and message from my friends"

Knowing a slam book could not be replaced I tried consoling him, but I remembered digitalized it for him a year ago I quickly logged on to the PC to check if I had a backup. He quickly smiled and said it had a Blue cover, after about 10mins of searching I asked him if he remembered what I named the book. He burst out and said Facebook.

Frustrated I left the room to find my entire family sitting in the hall, and my mother goes "He did it to you too, didn't he"

And I'm here perplexed by the lengths a dad would go for his jokes.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ancil5199
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29
🚨︎ report
Two old men are sitting poolside when the first one asks, β€œHave you read Marx?” The other one replies...

β€œYes, I believe that comes from sitting on these wicker chairs.”

πŸ‘︎ 103
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 30
🚨︎ report
I was wearing a soccer jersey in the bathroom and this guy walks in and asks 'European?'

And I said 'Nope I'm a peein''

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GeoffisFly
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
I won a duel last week with a block of cheddar cheese. How you might ask?

Because it was extra sharp.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SerbianTarHeel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
🚨︎ report
Scrooge awakens in the night to an apparition; he asks: β€œWho are you?” His dead gastroenterologist responds:

β€œI am the ghost of gasses passed.”

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14
🚨︎ report
Daughter: β€œDad, ask me who sings this song. I’ll give you a clue, it starts with the letter β€˜S’!

Dad: β€œFirst, ask me if I care. I’ll give you a clue, it starts with the letter β€˜N’”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chinatown117
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16
🚨︎ report
My friend ask me how Kim Jong Un’s dad died

Because he was Kim Jong ILL

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NitroBlueGem
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30
🚨︎ report
How do you kindly ask for a cops help?

Say police

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JFK_Head
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16
🚨︎ report
A photon is going through airport security, when the security guard asks if he has any luggage.

The photon replies "No, I'm travelling light."

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/strabadhure
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15
🚨︎ report
True story: Driving back home, my 5 year old son says "How do you spell 'penis'?". My wife looks at me curiously and then asks "Why?"

After a few moments of silence, my son replies "That's it?"

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Today, my dad asked me if I could help him build his paver patio. He said if I couldn’t help, he would ask an Irish guy he knows.

Patty O’Paver.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12
🚨︎ report
A termite walks into a bar and asks...

is the Bar Tender here?

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
A guy goes into a library and asks about books on premature ejaculation. The librarian tells him the book is checked out til next week.

The guy comes in the next day looking for the books again but quickly apologizes. Sorry I came early.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mark503
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05
🚨︎ report
A priest, a rabbit, and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender asks the rabbit, β€œWhat’ll ya have?”

The rabbit says, β€œI dunno. I’m only here because of Autocorrect.”

πŸ‘︎ 60
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sierrasport
πŸ“…︎ May 24
🚨︎ report
A guy says he taught his dog Morse code. "Aye right Show me." Mate says. Guy turns to dog and asks "who's been a good boy then?" Dog uses paw on ground. Tap tap pause tap long pause tap pause tap pause tap long pause tap pause tap pause tap long pause tap tap tap pause tap. "what he say?" Mate asks

"woof" guy replies

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedDogBoyMark
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Response to any time your child asks you when something happened.

Well son, you were in Baghdad back then.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Brock_Walker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03
🚨︎ report
When ever someone asks me, β€œwhat are you up to?”

I tell them last time I checked, I was 5’9.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-JustARedHerring
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
Why should you never ask Rick Astley to borrow his Pixar collection?

Because he’s never gonna give you β€œUp.”

πŸ‘︎ 29
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KingInTheNorth57
πŸ“…︎ May 19
🚨︎ report
So after becoming a father, my dad and I were talking about how we couldn’t believe any man would walk away from his kids. My dad says dead beat isn’t a good enough name so he asks me what they should be called. I said:

A joke, dad.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tjmaxal
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29
🚨︎ report
If you want an unbiased opinion ask a blind person

They blind test everything

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jacksonrr3
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22
🚨︎ report
People always ask me why I made a hip hop album about yogurt.

I tell them that I did it for the culture.

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 23
🚨︎ report
Me: Ask me what I think about windmills.

My mom: What do you think about windmills?

Me: Big fan.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/marcelrascher
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
A father was reading a book while his son was playing with toys on the floor. β€œDaddy, why is that book so thick?” asks the boy.

β€œIt’s long story,” replies the father.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AustinJSJ
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
🚨︎ report
A piece of rope walks into a bar and asks for a beer.

The bartender replies, "I'm sorry, but you're a rope. I can't serve you, and I'm not even sure how I could. Please leave."

A short time later, the rope comes back into the bar and asks for a beer.

The bartender, a bit annoyed at the situation, says, "Look, I told you I can't serve you. Just go away."

A few hours later, the rope comes back in again.

The bartender is getting mad now. "Look, I told you twice that I can't serve alcohol to a rope! Now get out and STAY OUT!"

Dejectedly, the rope leaves the bar and sits at the curb until a gentleman passes by. Suddenly, the piece of rope has an idea.

"Excuse me", says the rope, "but could you do me a favor?"

"Um... me?" says the puzzled gentleman. "Uh... I guess so..."

"Great! I just need you to tie a big ol' knot right in my middle."

"Well," says the gentleman. "I just so happens I was a former Eagle Scout. Here you go," and ties a perfect knot in the rope. "Will that be all?"

The rope pauses for a second and says, "Actually, could

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/usernameshortage
πŸ“…︎ May 04
🚨︎ report
Why do people gasp when I ask them about my lost dog?

All I'm asking is have you seen my weiner? It's about about 18" long and likes to be rubbed... Doesn't bite.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12
🚨︎ report
Daughter asks if she should learn how to write Japanese

Well, I said go left ahead.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Lake-stein
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
🚨︎ report
I want to ask my girlfriend to marry me, but first I must ask her dad some questions...

I have to question the pop before I pop the question.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14
🚨︎ report
Every time I visit my Dad in St. Louis, he walks into the room looking depressed until whatever girl I've brought home for the holidays asks what's wrong...

His reply: "Oh, I live in a state of Missouri."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoDakZak
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
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This year my dad is celebrating his birthday for half a minute. Why you may ask?

It’s his 32nd birthday.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zuckerschneggle
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
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There was a herd of cows on this big hill. A big gust of wind came by and blew all the smaller cows away. Puzzled, the rancher went up to one of the bulls that were still standing and asks,"How come you bulls are still standing?" The bull replies...

"Cuz we bulls wobble but we don't fall down."

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
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Nobody ever asks "How is Coke doing ?"

It's always "Is Pepsi ok ?"

πŸ‘︎ 106
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07
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Two goldfish are in a tank. One leans over to the other and asks...

β€œDo you even know how to drive this thing?”

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ“…︎ May 18
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My dad always asks me for the wrench

I gotta hand it to him, he knows how to fix a car

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
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A man sits down at a bar. After a moment, he hears a voice behind him say "Hey, that shirt looks great on you!" He turns around, and nobody is there. Confused, he asks the bartender, "Where did that voice come from?" The bartender says...

"Oh, it's the peanuts.

They're complimentary."

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elawn
πŸ“…︎ May 16
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A monkey asks another how does he have sex.

"With macaque"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pbdoughboyt
πŸ“…︎ May 13
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A router goes to see the doctor, and the doctor asks, "What seems to be the problem?"

The router replies "It hurts when IP".

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15
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Son: "Dad I know you're an English teacher, but can I ask you the date in Roman Numerals?"

Dad: "I think you mean May I"

πŸ‘︎ 48
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotatoPotahto
πŸ“…︎ May 01
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I was trying to ask my friend when her birthday was and she kept forcing me to walk around the room

Every time I ask, she tells me to march first.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/metroracerUK
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
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I just wanted to ask...

How are y'all doing during given this Pun-demic situation

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/haykerman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24
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Every time I ask what LGBT is

I can never get a straight answer

πŸ‘︎ 201
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HIPHEN12YT
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08
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Mortician walks into a bar and asks for a stiff one...

Bartender says: "he's in booth six"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/darksilverjesse
πŸ“…︎ May 15
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Ask not for whom the babybel tolls

It tolls for brie.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xarlax
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
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A man asks a professor, "Do you think Einstein's theory was good?"

The professor replies. "Relatively."

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Comforted-2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18
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A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one carton of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.

A short time later the husband comes back with 6 cartons of milk.

The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 cartons of milk?"

He replied, "They had avocados."

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
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The worst place to buy a chess set you ask?

The pawn shop

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CliffordTheDragon
πŸ“…︎ May 01
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