My wife told me today that when I got her food order, that I need to remember to ask for cheese or they wouldn’t add it.
I told her if they forgot the cheese again, it wouldn’t end very Gouda for them!
Dyslexic boy asks his mother for a mcdonald’s, she goes only if you can spell it, he then says okay mum I’ll have a kcf
When you ask google assistant for a pun and you instantly regret it
A worker tells his boss about a great idea. The boss says "let me think about it" then pulls a bad 80's wig from his desk and puts it on. The worker asks "what's that for?"
The boss says "I need to mull-it over..."
My first-time pregnant wife asks "why does it take so long for me to warm up?"
Without missing a beat I responded, "because you're heating for two now."
I then proceeded to laugh at my own joke. I feel like I'm prepared for my future as a dad.
Not a joke per se, but definitely fits - I texted my daughter "in a bottle" and then waited for her to ask "what's this I don't get it. How come out of the blue you just randomly send me the message 'in a...' ... I hate you"
Had potential to misfire but worked perfectly.
Also, the other day my wife left a Monster energy drink under her bed, and we waited for her to come and ask "ok who put this monster under my bed?"
I’m trying to smoke and ask Erik for a light: “When you take a cigarette out of your pack, it becomes a cigarette lighter.”
Lesson learned: Don't ask IT guys for help
A neighbor asks for your help closing a window; it's stuck open a little. You try but fail, and she says "try twisting the top." Surprised, you ask why.
A photon was at the airport, checking in for its flight. The agent asks it if it has any luggage.
The photon says, "No, I'm a light traveler"
A man walks into a bar looking depressed. Bar tender asks whats wrong? Man says its his 50th wedding anniversary. And that when he was a teenager he got his girl friend pregnant. And to make it worse the father was a Judge and he told me if i did'nt marry his daughter i would go to Jail for 50 year
Today I could be a free man !
Why should you not ask a horse for it's opinion?
Because they are a bunch of neighsayers.
I hate it when a web service says "(insert name here) will never ask you for your password"
How am I supposed to login then?!
A son says to his dad, "Hey I'm going to get a soda, you need anything?". The dad says, "Yeah, get me a beer. Actually, make it two cans.". The son goes into the kitchen and is gone for about an hour and a half. The door opens up and he asks his son, "What the hell took so long?".
The son says, "Well it wasn't easy. I had to go to like three different pet stores before I found one that sold toucans.".
A baby mosquito goes out for this first flight and the mommy mosquito asks him how it went
The baby said excitedly "it was awesome; everyone was clapping for me!"
What’s it called when you ask for Oreos but they bring you Hydrox?
My university's Archery Club asks for an original joke in it's application form ... I think I'm way ahead of the curve to become a dad
My application reads: Why did the German archer refuse to adopt the Euro?
...
Because he missed his mark.
A man orders an egg sandwich. The waiter brings it to him, and the man looks at it suspiciously. He asks for the chef to come see him. The chef walks up and says "Is there a problem?" The man replies back "I'm sorry, but this egg looks retarded." So the chef says...
I've been an actual father for thirty years and at least one of the three at least once or twice a season still asks me what it's like out.
Is it nice out?
It's so nice out I almost left it out.
Is it cold out?
I don't know. The temperature is so low I couldn't take it out.
Is it hot out?
I don't know. Ask your mom.
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